Bryan Post is one of America’s foremost child behavior experts and the founder of the Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy. Bryan has been researching child behavior and finding solutions for a small niche of kids with whom nothing works. With the Post Institute, Bryan works with adults, children, and families struggling with early life trauma and its impact on the developing mind/body system. A renowned clinician, lecturer, and author, Bryan has traveled the world to provide expert treatment and consultation. He is an internationally recognized specialist in the treatment of emotional and behavioral disturbance. Bryan specializes in a holistic family-based treatment approach that addresses the underlying interactive dynamics of the entire family.
In this episode, Bryan Post shares how his story and success came to be. The highlights are as follows:
- Bryan’s journey and inspiration toward success?
- What is a quick-fix society, and the implication for parents and children?
- What is trauma, and how does it affect
- His perspective and thoughts on current events relating to the paradigm shift?
- Three steps parents can apply when struggling with a child’s behavior?
- Based on what he knows now, what would Bryan tell his younger self?
- Coming up in Bryan’s world in the next six to 12 months?
Listen to how Bryan Post shares his remarkable story. Listen to the full episode here:
- Apple iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/underdog/id1534385651
- Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6FbSDu0aNtuxAEiderUAfB
- Website: https://theunderdogshow.com
Catch up with Bryan on his social links here:
- Website: https://www.postinstitute.com
- Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bryanpost567
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/postinstitute
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bryanpost1
Click To Read The Transcript
Bryan Post Shares his Inspiring Journey From Fear to Love & Impactful Parenting Advice
Hi, I’m Kevin Harrington, an original shark from the hit television show Shark Tank and you’re listening to the underdog podcast.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the underdog Podcast. Today I have an incredible guest here with me. I can’t even get over how amazing this man is. Bryan Post is in the building. How are you, Bryan?
Hey, Pamela, I’m great. I’m fantastic. So honored to be here and amongst your distinguished cast of underdog podcast guests.
Oh, my goodness, it is such an honor to have you, Bryan. I mean, where do I even start with you like child behavior expert just rocks are all around. Like you are just so humble and so incredible. And working on so many amazing things for the world and just helping everybody elevates. I just can’t wait to get into your story. Because when I met you at the mastermind, I was like, man, he is just wonderful. Just such beautiful energy and like you just want to give and help elevate the world. Which I think is so so so beautiful. So I’ll start you with my favorite question if you don’t Sure. What inspired you on your journey to where you are today? My friend?
That is a very good question. I feel like I was born to do what I’ve done with children and families, my entire professional career. So being adopted or being in foster care being conceived out of wedlock. I was supposed to have been aborted. My biological mother carried me regardless, no one knew until 37 years later when I found her. The only two people that knew that I existed were her and her older sister. And then being in foster care for a short period of time being adopted. Having an adopted sister to being in a home conflict, it all was perfectly orchestrated, for me to become the person that I am.
To have the passion and the purpose and the drive and the obsession for children and families. And also genetically coded to be an entrepreneur on my biological father’s side of got generations of entrepreneurs. Of course, having not never met him until I was 37 years old. I didn’t have any clue about that. But it’s the inspiration probably comes as much from my family growing up. Seeing my sister go through a lot of conflicts, and wanting to help families and help kids grow up in homes. Where feel more understood based on their histories and their past experiences.
So that’s kind of my mental health, child behavior. Trauma background is in our society, we vastly misunderstand stress and trauma. And we misunderstand behavior problems and children. We become so obsessed, and there’s a neurological basis for why we obsess on children’s negative behaviors. But we become so obsessed with their negative behaviors, that we don’t listen to the behavior. So then we don’t seek to understand what’s driving the behavior. We look at behavior as just the outcome and don’t realize that every outcome has a process. And so children aren’t just bad, because they choose to be they’re not bad at all. They have behaviors that we don’t like, but we don’t like them because they scare us.
And underneath that, we don’t like their behaviors because they create stress for us. And when that happens, our brain or amygdala or fear receptor becomes hyper-focused on eliminating the threat. So then that just creates a cascade of control and dominance everything. Then you tie that to children who are already stressed out and you put two stressed-out people together. What do you get two lunatics, basically, or a whole family of lunatics?
Bryan, you’re amazing. I’m so many things I’ve stood out as you are talking about. And I’m just sitting here to some full-on like your wisdom and your resilience. Then just as you’ve taken something that most people would go into the victim mindset, you have become empowered. And now you’re shining a light on others. I’ve run into a lot of people who have had rough childhoods. Because that’s the way they described them. It’s like, you know, they left me and this is what it was. Whereas you take a totally different approach where it’s like you are actually empowered by it.
You’re like, listen, I was created for this, which I think is so powerful. And I know that there’s a whole journey and a whole story there of how you get out of that victim mindset. Because you mentioned that 37 is when you met your birth mom and your father for the very first time. So how did you pull out of that? And really get yourself as such this beautiful place where you are just empowered. During the world, like it’s just so beautiful, man, I know there’s a whole story there. But just walk me through that journey a little, because I think it’s so powerful. You might help somebody who’s in that, right now, how does turn that mindset around,
I learned at a very early age, one of my absolute passions. As a kid, what got me all the way to college was football. I wanted to be from the time I was in the first grade, I want to be a professional football player. And I was obsessed with it. I worked out, I ran, I ate, I did all the stuff. Along that way along that journey, I just really came to embrace number one that I was in complete control of my destiny. That it was me who woke up in the mornings, it wasn’t anyone else. It was me who got up when it was still dark. It was me who went and push myself and push my body and would sweat and then read and study. It was me who did all that stuff. And it wasn’t anyone else that did that.
So I learned somewhere along the way, that taking responsibility was just a natural part of trying to become not just successful, but great. You’ll never meet a great person who’s a victim. There’s nothing about being a victim that I am interested in hanging on to as a vibration. All the people that I studied and the books I read and the players I would watch, I never associated with victimhood. And you know what, I’m gonna go back even further than that, Pam. My dad worked in a rock quarry as my adopted father and the only dad I had. He was my dad, he worked in a rock quarry for 35 years.
He get up every single morning at 430 in the morning, and he would work until he get home at 330 in the afternoon. I never heard him complain about that work, and he would come home covered in lime dust. He never complained about that work, he was never late for work. And that was modeled. Hard work was modeled in my life. My mom worked, and she got up. She would get up and she would drive an hour, she drove two hours round trip to work. I didn’t grow up in a family of victims. You know, I just grew up in a family that people who kind of took responsibility for their life.
I grew up in a little country town, so much of who I am is a byproduct of the environment I grew up in, which is fascinating. Because my sister grew up in the exact same environment and had a completely opposite experience. So I grew up around hardworking people, they didn’t blame other people for their part in life. Is it a pot or plate? I think it’s either. God is is what you have. Your pride is your journey. So they didn’t blame anyone. They just did what they did. And they tried to be thankful and tried to be grateful. And I know as an adopted adult, I know a lot of people that are adopted in a lot of people that come from trauma are challenged.
By the notion of being victimized by the early circumstances and the people in their lives. And what I want us of that tribe and community, which is really everyone, we’ve all experienced some kind of trauma in our lives. I want people to understand that you don’t get to greatness without trauma in your background. Because trauma creates stress, just like the coal that is heated up to get to the diamond.
The trauma creates the stress to shape your brain and create your capacity. So you can actually receive something great and work towards something great. So it doesn’t happen. Oprah Steve Jobs was adopted, Jeff Bezos was adopted, Oprah was sexually abused. The list of truly great successful people goes on and on and on and on and on that, we’re traumatized. And so it’s just not something that we have to hang on to as a defining negative characteristic of who we are.
Absolutely. And I love that. I love that. It’s just so empowering to see that and how you’ve taken it and really taken it to the next level in your life. You mentioned the trauma and also you were mentioning earlier behaviors. You know, I feel like nowadays, I mean, we live in a society where you go to the doctor’s office. And you know, the kids acting up in school, ADHD, put them on Adderall. Yeah, but my parents as a kid, I always just like add all over the place. I still add all over the place, but I never took medication because I was like, no, no, no, no, no.
I don’t just and now being older and seeing like all my friends with their kids and like, kind of like what’s going on? And it’s like, why is this just like this simple answer? Like, nobody wants to dig into that trauma and clear those emotions that are stuck within us and suppress all the things. It’s like, then if you end up suppressing, then guess what, then it’s self-medicating and then it turns into this whole role of disaster in people’s lives. And it’s like, why are we just not listening? You know, it’s all these mental health like, ah,
100% We live in a quick fix. society, we live in a society that is outer-directed and not inner-directed. So diagnosis of medication is just a natural byproduct of that. And people don’t want to hear it. People don’t want to hear that. Because it number one, what happens is, we automatically feel threatened, I’m not into medication. And I would never want any parent who’s got their kid on medication currently. To take their child off, you need to go to a doctor, you talk to have a physician oversee that. What I will tell that parent is that there is the possibility that your child can be successful without medication. It may not look like the teacher wants him to look in the classroom.
But that is a gift that’s not a curse. And we have to stop suppressing exceptional behaviors. And we have to start encouraging and nurturing it and shaping it. Because those are the individuals that really do become entrepreneurs. They’re the individuals who do really do go and study and work hard and try to create something great for society, it’s possible. But the first thing a parent hears is a threat, they hear that that’s a threat, that they did something wrong, so then they feel ashamed. So then they become defensive. And at that point, you’re shut down. You can’t learn anything.
As long as you’re closed off, you have to try to approach life in relationships, and opportunities as open. And you have to just be willing to say, what if. Because I always say about children and negative behaviors. You have to explore every opportunity to shift the environments and the relationships before you put the kid on medication, modify the environments and the relationships. And when you can say that you’ve modified every environment and you’ve modified every relationship. Then there’s still an issue, then you consider it. But I know for a fact that if you truly modify the environment, in relationships, you will find that the child does not need medication.
That’s amazing. It’s the truth. And I’m sure you’ve heard of this, Brian, but epigenetics. I heard that for the very first time the science of epigenetics from Dr. Bruce Lipton, and I was mind blown. I was like, makes so much sense. But it’s so super fascinating that your literal environment can alter your DNA.
Absolutely. Yeah. And I tell you something else Bruce Lipton says that 98% of disease and disorder is related to stress in the autonomic nervous system. I’m almost certain he left 2% Just to leave a little gap. But I think it’s 100%. That 100% ties into generational stress and trauma, and the shaping of our DNA and our genetics over time. Because I will tell people, there’s no one who can go back even one generation like you. You might be the rare exception where you can say I had the absolute most ideal childhood experience, from conception to the womb experience. From my birth, throughout my childhood with my parents, everything was fantastic. There was no trauma, there was no exceptional stress. Just go back one generation to your mom and dad, and you’ll find trauma. And that trauma gets passed down.
Yes, amen. Well, sometimes I deal with friends, or like people that I’ve come across that they’re like, Pam, I can’t understand why. Like, I can’t pinpoint anything in my life, as to why I’m depressed. Like, I don’t have anything to be depressed about, but I don’t get why. I’m just like, sitting there, and I’m like, it’s in your line. And it’s crazy. Because one of my best friends, I think I’ve told you about her Jessenia she is a spiritual teacher and a healer. And it’s interesting, because her perspective, and like, what she does is like past life stuff. So she’s, like, you know, there are no new souls on this planet.
And the average soul has lived, she told me this, and I lost my mind. I was like, what, three to 500 lives, the average person has lived. And that’s a lot of, you know, there’s a lot of trouble you could expose yourself to and she’s like, and that’s why these wounds happen. You know, sometimes, you know, we were we have physical pain or emotional pain is something that happened prior to. I’m just like, whoa, that’s really spiritual realms, but it’s just so interesting to hear these different perspectives of trauma and where it exists. Because a lot of people have such a hard time that they can’t understand why they’re sad. Like, I just feel sad.
And I’m just like, you know, I’m like, wow, like, this season. These are the answers that people should be focused on. But you know, what’s really exciting is I feel like the world is ready for this, like willing to go in and dig deep and all of that stuff. I think we’re on the precipice of it. You know, talking about mental health. Now that mental health is coming to the surface for everybody for society in general. When it was really swept under the rug for so long. I think we’re starting to see change. I think we’re just at the precipice of it where like, it’s about to really go down.
And Everything that you’re talking about, and like different strategies and things to help you kind of release. I’m seeing new apps coming out where it’s like, you can tell them your emotions, and they tell you what to do. And I’m like, this is like this did not exist when I was a teenager. You know, so what, what are your thoughts on that, Bryan, and kind of like what you’ve seen in the pattern, and kind of where you know where things are heading. I mean, I know that COVID did a number on society that, you know, in terms of mental health. Especially for all age groups, especially children got hit as well. So I will just be interested to hear your perspective and your thoughts.
Science says it takes 20 years to shift a paradigm so if we’re thinking 20 years, and we go back to the 2000s, that night, the 90s was the decade of the brain. So all the fascinating science about the brain. So you know, according to that we should be ready for a paradigm shift in our society. I think the biggest challenge goes back to two of the things that you just said, one is digging deep. We’re terrified of digging deep, and to what you said about your friend who’s sad and feels sad, just doesn’t know why she’s sad. We want to we are conditioned to want to fix that, instead of just given to it, it’s like, the answer is so simple. Yet, our conditioning takes us to the exact opposite side of that.
The answer is to literally be sad, as long as you need to be sad, as deep as you can possibly be sad. Find a friend, find someone that you trust and feel safe with. And freaking lay down in the bed and be as sad as you can. As deep as you can, to the depths of your gut, where you’re puking out. And if that’s the level of sadness, you need to get to, or you’re just having a good hard, deep cry when you come out of that as you will. Because The reason we don’t go into it is most people are afraid they won’t come out of they feel like it’s so deep, and it’s so big. They’ll never come out of it. But in reality, it’s only the size of a cell because it’s only a cell that holds that memory.
And you can’t even CSL it’s not big at all, it’s so small, you can’t even see it. It just holds so much power and vibration, because that’s what cells do. They hold memories, they store memories, and those memories have emotions attached to them. And that at the end of the day that memory is only holding on to an experience rooted in fear. So that sadness is just coming from a deep, deep experience of fear that was overwhelming or unpredictable or misunderstood. And so when you can drop into that, and when you come out of it, there’s going to be this space of, of just where your brain stops. Because when you drop into deep emotion, your thinking shuts off.
That’s why it’s so hard for us to drop into deep emotion because we’re always thinking, thinking, thinking thinking. Well, you got it, that’s your left hemisphere. Once you tap into that right hemisphere, and you tap into breath and you tap into sound, you will drop into your body. And once that happens, your thinking shuts off. So once you come out of that emotional experience. There’s this place where your brain hasn’t fully come online yet. And in that place, if you listen, you’ll oftentimes get to the very root of the pain. Or at least there’ll be another stop along the rabbit hole to take you a little bit deeper. But it’s just something we’re not conditioned to do as a society. We saw about mental health with kids these days, and college athletes, you know, committing suicide.
And you know, these are kids who’ve been under an enormous amount of pressure. That social media creates an enormous amount of pressure for kids these days. Parents can lose sight of their child because of their sports and because of their accomplishments. And we just stopped listening. We just stopped listening and in our helplessness, helplessness causes stress in our helplessness. We want to fix it and how do you fix it? How do you want to fix it? You can try to fix it as simple as saying, Oh, it’s going to be okay, that happened years ago that’s not relevant right now.
Or, you know, go ahead and cry. Okay, that’s enough. Calm down, it’s gonna see we’re trying to fix it. That’s not about that person that we’re trying to serve. That’s about us. We’re trying to fix it because we feel scared. We feel helpless. We don’t know what to do. When in reality, all you got to do is get still take some deep breaths. Realize that you’re safe and everything’s gonna be okay. And encourage that person to keep giving it to you. Keep letting it out. Keep sharing and don’t judge just listen. And be present.
I love that Bryan. Well, that’s the thing is everyone’s afraid to feel the fear of judgment of what people will think of them. We all have our things man we all have our things. We are all everyone you know is out there struggling with something. The past present or even something that scared about in the future is flooding. Being things everyone is stuck in Like, he’s so afraid, and it’s like, just let it out. It’s okay to not be okay. Do what you need to know. And pick back up. I remember, like, the first time that I heard something like that in my life.
I was kind of like, What do you mean? Let it out and just like, ah, what I’m like not, I’m a tough cookie, I’m gonna keep going. And they’re like, Damn, that is literally avoidance. That is a trauma response, you are avoiding working so hard. By the time you get to bed, you don’t even want to think about it. But guess what’s happening, you’re digging yourself deeper and deeper and deeper into that experience because you are not facing it. That’s fantastic, you know, learning to feel and then just kind of having that compassion for others. Like you said, listen, without judgement and all of that.
And it’s just interesting to see that the world is I think shifting like you said, 20 years for the paradigm shift. I think it’s really starting to now. But I think right now we’re at this hole of mental health. And I don’t think we’ve ever been as dangerous. As we have before. Like, in this part, like I was telling you before this call literally I was looking at a chart at like the shootings 2018 was much lower. Then obviously, you see 2019, then you see 2020, and you see 2021. Now 2022, how it’s drastically elevated. I remember looking at that chart and saying to myself, this is a mental health problem. People don’t just go and shoot places up, because they’re happy.
That is so true. Pam, we want to get on social media, and we want to start talking about gun control. This is not a gun control issue. People who are emotionally stable and mature and balanced, don’t go out and shoot and kill other people. This is an emotional imbalance issue. We’re not looking at the real issues. But I will also tell you that that increase in all of the deaths and the shootings and the suicides and the mental health crises, as painful as it is. It is indicative of exactly what you’re talking about that paradigm shift that precipice.
Because you have to have that great pain to have that breakthrough. Yes, that great pain is leading us to that breakthrough. We just freak out because it’s very scary. But it is almost essential because people will not listen, they will not listen. Until it becomes so painful, that they can no longer ignore it and deny it. And so as terrible as it is, for all the families and all the kids in the schools and the communities. It is a byproduct of unnecessary processes for us to make a greater shift, hopefully for our entire world for our humanity.
Amen. Absolutely, the same thing goes with addiction. Addiction rates are way up. You know, I drive through Boston and, my heart just sinks to the bottom of my stomach. Because I see people on the street, and I’m like, That’s somebody’s mother, father, daughter, sister, somebody they love. And like they are just, it’s just helplessness because they’re trying to get help. They don’t know how then they go for that. Some of them got prescribed that and got addicted to it. I mean, like, it’s just all these things. As you said, this great pain has to happen in order for people to listen. Because how else, it’s just like, that’s why I’m looking at it now. It seems to be at its societal worst. And I’m only elevated and how do we elevate from this point on?
Let me tell you something I said 20 years ago, in a lecture 20 years ago, I said our society is at the highest level of stress that it’s ever been. I said that 20 years ago. Wow. Now, look at where we’re at 20 years later, so amazing. But then I think about individuals such as yourself. Young, brilliant, passionate, obsessed individuals, such as yourself. Driving and seeing people in these crisis, states and actually reflective of mental health challenges and conditions. I’m 20 years older than you. So there’s the paradigm. So someone 20 years, 20 years younger than me is talking about this precipice.
What amazing energy that brings that’s pushing it through. So that’s the hope. The hope is that there are amazing, brilliant, great people such as yourself, who are young and energized, who are going to push this thing on over the goal line. Because the old guys like me, you know, I’ve been doing this for 25 years. I’ve been seeing this, this mess for 25 years, and now I’m tired. So it’s really cool. And really, really reaffirming to me to know that there are young people such as yourself with your level of brilliance that are that have an interest in this. I believe that’s when the change really does get made. And that’s fantastic, so I thank you for that.
Thank you right now That’s incredible. I love that. Thank you so much for that. I mean, I think our whole society is becoming more aware. And so that’s why I keep saying depressed. Because I feel like people are talking about it more on social media. People are getting vulnerable on their posts. And like, you know, it’s only the beginning. But I think that I mean, I think the beginning was 20 years ago when you were lecturing. But I think it’s gonna continue to elevate and, and kind of work from there. I mean, we’re seeing a lot of systems being destroyed. A lot of belief systems, kind of like going out the side door.
And like, a lot of people are tapping into their divinity, their power, allowing themselves to connect with others. I mean, I remember one of my hardest things was, you know, and actually, this podcast really challenged my whole existence. Because I was like, That person that’s like, oh, no, I’m like, I’m bulletproof. Like, I can’t, I can make it through anything. And like Yeah, an egotistical entrepreneur who thinks they have it all together, and all of that things. Then what I realized was, I was hiding my struggle from everybody. All the things I struggled through I because I was ashamed of it. Because I didn’t realize like people actually talked about it.
Like, for me, it’s like I grinded, so hard. And then I made it to such a massive success level. And it’s like, I wasn’t talking about that side of things. When like, I knew damn well, that it wasn’t an overnight thing. But people were only seeing my successes. They weren’t seeing everything that was happening behind the scenes that it took to get there. Then I realized I was being inauthentic. I’m like, I’m not sharing the real story. This is why people feel misaligned because they see only the successes.
And then they get down on this. I was like, Why aren’t I here? Like, why am I not here? You know, like, she makes it look so easy. So it was like a personal challenge for me as well. Bryan, that it was like, it was working to even get vulnerable to sound. I’m going to share my story authentically, it was uncomfortable. But the minute that you do you connect with others. And they’re like, listen as I hear you in there, or I am there, like, how did you do that?
Because we’re all there. We’re all there. At some level. We’re also all in that place of not being willing to be vulnerable and be authentic. So as soon as someone shows up, they’re willing to be vulnerable, and they’re willing to be authentic. Then you have other people that say, Hey, I’m with you. I’m there too. But it takes that first step of you being willing to be vulnerable and be authentic for people to go. So then they have an actual person that they’re connected to. And they’re saying, oh, yeah, we’re actually all part of the same tribe after all.
Right, absolutely. So that was my journey. And in a nutshell, when it came to all of this, it’s awesome. Thank you. Bryan. And for you in your journey. How did you break through in your world, Brian, when it came to like, kind of releasing? Like getting to the next level, because I’m sure that was an experience.
Actually, it’s actually a fascinating story. I had a mentor. Shortly after I got into mental health, I started my first company. And I started trying to grow that company. I was always I’ve always been a student always wants to learn more and do more. And I was reading some books and found this mentor. She written this book, and I went and was doing this weekend intensive with her and her team, and these eight other families. As a leader for one of these families, I was working with this dad. So we called the multifamily intensives. So eight families would get together and I’m talking gut-wrenching, emotional outpourings of just trauma and pain.
We do that for two days, and people would have these breakthroughs. So I’m working with this couple. And this Dad, this mom is with her holding her husband. We’ve all had these mats, she’s holding her husband. I’m talking to him about when he was a little boy. His dad abandoned him when he was like three years old. I said, Say, dad, Dad, where are you? I spoke those words to him and he said, Dad, where are you? I’m right here with this family and I’m kind of holding his dad’s hand and, and have my arm around the mom. And I said, say it again Dad, where are you? Almost simultaneous. He and I went down the rabbit hole at the same time.
He just person and then I just started boo and Dad, where are you? And up until that point, I had not ever even thought about my biological father and his absence of him in my emotional life. I’d always thought about my biological mother but never thought about my biological father until that moment. So then I just went through this huge emotional release completely caught me off guard. I just like wow, that was amazing. And then from there, I just started doing more deep emotional process work, more trauma work. It’s so much of what I’ve done.
My whole career is just doing deep emotional process work and then I try In therapists, and I go put parents through these camps. And so as a part of that, I do that same emotional process. Because I don’t believe I can ask someone to go somewhere where I haven’t gone hundreds of times. So now my emotional window of tolerance for other people’s pain and my own pain is really wide. But it started with that emotional breakthrough, which was completely unexpected. But it was truly a paradigm shift. Wow.
Oh my god, as you were sharing that story. I could like see it and feel it. Oh, my God, it was so intense. Wow, it is I can, I can feel it. Oh, my goodness, Brian, that was powerful. Thank you so much for sharing that. You know, there are so many people out there that are struggling with their traumas, Brian. I mean, whether it’s, you know, a childhood situation or something in their adult life or a teenager, like what have you? What would be your best recommendation and your best piece of advice in terms of like? How do you address that trauma? How do you release that trauma? How do you deal with that trauma? What would be your best piece of advice there?
I think the first thing, the first step is for people to develop awareness. That the painful things that they’re going through in their lives right now are actually rooted in something in the past. And so it’s showing up now, whether it’s a parent who’s struggling with their adopted child. Whether it’s an adult who’s in the booth, who’s in the midst of addiction. Whether it’s a couple who’s in domestic violence or going through a divorce, it doesn’t matter. All the emotional reactivity stems from unfinished business. The moment you find yourself being reactive to someone or something, it has far less to do with that person or that thing, and far more to do with you. So awareness, that there is something deeper is so important.
And the way you get to that is you got to get still, you gotta get still turn off all the electronics, put your phone down, take some deep breaths into your body. I’m just giving you a really simple, real simple practice, is putting your hands on your chest or in your gut. You’re breathing into your body, you’re slowing down, you’re breathing into your body. And you just ask yourself, what is this pain about? Where does this pain come from? Talk to your body, because your body is an alive, energetic experience and holds memories.
And it’ll answer you if you can just turn off all this chatter up in the left hemisphere. So you breathe into your body, because that activates your right hemisphere. Because your right hemisphere is actually connected to your gut. You ask yourself, what is this pain really about? What is this pain really connected to, What is, my frustration with my wife? What is it really about? Instead of making it about her or making it about my kids, or the in-laws, or the bills, ask yourself, What’s this pain really about? Breathe into that. And give yourself some time with it and listen, and then you’re going to tap around on something. You’re going to feel it when you hit it. Because your body is going to your throat is going to constrict your guts gonna turn.
You’re gonna flash with heat, you’re going to all of a sudden, you’re going to want to stop wanting to jump up and move around. You got to look for some reason to get distracted. And that’s all fine. Bring yourself right back to that spot and breathe into it a little bit more. And just say what is this really about? When you get some kind of awareness of it, maybe it takes some time, write it down. Write down the story, talk to someone about it, and spend time with it. Then you just put it away, you don’t have to do anything more with it, because it can be really overwhelming.
But eventually, come back to it. What you’re doing at that moment is you’re taking something that’s unconscious and you’re making it conscious. That the way you gain full power and control over your life is by taking unconscious things and making them more conscious. And when you can make that practice of instead of getting outer directed, get inner directed. You’ll find yourself experiencing so much more openness and awareness and freedom and power in your life. And feeling so diminishment and feeling helpless and controlled by other things and circumstances. That’s like really, really quick and people can play with that.
I love where you’re like oh no big deal with this. Huge Bryan that could help so many people. Thank you so much for sharing that. Thank you so much for sharing that. It’s crazy. Like our body we are energy. We’re energetic beings, like literally,
it is vibrant.
We are we vibration and it’s like your body never lies. So I remember using tools of divinity for the very first time. And like there’s these things that like I don’t know if you’ve ever used them, Bryan. But they look like sticks and they go out. Have you ever seen them? are like an L-shaped thing that you can hold. And it’ll turn one way for yes and turn another way for no and it’ll like certain things and I’m like, This is so crazy. Like how does this stuff work? I’d like it’s energy your body knows and then there another tactic to with like your hand that you can test certain things and
like muscle testing?
Yes. Crazy how your body knows crazy how your All you know and Bryan to I want to pick your brain one more time, the child behavior expert. So for a parent that has a child right now or a caregiver that has a child right now that might be struggling with behavior, that behavior, or what have you. What would be your best piece of advice to them, like action states? Oh, if they can take today, I mean, definitely, we’re going to give the resource for your book for sure. So they can. But that’s not out. But I mean, what would be your piece of advice,
I’m gonna give you three very, very simple steps for parents to remember. And these are, they’re simple, but they’re not easy. The first is when your child is having behavior, episode, or issue. The first thing you have to do as a parent if you have to breathe. You have to slow down and take three to 10 deep breaths, slow, deep breaths. Because what happens is your child’s behavior causes your cortisol reaction. And as soon as your cortisol reaction kicks in, you move into survival and you want to control suppress or change that behavior. So the first thing you have to do is you have to breathe.
The second thing you have to do is you have to slow down as stressful and as urgent as pressing as it may seem. Because actually, it’s your amygdala doing that to you. Your amygdala wants to speed you up because it’s your fear receptor. It wants you to protect yourself. But there’s really very little to be protected from in that moment, you have to breathe, you have to slow down. And when I mean literally physically slowing down your body, slowing down your tone of voice, slowing down your pace, slow everything down, stand still back up if you need to.
So downtime, so you’re breathing, you’re slowing down. The next thing I’m going to ask you to do is soften and you soften. Realizing that underneath your child’s behavior, is so important. Underneath your child’s behavior, they’re in a place of fear. Their brain in their body is in a place of stress. And they don’t even know it. That fear and stress can be connected to all manner of experiences. But if you don’t soften your own heart, so you breathe, to start to get out of your head. You slow down to relax your body, and you soften to gain access to your heart energy.
And when you do that you think not my child’s misbehaving, you think to yourself, my child is stressed and scared. My child is stressed and scared. But it’s not that my child’s misbehaving. My child is stressed and scared. How can I soothe their stress in their fear? You answer that question, you let that motivate you, you let that drive you will have any enormous breakthrough. I call it a love revolution in your relationship and in your home. If you can do that.
What Would Bryan Older Self Tell His Younger Self
You’re just amazing. And I decided that you’re just so I could listen to Brian all day long. So inspiring. No, seriously. I mean, that is huge, like simple things like this are what change the world. Bryan, like you said, a love revolution. That’s really what it is. It sets you in this compassionate space to be more understanding. Like that’s going to help so many people. Thank you so much for that. Bryan. You’re an absolute rock star, my friend. Oh my gosh. Now, personal question for you. And this is one of my favourite questions ever. What would your older self tell you a younger self-based on what you know, now,
My older self would tell my younger self. You’re scared and it’s okay to breathe. You’re gonna be okay. I was so fearful when I was young. And I didn’t know it. I didn’t know it. I didn’t realize I was scared Pam until I was 27 years old. If I could have had someone tell me that I literally was fearful, wracked with anxiety. And that I was going to be okay, and to just breathe. It would have brought an enormous amount of peace in my life. However, I am 100% Okay, with that journey, who I am, and where I am today.
I love that Brian, you’re so incredible. Like, just like I said, I could listen to you all day. You’re an absolute Rockstar. You’re so full of wisdom and just such beautiful energy. I just adore you, Bryan now in your world, like what you’re working on so many beautiful things in the world. So what’s your world the next six to 12 months? What’s happening?
You know, the next six to 12 months I got to two major projects. One is I started an adoption wraparound services program in Northern California. That we’ve been doing for the last three years where we work with at-risk adoptive families. So we’re growing that program. There’s so many families in need in Northern California, so really focused on that. And then the second is I’m launching a new company called major media League. Which is a social media platform for young athletes, which is teaching them entrepreneurship. It’s teaching them skill mastery. And it’s also teaching them emotional, and mental health.
And it’s going to all be on an app that we’re creating. They’re going to be able to compete, they’re going to be able to network with other young athletes. I was a young athlete, as a young athlete, I worked super hard, I got to college. We’re also going to teach them how to monetize, their brands and how to grow their influence. So as our athletes that work so hard and got to college, I was broke when I got to college. Even though I was on a full scholarship, and now with name images and likenesses that really opens that up. And that’s an NCAA NCAA rule that pass. Young athletes can now monetize their name, their image, and their likeness, which creates a whole new opportunity for them.
But I want to give them an immediate platform where they can compete and win prizes and scholarships and iPads and iPhones and things like that. They can build their mastery, learn entrepreneurship, I want to grow a million young athletes, entrepreneurs. I wanted to help these kids when they were 14 because I’d much like you probably Pam. I was an entrepreneur from time I was six years old. So I know kids these days feel helpless because as great as social media is it also creates a lot of limitations. We’re all producing, but a lot of times we’re not monetizing that production.
Because Facebook’s monetizing it and Tik Tok is monetizing any Instagrams monetizing it. I want to teach kids that you’re producing, you can also learn how to monetize that production and have people following you. And people willing to donate to your cause and give you money while you’re in college and just on and on and on. Hopefully, those skills will follow them throughout the rest of their life. So that’s major media League. I’m super excited with that partnered up with Leah Amico three-time Olympic gold medalist and softball. Our initial focus is all-girls softball, so we’re super excited about that. We have our MML World Fest launch on August 6, and Riverside California.
We’re gonna have Olympians are gonna have been cheerleaders and a band and marching band, it’s gonna be just a mad, crazy, insane time. And that’s when we’re going to launch our app officially. So I got a lot of stuff going on. And it all feels good. I’ll tell you, I had a lot more energy 20 years ago. But now I just turned 49. The energy peak energy is not there as it used to be. But the passion and the obsession is still it’s still very much there. So it balances itself out.
I absolutely love that. Brian, oh my god, I can’t wait to see those things launch. And you forgot to mention two very important things, your book and also your podcast, my friends. That good stuff, too.
So the book is actually for all parents. It’s written in a tone for adoptive parents and foster parents. But all you have to do is mark out adoption and foster care and put biological grandparents doesn’t matter. It’s applicable to all of mankind humankind. And you can go to fear to love book.com. And you get the book for free. Just pay shipping and handling. You get the book we mail to you get the ebook, you get audio and I just want to be able to change people’s lives. We’ve sold over 700,000 copies of that book, worldwide. So super excited about that. And then major media league sponsors the gold standard podcast, with Leah, Miko, and it’s on.
It’s called the gold standard on all the major podcast platforms and on YouTube. It’s the gold standard of life. But I’m super excited about that. She interviews all these Olympians, and they share all these skills of mastery, focus, and determination. And to me, it’s one of the most beautiful things to be able to offer an opportunity for young athletes. To hear from absolute masters of the game mindset, right motivation, and little tips and techniques for how to just blow it out of the ballpark. So those are a couple of things super excited about.
I love that Brian, thank you so much for sharing those. Oh my goodness, you’re amazing. You’re amazing. Now, Bryan, you gotta let everyone know where to find you, my friend. Where can everyone reach you?
Yeah, and you can find me on Instagram at big papa Bryan’s post, you can find me on YouTube and Bryan’s posts That’s Bryan and my website is brianpost.com. But really the best relationship for parents is fear to love book.com And then for parents who have young athletes major media leak.com.I’m always available.
Thank you, Brian, so much for being here today. You’re an absolute Rockstar and inspiration to this beautiful earth of ours. And just thank you so so much for all that you’re doing and for inspiring us today. You’ve certainly inspired me so thank you. Thank you. That’s it for today’s episode of under Dogs. Catch us next week, always dropping on Thursdays. And remember, if you’re interested in real estate or want to learn how to create more money and magic in your life, check out meetwithpamela.com and let’s chat. Sending you so so much love
Tune in to the episode to hear the rest of my incredible interview with the amazing Bryan Post.
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The Underdog Podcast host is none other than Pamela Bardhi. She’s rocking the Real Estate Realm and has dedicated her life as a Life Coach. She is also Forbes Real Estate Council. To know more about Pam, check out the following:
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