Ian Hawkins

Ian Hawkins is the Founder and Host of The Grief Code. The Grief Code is a divinely guided process that enables every living person to uncover their unresolved and unknown grief and dramatically change their lives and the lives of those they love. He is also a Facilitator in Parents At Work is a world-leading provider of education and coaching services for workplaces, parents, carers, and leaders. This episode puts a spotlight on how from experiencing the loss of a loved one and undergoing extreme grief and how Ian managed to crack the grief code and master vulnerability.

The episode highlights include:

-Ian’s firsthand experience with grief and how he dealt with it

-What aided him in his journey to healing

-How did his journey help him work on himself as well

Follow what Ian is up to here:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ianhawkinscoaching/

Website: ianhawkinscoaching.com/

Email: info@ianhawkinscoaching.com

Keep up with the latest Underdog Episodes here:

Apple iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/underdog/id1534385651

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6FbSDu0aNtuxAEiderUAfB

Website: https://theunderdogshow.com/

Click To Read The Transcript

Ian Hawkins Journey of Cracking the Grief Code & Mastering Vulnerability

Pamela Bardhi
Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of underdog. Today I have an awesome guest here with me, Ian, how are you, my friend?

Ian Hawkins
Very good. Pamela, how are you?

Pamela Bardhi
I’m doing lovely. Oh, welcome to the show, my friend. It’s an honor to have you.

Ian Hawkins
Yeah, great to be here. I connect with people all over the world regularly. And I love hearing all the different accents too. It’s cool.

Pamela Bardhi
It’s amazing. Well, now that you’re on the underdog podcast, you’re gonna get hit with my number one and favorite question. Well, one of my favorite questions. So you’re ready for it?

Ian Hawkins
I’m ready. All right.

Pamela Bardhi
What inspired you on your journey to where you are today? My friend?

Ian Hawkins
Yes. So that’s a story I’ve told many times, so in 2005, my dad passed away. And from the moment it happened, I guess it had me questioning my current reality. I remember sitting at his funeral and hearing all these amazing things that he done and wondering about my own life. And what I’d done, I didn’t really like the sound of what I heard and I was thinking about what and if other people have been in this situation. But imagining if it was me that people were speaking about, and what would they have to say.

After hearing all these amazing things that he’d achieved in his life and where it contributed and given back? Yeah, I didn’t really like the answers and I remember having that thought, like, okay, things need to be different. But at the same time, it took a fair few years for you to actually get going. So but that was the moment and then just started questioning myself. Then asking questions and asking better questions than I had before and that really got me on the path to where I am now.

Pamela Bardhi
Thank you so much for sharing that. Yeah. I mean, it’s crazy. How death can be such a motivator.

Ian Hawkins
Yeah. It’s some loss in general and I think a lot of people’s stories, start the same sort of way. Something happened, that was a setback that was, at the time, perhaps too much to bear. But it allowed them space to look at, well, how can things be different? This is one of the things that I talk about my work is that when you’re ready, you’ll find the gift in your grief. And to me, that’s been the gift for me, it’s taken me on a journey. It’s been amazing, really, and while I’d love to have my daddy with us. What that moment has given me has been incredible.

Pamela Bardhi
Yes, no, thank you so much for sharing that. And I mean, the thing is, what’s beautiful is that not only you were grieving, the loss of a loved one, your father. But then you were also somehow thinking about legacy. At the same time, it takes a special person to think about that. Because in that time, like, I mean, I know people who just shut down, I mean, they’re not thinking about legacy, we’re not thinking about, you know what I mean? Like they’re just focused on that loss. And that one thing, so I just find it very beautiful that you kind of saw the silver lining that silver lining, but I don’t know how you would describe it. But the fact that you can see the other side, like that is beautiful to me.

Ian Hawkins
For me, it was what it did was highlight my already lack of self-confidence in who I was and what I was up to. So it just shone a bright light on that, so it was probably more in that pain. Bringing out more of that pain that was already there, so I’m not sure if it was as positive as you were making it sound. But I mean, obviously, I’ll take that, and although I appreciate you coming from that perspective, I think it was really highlighting my own inadequacies, really.

Pamela Bardhi
So you had mentioned the grief and then I was reading all about you and I had noticed that you talk about grief a lot and like inner child work, I like to call it I’m not sure term that you would put on it. Because it’s something that’s really not talked about, like ever. I’m really like, Okay, this is fascinating to me that you focus on that because it is something that is. So ignored and so suppressed in our society that nobody’s really trained. I’m not gonna say anybody but it’s very not talked about and it can lead to many mental health issues.

I mean, it can lead to all sorts of things if you suppress emotion, I just my observations have been really interesting on the work that you do. So I guess we definitely want to dive into that. But I mean, in terms of the grief, because I know that there’s people listening right now that might be suffering a loss, and what was your experience like? And what helped you move past that? Not necessarily move past it, because it’s something that I’m sure stays with you. But what helped you in that journey of healing? And then how did you transition into working on yourself as well.

Ian Hawkins
At the time, probably what it did was, it allowed me to release a lot of emotion that I had been bottling up. And I think, again, this is one of the big challenges for grief is that there are times where you feel good. There are times where he might laugh, and you may have positive moments, and then you feel guilty for feeling good and for being happy. And that’s part of the thing that we do need to talk about more because they’re all Okay. You go through a whole range of emotions and the thing that I’ve learned is. When you go through a major moment of grief like that, it’s the grief from the event. But it’s the tsunami of grief that is associated with that event that then comes to the surface and continues to wash over you for years.

Which is the most challenging thing, so for me, how did I deal with it? Well, I kept getting presented with more bits of grief, it was all the unresolved stuff that I had with my dad. All of those different conversations that I hadn’t had the courage to have with him all of those moments from my past where I was looking at from through a very negative lens. So in a way, it was almost forced upon me, and then, for me, it was like just more things kept coming to go, Well, now, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? How are you going to react to that and in the past, I would have been stuck in this spiral of just what I talk about my stories. I drifted or drifted for a lot of years.

And so when is what 16 years ago, so it was in sort of early 30s. But it took me till when I was 38. Before I really heard an answer that had me pointing in the right direction. So it wasn’t just a matter of, okay, this event happened and then I managed to get through it. We’re talking, five, six years of trying to make sense of it all trying to get better, but really stuck. And so that’s one of the things like that I’d love to be able to share with people is you don’t have to be stuck and being okay reaching out for help. So I eventually spoke to my brother about something that wasn’t related to that it was related to wealth and it was after the global financial crisis, where I was questioning what could happen.

What could happen when I want to retire and then the market crashes? And I can’t retire, like then what do I do and so that led me to ask him a question and getting an answer, where. If anyone’s got siblings, he did the best thing he could have, he didn’t tell me what to do. He just sent me something, said Have a look at this, someone I know, pretty good and let me just have that journey myself. Whereas if he told me, you’ve got to do this, I might have had some resistance. And it took me into a world around mindset and learning how you can change your mindset. You can upgrade your mindset and well, that was all really uncomfortable to hear. I also knew that I needed it.

So I just tried to listen to as much as I could and learning from this guy about having a mentor and learning from people who have been there and done that. Because I guess I was not I guess I was a people pleaser and I used to take advice from everyone and then try and keep everyone happy. And you keep no one happy Least of all yourself. So to be able to then have this concept of a mentor and someone to help me is led me to have since that time. That person that he introduced me to end up becoming my mentor. Then going on a journey of always having people in my circle that I can count on and lift me up.

And I think that’s probably the biggest lesson from that is, it’s okay to ask for help. More than that it’s necessary if you want to, to be able to change because I got there eventually. But it took me six years, but after that, I didn’t want to wait six years. I wanted to be able to accelerate, where I wanted to go and I wanted to change things quicker. And the fastest way to do that, is to have someone in your corner who has been there and done that, who knows the journey? Who knows the shortcuts are Yes. So that you don’t have to do it the hard way.

Pamela Bardhi
Right. That’s beautiful. Thank you again for sharing all that. I mean, your trajectory is very interesting and beautiful. It really, really is and it’s one that I’ve seen play out in different ways before. Because grief can do things right like it can new things, It can force shifts on you can force these thought patterns, it can force all these different things. But like you were touching on earlier, the whole grief part with not just your loved one, but with emotions that you had deep down which you know. In this crazy masculine culture that we have that says macho man and all these things. How did you finally recognize it? But the grief was there that it wasn’t attached to your dad that it had to do with you.

This is my experience can be totally different. But I’d love your thoughts on this. When some people are in this phase where they lose somebody, and then they don’t associate those emotions with something going on with themselves. They just blame everything else around them. Oh, it’s because I lost my dad, I’m feeling this way. Because of this. I’m feeling this. How do you differentiate? First off grief is one thing. So any tips and advice that you have in terms of the last piece of it? And then how do you separate the emotions in a way? If that make sense? I don’t know if that makes?

Ian Hawkins
No absolutely does, because I was the same, I was blaming and I put a lot of that blame on my dad. Like as his responsibility for all these different things, I did get stuck in that same trap for a fairly long time. Even when I was starting to tell my story, it was still coming through that from that same perspective through that same lens. But listening guys, to Jim Rohn and Les Brown, like early days of me learning about personal growth. And then saying you have to take full responsibility for your life for every element of your life. Not make any sense to me, because I was at blame and I was like. What do you mean, I have to take responsibility for something that someone else has done.

But it’s not about assigning blame, it’s realizing that when you take full responsibility, you get your power back. And one of the realizations was when I was a teenager, one of five siblings. I remember making a conscious decision that I wasn’t going to fight anymore. Whatever unfolded in those family obligations, I will just accept. And I know that was a moment of me giving up my power. At the time, I didn’t know how to deal with it, I was highly emotional, and still am highly sensitive and sensory. But as a teenager, I didn’t know like awkward teenager, really awkward and shy teenager. I didn’t know how to deal with any of that.

So rather than trying, to learn anything about it, I just said. I’ve just got to forget that now, I’ll just start, so that started me bottling emotions, pushing them down suppressing them. And they would come out in areas where I didn’t want them to. So it really was when I got into that space of learning from people who have had amazing growth journeys. And that concept of they’re taking full responsibility for every aspect of your life. The freedom from that allows you to then take back your own self-control. It’s amazing.

Pamela Bardhi
That’s incredible, what you’re imagining about power that’s really interesting. That if you just let life happen, you’re taking your power away.

Ian Hawkins
I think one of the challenges is we’ve grown up from the people I’ve spoken to. It’s very similar in North America as well, is that we grew up in a time where we were controlled. And so we’ve learned these concepts of trying to control the situation, whether it’s family members. Children even control over just watching people trying to control the situation now by posting what they think and hoping that everyone else will listen to them. It’s like you can’t control this, but you can control how you show up. And I love that self-control. That’s to me, that’s the thing, there’s too much external Tronic control the external and not enough of the self-control and the self-control. Probably because it’s a bit scary because of what you said before.

It means you might have to actually allow yourself to feel some of those emotions. And that’s part of what I’ve found is most challenging. You asked me for tips on grief, the actual grieving process immediately after loss, I’m by no means an expert in that. For me, it’s when you’ve come out the other side, and you’re asking, Okay, now what, where do I go from here? Because that was one of the things that really hit me is for two weeks. Everyone’s checking in on you and they’re saying what, you know, how are you and then it just goes completely quiet.

And you’re like, now what do I do and that quiet can last a long time because everyone gets on with their life. Because they kind of have to, but even those closest to you probably even people in my own family, we probably do it to each other as well. But I have to have a think about that, but you kind of move on, but it’s not how you’re feeling you haven’t moved on in your head. And so you’re processing all of this really big information and emotion and my tips on grief are if you’re having trouble with grief in the immediate term. Then find someone who’s an expert in that area.

If you come out the other side, and then you’re looking for answers, then the place to start is around your own healing and there are so many different ways there’s. So many different modalities out there to start your healing emotionally mentally. And spiritually to like that relationship with yourself and your community. It’s not a quick solution. But there are ways for you to continue to peel back the layer of pain and come out the other side and find more of that line.

Pamela Bardhi
That’s the biggest question, right? How do you start healing from that point? And it’s funny because I’m a very deeply spiritual person and like clearing all this what I call inner child. All these suppressed emotions that you have within you. A lot of people think the healing process is like you’re meditating in the middle of Bali, around trees. And Jesus is like, right there with you and like, this whole thing. But like healing is an ugly, ugly process. I mean, like, it’s not pleasant, I would say like, it’s, it’s not a pleasant part,

Ian Hawkins
It can really be ugly too, It can be ugly.

Pamela Bardhi
You know like, you’re releasing all of this, all of this stuff, and then how do you stay balanced? So what was the first step you took in your healing? And then how did you keep yourself balanced? Because obviously, if you’re killing through for the very first time, and you’re not used to releasing that type of stuff. Like how do you say, like, into the world? I don’t know It’s fascinating stuff. How watching people go through these processes and how they feel on their own fascinating to me.

Ian Hawkins
Without what, before I was getting any assistance, I just did a lot of crying, that’s for sure. And then when times when I didn’t like, or maybe I tried to hide the tears. Which I did a different times, then maybe that would then come out in anger at different times, not necessarily in good times. Like, for me, I probably kept it all together at work. So I was really calm there. But then coming out places like when I got home. And so then my family might be on the end of that. Which again that was another one of those things that hadn’t begun is not right. I don’t want to be this ANGRY DAD angry husband anymore. Like, I want to actually change that once I did get assistance.

So that first mentor I talked about, was him teaching me a whole lot of processes around releasing. And one of those was writing letters of forgiveness and this was probably the first really profound healing moment that I can remember. The letters that you’re writing of forgiveness are not for the person you’re writing them to. But you’re writing them for yourself to release the pain that you’re carrying yet. And I can tell that you’ve probably done a fair few of these. Or maybe even advise people to do the same. So I’m writing these different letters to people and getting this out and it’s feeling pretty good and then, um, two and a half pages in writing to my dad, with tears in my eyes, realising. Oh I’m gonna have some unresolved stuff here that I kind of didn’t realise that I had.

But it was such a release. It was a relief to just get all that out, but I’ve been carrying for so long. So that was start of me taking responsibility for it and stopping the blame. Because that’s very much where I was at, so that letter was really massive. And then realizing, so you mentioned Bali. So I did end up there and number of healing places. But one of them like, yeah you imagine, it’s like sitting in a tree and having someone guiding you, but it was like you described it was like many, many tears, snot coming down your face. Yeah, it was ugly, but I really let go of a lot of stuff around my dad on that trip. It was amazing how much I was able to let go.

And that and Bali is a pretty special place like that. If you’re open to it and you know the right places to go. Then there’s incredible healing energy there and I’ve been guided there by a number of pretty talented guides. I was introduced to this world of energy and deeper healing and like even getting taken to places where she would say. Oh, can everyone like a few people feel like their legs are shaking and they were like. Yeah, what’s going on there? We’re going down to a place that’s got really high energy. It’s an energy centre of the Earth and people can feel it and it was literally Jolyon. What, like, what what is this all about and then going into this cave. Then people having these profound visions coming to them.

And I can remember sitting in this cave for about 15 minutes trying to force it go. Okay, give me my vision you know, I wanted all these answers and then after about 15 minutes. I went, you know what, I’m just gonna sit here now and it’s amazing. The moment you just detach and not worry about the outcome, the visions just started coming to me and I started getting these. Yeah, messages and again, I can’t explain this to anyone who’s listening going. That all sounds a bit made up and I’ve had other people say to me. When I’ve explained different other different things that happened in Bali, they’re like. Are you sure you were taking some sort of hallucinogen and it’s like. You can believe whatever you want about it.

But I know the experience I had and I know how helpful it was. And so that was my not tip time, but actually getting thrown headfirst into energy healing. Oh the other one that comes to mind is we went to the holy waters where they have a different fountain for each one of the chakras and for a couple of the fountains like no impact, but for three of them. One of them I just sobbed uncontrollably the whole time I was under that water. Another one I was like shaking all over. The other one, I can’t remember. But I just remember, like, coming out of the water of those fountains and going, what just happened, like what was that all about? And it’s like, yeah, so like, the third one was like it was so euphoric.

I just didn’t want to leave and so we’re holding up the the locals who just like dip through each founder really quickly. Because I do this all the time and are some Westerners are there holding up the queue because we’re having these incredible experiences. So yeah, my healing accelerated pretty quickly and then once I had that experience, I’m like, Okay, I want to know more, I want to learn more. It’s an area that always been fascinated in as a kid, the unknown, the supernatural, I’d watch TV shows and had tingles of oh, what’s that all about? Wanting to know more. So this was like a kid in a candy store, like I’m being reintroduced to something that I’d loved as a child.

Pamela Bardhi
Yes, I was the same way. I’ve always had a huge imagination. So I’ve always been into magic and like I always believed in it might still do. But energy is no joke. This is a scientific fact, so anyone that wants to doubt these types of experiences, we are electrical beings, we are energy. So it’s no surprise to me that there’s areas of the earth that there are different energy centres that can trigger certain vibrations. It’s just just depends where you which frequency you correlate with. I guess you could say and that’s why they call Bali. The island of the gods, for a reason for a reason I have yet to go there. I’m dying to go there for all the reasons that you just mentioned.

Ian Hawkins
Or don’t say dying.

Pamela Bardhi
I would love love love to go there. Because it’s just, I mean, it’s just insane what the energy can do. And and you mentioned getting into energy work, too, which I also find extremely profound. What was your next step in your process in learning energy work, as you stepped out of this experience.

Ian Hawkins
A lot of these sort of things for me on the journey just found me randomly or you know. As we know, not randomly because you’re meant to find them. So physically my body was pretty beaten up, because that’s how one of the ways I’ve done self sabotage and subconsciously punished myself was through physical pain and injuries that I’d suffered. And so I learned about acupuncture from someone having an experience where they hadn’t had to have surgery. Because I’d done four sessions of acupuncture. So I’m like, Alright, let’s give this a go and I’d had this pain in my foot from breaking a bone in my foot that just caused me pain all the time. And for sessions, I’ve never had pain in there yet.

What else can we do and I needed to go back to see my acupuncturist. But I couldn’t get there because I was at work. So I tried to find one near my work, I found one, she had these energy mobiles spinning. And so we got in a conversation and I was talking about barley and she said. You have to go and see my Kinesiologist, because I think you’re gonna really like it. So at this point, I’m open to anything. And because, you know, we had that we had that connection in the session you know, she was talking the same language. I went to see this Kinesiologist and finding out that you can actually specifically ask to have things cleared.

And then learning that each of those are linked to something from your past. I heard the phrase, well, it’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility. But then when you get to someone like a kinesiologist, and you realise it is absolutely not your fault. There are moments from your past that happened when you were too young to remember or you’ve just suppressed that memory. When you were a young child and this happened and you did your best to manage that created a pattern of your lifetime, how can that possibly be your fault? And so then starting to peel back these layers? Yeah, mind-blowing, I remember taking you got to take the family to this. So I remember taking the family and I thought we’ll do it all together, so the four of us went.

I remember one of my kids going is this magic. Because when you’re muscle testing and the Kinesiology skilled Kinesiologist knows what’s going on in your head. And when I say that, I don’t mean to say that to scare people. He doesn’t know all those, it’s not like he can tap into or he or she can tap into everything you’re thinking. If you raise something specific and ask to have that addressed, then they will be able to find the root cause and release it. And usually, it revolves around important adults from your past.

So whether that’s parents or teachers or grandparents. Or whatever it is and you release it and then you walk out of there, like floating on air. And then you realise when similar events happen. Or different moments that used to trigger you don’t trigger you anymore. You’re suddenly like, I can’t wait to get back there. Like, that’s amazing. And so then I’m like, I want to learn how to do that sort of stuff. I want to learn how to help people like that. Because I was already coaching at that point and then I’m like, well. I want to learn how to be able to help people to release like that, because this is amazing. Everyone needs to know this.

Pamela Bardhi
Absolutely. Because that those emotions create blocks in our energy fields. Which then block us from living the life that we want, because we’re successful and our energies are flowing the way that it is supposed to. Yeah, 100% that release work is special. And I say it for especially for men just because of the way that the culture is set up of like suppressing I’m a macho man I handle this, I handle that.

I mean, I’ve seen it within family members of my own. Who have suppressed and it doesn’t usually ends up in some sort of alcoholism or something like that. Because it’s usually and then that can address the pain and numb it and whatnot. And I mean, in your experience and what would you recommend for the release of these I know you mentioned forgiveness letters and stuff. But maybe talking about this energy work a little bit. And when you started, how you started that process, absolutely fascinating.

Ian Hawkins
Probably actually, before that trip to Bali, what I stumbled upon was meditation. One of those moments of synchronicity where I was, I just played golf. We’d gone into the bar there or having a drink. And there was a secondhand bookstore. Because I had a mentor for a little while and I was learning and he gave me some books and I’d read them and they were amazing. Like, I hadn’t read really, books since I was quite young. I pretty sure I didn’t finish either of my leaving urine. At school, I didn’t finish either of those books. Even though they you know, we had major exams on it. Because that’s just how my relationship with reading so I’m but now I’m like, I’m a reader, again, because I’m like learning things.

I actually want to learn about some boring texts that they’ve given you in an English class. So I started looking through these books and I find this book on one of the sports coaches over here. Who was known for having some pretty amazing impacts on his players. And being able to get the best out of teams that perhaps didn’t have the most talent. So I grabbed this book and it was actually co-authored by his wife. And his wife wrote these chapters on meditation and I’m like. Oh well, if it’s good enough for sports people. Then I need to give this a try and she talked about meditation and how she teaches it. But then she also talked about more something I mentioned before.

I want to hear more about this sort of fee. Because it had those sort of experiences when I was younger. That couldn’t make sense of them and so I started meditating. Realising that those sort of supernatural things where she learned meditation. One of her grandparents had come through to her in a vision. And again, that caught when I meditated, I was actually calm with my family, not always 100%. But significantly more, the days when I didn’t, that I was more snappy. I was more quick to anger, impatient. And I’m like, Okay, this is actually something that I need to make a priority. So just learning that just giving yourself that space, is really powerful in itself. Then same as I’ve done with everything else at that time.

Find me a better meditation, like, find a guided meditation that will help me with this with that. And then having ones where you might want to be the anger. Release meditation and ask you to call in different people and forgive them. Send them what can’t remember, like maybe putting a bubble wrap all sorts of different imagery. Then having more tears of relief through these meditations. Wow and I’m like, wow, this is amazing and for me to be able to go from that place of frustration at the World frustration of myself. To be able to find more calm, but at the time, that was the main thing that I was after. So yeah, was massive.

Pamela Bardhi
Wow, that’s incredible. This simple meditations can make such a difference and the mind knows how to heal, she’s kind of directed, it’s got to have passage. That’s so incredible, I’ve studied NLP and so neuro-linguistic programming and that is like. What the mind can do is just beyond beyond fascinating. And there are things from your past, like you said. As a young child that can be triggering and that could be connected in your it’s in your subconscious mind. It’s not on your conscious mind and that’s the hard part is the inner programming you have within and while you do have control over it. But it’s almost like you got to reprogram it to release all these things.

Ian Hawkins
Exactly right. It’s reprogramming and actually, not long after barley. I did do my NLP program as well and I did new code NLP, which is a little bit different. It’s more about the process and like, learning, timeline therapy. And even ones where you’re running up the timeline, right.

Pamela Bardhi
Hey, regard. The timeline front.

Ian Hawkins
Yeah, yeah, and then there was one, one more member like standing was like. You were looking over this hole and you’re putting things into it. And then remember the facilitator saying to me, how are you feeling? Now? I’m kind of wondering why this was even bothering me in the first place and it was like, Oh, how weird is that? Language is the software of the mind and if you can reprogram the software. Through the language through the stories you tell, then you can reprogram your mind. And yeah, so it’s just another way of being able to change what was and produce or new patterns of behavior that you really want.

Pamela Bardhi
Incredible and I forgot to ask you this earlier, but what did you actually want to be as a kid?

Ian Hawkins
Good question. Not sure but I do know that I looked through I looked at the world through a pretty unique lens like because I was painfully shy. I was always watching people to see how they were feeling. Being really highly sensitive kid and then even when I watched things like sport. I’d be watching the game, but also how the players were interacting on their own team. Are they friends? Do they get along? Is there a connection? I don’t remember whether I wanted to be something.

But I knew that I wanted to be able to help people from that perspective. Because I could see things that I could tell that other people couldn’t because I remember sitting there going, can’t you see that? That’s not what that person needs at the moment, while I’m talking to like from the age of around six. So it is interesting thinking about it. Now that you’ve asked that question that yeah, I probably there probably was a part of me that I knew that’s what I wanted to do. But I just didn’t. Was there a job that even did that probably wasn’t back then? Like? I don’t know.

Pamela Bardhi
I love that question. Because it always correlates almost directly with what person is doing now. And it’s incredible, because they say that your programming, your inner programming. Basically is the first seven years of life that your subconscious mind is built within your first seven years of life. Which is crazy, If you really think about it. Absolutely insane. So and then after that you go into a different Brainwave and then that’s when things shift. But it’s fascinating. It’s absolutely fascinating. Wow, yeah.

Ian Hawkins
Wow, can I just add, if anyone’s got kids and they worried that they might have done irreparable damage to their children before the age of six and seven. Like I did when I heard that too, you can reprogram and by reprogramming yourself, it creates a shift through your children. It creates a shift through your partner through your parents through everyone, particularly children. Because they learn far more from absorbing what we do and who we are than from what we tell them. So if you had got to that point, or even if your children are younger than yet. Just start doing the release, work on yourself, start to heal yourself. And you’ll create a ripple effect out through them as well which is exciting. You can change that programme.

Pamela Bardhi
I love I know. And NLP like that was one of the most fascinating things is learning how to actually reprogram the mind through science. Like this is not some like made-up thing that people like oh, yeah, I don’t know. This is like studied proven science.

Ian Hawkins
Same with energy, like you said, like, it’s all science-based muscle testing is very scientific and even know. There’s a lot of people who have either created or use certain modalities who are now so passionate about it. That they’re going to do the science to make sure it can improve it. I don’t know if anyone’s seen Wim Hof. He got injected by a bacteria and breathed it out of his system in two hours. And they said, Oh, yeah, but you’re the Iceman, you’re magic he said, No, no, I can teach people how to do this.

So he trained, I think he said, 1500 people to do the same under clinical conditions. The doctors just having their minds blind, because like how can that be? And it’s like, well, you know, this is the power of breath, the power of energy and you can dismiss anything if you want to. But if you’re open to possibilities and you truly want to heal and move past whatever you want to move past. You’ll find more reasons to do it and then reasons to not

What Would Ian Older Self Tell His Younger Self

Pamela Bardhi
I love that. Yeah. Oh my gosh and this is one of my favourite questions too, for you. But what would your older self tell your younger self based on what you know now?

Ian Hawkins
I don’t necessarily want to change the journey. So I would just say, Everything’s gonna be okay. Everything will work out It’s funny. It’s something I used to tell myself when I was younger. And then at some point, when I got older, I stopped doing that. Yeah, stop believing it. But yeah, just just a reminder that everything’s gonna be okay. And even now, like I say that to people, like, even it doesn’t feel like it.

Yeah, I think part of the thing the last 18 months has really created a situation where people are having to face their deepest fears. And for many people, that’s fear of death. When you get to the point of do so much healing and and connected to a higher purpose, then sure, I don’t want to die. But it’s not the same fear that it held before. Like, I’m passionate about my cause. And I’ll keep pushing on that whatever may come and it’s just a completely different way of looking at it.

Pamela Bardhi
I love that. So in what are you up to in the world and like the next six to 12 months with your coaching and all your awesomeness that you’ve got going on?

Ian Hawkins
I’ve been full circle on doing one of my coaching then group then one on one, I’ve launched a couple of group new group programmes. But it’s now far more logical on the on what the healing from grief, call it The Grief Code. That the four main areas that need to be addressed to get you where you want to go. And so it’s getting the rest of those out. It’s writing my first book, The Grief Code, and telling my story but also telling people like this is what happens is as what’s possible. And so they’re probably the main things that I’ve got in front of me in the coming time.

But also know that there’ll be retreats by I know. We’ll be taking people back to Bali at some point to do some really deep healing. I don’t know when we’ll be able to do that. But I have faith that it will, it will come when the timing is. So it’s just for me, I continue to do what I’ll do, which has continued to peel back my own layers of healing. And get more depth of guidance that comes through to me of messages of what I need to do next.

To me, that’s probably one of the greatest gifts of this journey is the connection to Source to God to the universe. However you want to describe it, where I get messages of. It’s no longer about like trying to logically think my way through business. Meditate. This is the question I have what’s next? And I get clear guidance, man, it’s so freeing and and some of the things that I’ll be doing the next six to 12 months I don’t know yet, but I’m sure I’ll know soon.

Pamela Bardhi
I love that, that all sounds absolutely incredibly in you. You are such a rockstar, I love the profound work that you’re doing in the world and the healing and I love your journey. Thank you for your openness. Your honesty was beautiful to hear. And I love how your life literally has gone like full circle. Now you’re helping people to the healing, which is incredible. Absolutely incredible.

Ian Hawkins
You’re welcome. And thank you so much for those kind words. I appreciate it.

Pamela Bardhi
Of course. Now you’ve got to let everyone know where to find you my friend. Where can everybody find you?

Ian Hawkins
Yeah, so ianhawkinscoaching.com is my website or my handles at Ian Hawkins coaching. So if you go onto any of your socials haven’t dived into Tik Tok yet, but I’m sure it’ll be there at some point. But yeah, you’ll find me there and join the conversation or I’ve got a group. Facebook group, The Grief Code where we get together regularly and I do some of those things that perhaps. I wouldn’t do necessarily the public but we do card readings and even this week.

I’m diving into dream interpretation as well, because that’s where we get a lot of our guidance, particularly when we’re going through the healing journey. So yeah, ianhawkinscoaching.com, come and join the group. And if you’re ready, you got to be ready, right, you’ve got to be ready to get down that rabbit hole to heal. If you’re ready, then come join us and I promise you, will feel better on the other side of that.

Pamela Bardhi
I love it and thank you so much for being here today and for everything. You are a rockstar, my friend. Thank you, thank you.

Tune in to the episode to hear the rest of my incredible interview with the amazing Ian Hawkins.