Amanda Gore

Welcome to another episode of the UnderDog Podcast! Today, I’m excited to share an insightful discussion with speaker and author Amanda Gore about her journey of personal and professional growth. Amanda has had an unconventional career path that has taken her from physiotherapy to ergonomics to public speaking, but what I find most fascinating is her journey of self-discovery. By sharing her own life experiences of overcoming fears, healing past wounds, and learning to experience more joy, Amanda provides valuable insights into how our childhood experiences shape our unconscious beliefs and behaviors as adults. In this episode, she dives deeply into topics like reprogramming the mind by connecting with your inner child, reframing negative self-talk, and gaining conscious control over thoughts and realities.

Amanda Gore, a renowned conference keynote speaker in both Australia and the USA, is celebrated as a “Hall of Fame” speaker. Her engaging style is showcased on her YouTube channel, amandagoretv, offering glimpses into her captivating presentations. Known for her personalized approach, she tailors content through detailed briefings, ensuring alignment with objectives. As CEO of The Joy Project, Amanda’s impact extends beyond the stage. Inducted into the USA Speaker Hall of Fame, she collaborates with diverse organizations, fostering cultures of joy and engagement. With a firm belief in the profound influence of emotions in business, Amanda champions the importance of positive feelings in driving productivity, creativity, and overall success.

Key Takeaways:

  • Recognize unconscious beliefs and fears from childhood: Amanda Gore explains how our core beliefs and fears are ingrained in us from childhood experiences, shaping our behaviors and lives if left unexamined.
  • Observe patterns and feelings to identify underlying stories: She stresses the significance of noticing repeating life patterns and negative emotions, tracing them back to the underlying unconscious narratives and beliefs. 
  • Connect with your inner child and provide self-love: This emphasizes the significance of reconnecting with your inner child by offering compassion, addressing past wounds, and creating an environment of love and security to transform restrictive beliefs.
  • Reframe negative self-talk through alternative stories: She promotes recognizing fears and judgments and deliberately opting for positive narratives about self-worth, goodness, and belonging to alter mindsets.
  • Practice self-awareness and conscious control of thoughts: Stresses becoming an observer of one’s thinking and shielding oneself from negative external influences in order to gain control over beliefs and realities.

In a reflective moment, Amanda urges us to recognize our worthiness of love and belonging, emphasizing that self-acceptance is key to finding joy—an episode not to miss, with the potential to reshape your outlook and ignite your own Underdog narrative.

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The Underdog Podcast host is none other than Pamela Bardhi. She’s rocking the Real Estate Realm and has dedicated her life as a Life Coach. She is also in the Forbes Real Estate Council. To know more about Pam, check out the following:

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Amanda Gore Shares Her Secret Formula to Joy and Connecting with Your Inner Child

Pamela Bardhi: And you’re listening to the underdog podcast. Hello everyone, and welcome to the Underdog podcast, today, I am super excited to have Amanda here. How are you, Amanda?

Amanda Gore: I’m very well, thanks, Pam. And I’d love to know how you called it the underdog, is that relevant?

Pamela Bardhi: It is, absolutely. Yeah. As the underdog, it’s been my whole life journey in a nutshell, if you will. When we came to the United States, I was about five years old, my parents came with nothing. Didn’t know how to speak English, didn’t have any family here, and they won the visa lottery. Built everything from the ground up, so came to the US with nothing and built everything. And then I built my own kind of entrepreneurial dream, but I started in business at, like, ten years old. So, underdogs, the name of the podcast as a result of it, and it’s kind of like my whole life identity. That’s where that all kind of comes together.

Amanda Gore: Amazing woman, amazing. I should be interviewing you.

Pamela Bardhi: We can do that, so we can do a mix of both, right? I’m just so excited to have you here today and really dive into your story. And just hear all the magical things that you’re up to in the world and really how you got to this space, right? Because it’s those stories that really make this what it is, right? So the Underdog podcast is truly all about bringing these stories together and showcasing how someone actually got from. From a to z, right? A lot of the time, you know, social media has disillusioned us in so many different ways, right?

That we think that it just happens overnight and we know, oh, this person was super successful. There’s no way that he or she went through this, this and this. When you and I know that success, you’ve got to go through many fires before you ever see that sunlight, right? So that’s why I created all of this. And that’s why I’m super excited to have you on and hear all about you and your magic.

Amanda Gore: I’m not sure I’ve got that much magic, but I’m happy to share it with you. You want me to start when I started?

Pamela Bardhi: Yeah, absolutely.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a physiotherapist

Well, first question I was going to actually ask you. We can reel it all the way back because it always starts at the beginning, right? As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Amanda Gore: I remember so little of my childhood so as a little child, I’ve no clue. But for as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a physiotherapist. In Australia, physiotherapists are a blend of a physical therapist, a respiratory therapist, a chiropractor, a whole range of things. Kind of a nurse as well, so we did a whole lot more. And my mother was a physio and my sister studied physio and I had a cousin who did physio. So that’s really all I wanted to be.

Well, actually that’s not true, I did think about pathology or archaeology. I found out, to be a pathologist, you had to study for six years at college. And then do another three or four, so that was not a go. Then archaeology, I thought, well, you know, probably I’ll never make any money, so I went back to physiology. So that’s where I started as a kid. But I never really had huge dreams, aspirations, nothing, nothing. That was just me being a physio.

Pamela Bardhi: That’s amazing, though. But you actually ended up stepping into that world, so when you were younger, I actually ended up in that space. Which is amazing.

Amanda Gore: Had to wait till I got to college, but I knew, I wanted to do from that time on. I’m not a prodigy by any stretch of the imagination, I talked a lot, but I wasn’t a prodigy. So I went to college and topped every year at college. Got to, topped every year at school, I was driven, I didn’t know what I was driven by back then. But I was driven, then I worked as a physio for several years and worked in London for a while. And then went back to Sydney and worked in hospitals and worked in private practice. Then I went into ergonomics and occupational health again by chance, I didn’t have any plans to do that. I met some physios who were specializing in that.

At the time there was a kind of a global epidemic of repetition strain injuries. That’s a long time ago, and I just moved into that field and ended up working with Australia Post. I was the fastest moving thing at Australia Post and the tax office, two places I never imagined I’d work at. And then I had co authored a book with someone and I had started consulting. Somebody invited me to speak at a conference and there was a man there who was a speaker. A professional speaker, and he was American, but living in Australia. Then I finished whatever I was doing, because I was doing a lot of training, but I didn’t plan to be a speaker.

Now, I came off stage and he said, you should be a speaker. And I said, what’s a speaker? And then he mentored me into the business. I’d like to say that I had a grand plan for everything, but I haven’t. I just followed what was presented in front of me, really. But I worked very hard at each of the things I did, so I wanted to be the best physio. And I wanted to be the best ergonomist and I wanted to be the best speaker. So I’ve had amazing opportunities in the last 35 years of speaking to learn. Grow, develop, travel and do all sorts of things I never imagined I’d do.

Pamela Bardhi: Amazing, but what’s really critical to Amanda is the fact that you said yes, right? There could be these life opportunities that come at us, right? But if we don’t open the door, if we don’t say yes, then it’s one of those things that you could have missed. So say that you didn’t say yes to that speaking thing. You could have just been in physio for the rest of your life, right? Open yourself up to that. Like what kind of opened, made you kind of, want to open that door in the speaking realm. If you will, because that’s entirely different, than physio.

Amanda Gore: Well, do you know, I think I was born to be a teacher. Really, because I used to teach undergraduate and postgraduate at college. Then most of my job in ergonomics was training or teaching. So I think I’ve always had, I guess, a natural affinity for it. But I didn’t even know the speaking world existed, back then in Australia, it wasn’t a very well established profession. It’s much bigger now, but back this 35 years ago, there were really a pretty small handful of people. Who were actually speakers and hardly anybody knew what it was, and I was passionate about wellness. And again, that was back in the day when you’d say to somebody, wellness and they’d go, well, what?

In Australia they’d say something much ruder. but nobody knew what it was. I was just passionate about helping people stay well because I’d treated people who were sick for so long. It was so easy to stay physically pain free and healthy, and so I was really passionate about teaching that. And it morphed from that into stress because stress was a big part of how you felt. How your body was and how you responded to things, I started looking at all the things that cause stress. So I started to study communication and got a masters in neurolinguistics. I’d already, like, almost had a degree of psychology from college that morphed into joy.

Didn’t plan to speak on joy, I just kind of had, I guess you’d call it inspiration, intuition. A big booming voice that said you need to write a book on joy. Had done a couple of books and I hadn’t had any trouble doing that. Could not write this book on joy, I just could, I tried, I couldn’t do it. Gave up in the end, and then my mother died. I was devastated because I was really close to my mum. And we were living, my ex husband and I, with whom I’m great friends, he’s a wonderful man. We were living in Vermont at the time, and I had a dream or a vision or something one morning. My mum said to me, I will put together a writing committee.

You meditate and we’ll download the information. I went, okay, that hadn’t happened to me before, so I thought, I’ll give it a try. Nothing else was working, so I went downstairs and I meditated. Then I went to the computer and I wrote about 30 pages in the book. The rest of the book just came out. Did that every morning, and it only took four or five weeks to write. It’s a fat book, you know, I’d like to say I wrote it, but I think I channelled it. It ended up being a book called Joy is an inside job. And then I just started speaking more and more and more on joy, and here I am today.

Pamela Bardhi: I love that.

Can you tell us a little bit more about your book? And really, like,

Can you tell us a little bit more about your book? And really, like, I mean, all of the things, I mean I love this. I love that you said you channelled it, because I think that connection to source is everything. Business is a very spiritual game, and most people don’t realize that. How it’s really an extension of who you are, your manifestations of abundance and all of these different things. But I would love to hear about your process and how you wrote it and how you connected in order to make that happen. Because, again, that’s authenticity at its finest, when you can do that right, and connect to your higher self. Then also just a bit about the book, too, snippets, because we obviously want everyone to read it. Right, but snippets.

Amanda Gore: Oh, I don’t mind, it’s a fat book, I couldn’t tell you all about it anyway. In fact, I looked at it again, just, I don’t know, maybe a year ago. And I thought, wow, this book’s actually pretty good, I’d like to claim that I take sole responsibility for it. But honestly, I really feel like, particularly as I look back on it, I must have channelled it. Because I’m pretty sure I didn’t have all that wisdom.

There are twelve chapters in your book about how to experience joy

But the first, and it’s interesting too, because there are twelve chapters, which is a very spiritual number. And the last chapter, again, I didn’t really know what I would be writing about. But the last chapter came up as a title of equanimity, which I finally changed because almost no one understands what equanimity is. And so I changed it to inner peace, blow me down if that chapter. I thought, well, what am I going to write about that? I don’t know anything about equanimity, I was the least equanimitous person I knew.

As it turns out, it was the longest chapter because it was an integration of the previous eleven, which was fascinating. I don’t think I realized it at the time, but I have in that time between now and then. And the first chapter, which is the fundamental, I think, pillar for joy is gratitude. I’d like to say that I can recite all the chapters to you, but I’ll probably miss one or two out. But there’s gratitude, compassion, reverence, love, listening, laughter, inner peace, and three others.

Pamela Bardhi: I love this so much, Amanda, I mean, there’s so many things because it’s like, what is joy? Right? How do you experience it? Because you see some people that really are so full of life and they’re so happy, and you’re just like. You know, how did they get there? Then it’s just some people that are just, you know. I’ve found in my journey, it’s really a mindset, like, it’s what you choose to focus on, right? And it’s like reprogrammed, but then you know, there’s a depth to that because there’s people out there that know. That their victim mindset and their mindset right now is slowing down everything in their life. But they’re.

That’s their programming, they don’t understand how to break out of that because it takes reprogramming to break those cycles. You really have to force yourself, I mean, you really have to force yourself to do kind of digging deep. And like, saying, I choose this, even though every part of my being is trying to get me to do this. Because that’s the subconscious mind speaking. So I would love to, from your perspective, hear a little bit of, like, what are some practical steps. That we can actually reprogram a little bit to be able to experience that joy. Right, because I think that’s the hardest part.

Amanda Gore: Right?

Pamela Bardhi: Like, people are in that space. And there might be people listening right now that are saying, I really want to experience joy. I just don’t know how or what are some exercises. Or just some things that would help someone almost, like, reprogram without realizing they’re being reprogrammed. But you know what I mean?

Amanda Gore: It’s really interesting because when I speak these days as well, I know this might put some people off. But I used to prepare, and I still prepare, but I can’t prepare the way I used to. And I get on stage and the stuff just flows out of my mouth. It is way more relevant than I can make it, and it’s pertinent, people say astonishing things afterwards. I can’t even remember what I’ve said. The reason I preceded what I’m going to say with that is because one day I was on stage. Can’t even remember how long ago now, but these three core fears came out of my mouth.

They were, I’m not worth loving or I’m not good enough, that was the first one, double whammy. Second is, I’m unsafe in some way. The third is, I’m separate, I don’t belong, I don’t fit in. Well, as it turns out, those fears. Fear is the real cause, the real joy killer, and we live in a world that currently is filled with fear. And, fear is programmed into us every 45 nanoseconds, and we’re terrified of everything. That fear alone is bad enough to kill joy, but these three core fears that we know through epigenetics are embedded. By the time we’re seven and we as toddlers tell ourselves these stories, it isn’t someone else telling us the story. There’s an environment that we find ourselves in or an experience we have.

And it doesn’t necessarily have to be parents, it can be a one off experience. With a teacher, a sibling, a cousin, a kid, ah, at school, another toddler, someone else’s parent, or your parents. It doesn’t matter, but there’s such a moment for the toddler that we tell ourselves that story at that instant. Usually because it’s a bit traumatic, that story becomes the gospel of your life. M and the critical thing, seriously, the critical thing. It’s not easy, but it’s not that hard because grown ups are basically toddlers walking around in grown up bodies. Pretty much everyone you meet, and you’ll know from being a leader of a team that’s in the building industry. Almost everyone you meet is an adult walking around with a toddler inside them that’s running the show.

Until we become conscious of the stories we’re telling ourselves, we don’t understand why we behave the way we do. We don’t understand why we have crap relationships, we don’t understand why we’re never happy. Or we drive ourselves to burnout because we’ve got to prove ourselves. Because inside there’s this little toddler saying, yeah, but you’re not good enough yet. Keep going, somebody’s got to see you, you’re not enough yet, why would anybody love you? You’re not worth loving. And what I’ve discovered is that if you can work out what story it is you’re telling yourself. By the way, I got the trifecta.

You know, by the time I was five, I told myself I was worthless, not just not worth loving. That I certainly wasn’t worth loving and that I wasn’t good enough. I never felt safe and I didn’t ever belong, hardly ever felt like I belonged or fitted in anywhere. So the first part is to recognize, what story are you telling yourself out of those three? Not worth loving, not good enough. Unsafe in some way. Very common, by the way, if you have alcoholic parents or a parent that’s mentally unwell. And the third is separate, don’t belong, don’t fit in. Which is kind of a, it’s almost an inherent one because as we come from the spiritual realms into earth. We forget who we really are.

And we spend the vast bulk of our lives from the moment we kind of wake up. Trying to rediscover who we really are. That is not the toddler that feels really bad about itself. So first, what story? Second part, when did it start? You don’t need to dive into the dreadful details and relive anything, but if you’re questioning, well. When did that story start? Because remember, a toddler has no capacity for perception, everything in a toddler’s life is about the toddler. If mummy or daddy yells at the toddler, the toddler doesn’t go. Oh, mummy, daddy, I know you haven’t slept for three weeks, because I haven’t slept for three weeks.

Ask yourself who benefits when relationships fail and who benefited

I know you’re exhausted, I know you really love me and you’re just tired. No, that doesn’t happen. The toddler goes, oh, mummy, daddy doesn’t love me. My mum, for a year when I was about two, I never knew. It was only when she died someone wrote to me and told me. However, I told myself not only was I worthless, but I told myself as a toddler, I was responsible for mummy’s happiness. Because if I’d kept mummy happy, she wouldn’t have left. Spent the next 52 years of my life making sure my mother was happy, taking responsibility for her happiness. That’s a very common story for a lot of people. And a lot of high achievers actually have the trifecta because that’s what drives us to keep going. Even to the point of making ourselves sick, which I’ve done.

So once you can, once you know the stories and you start to think about, when did that start? Don’t dive in, but something will pop up in your head about an experience you remember. That’s more than likely the time you told yourself the story. Then the third part, a mentor and friend of mine, doctor David Martin, gave me. It’s to ask yourself who benefits? And in essence, it’s usually not you that benefited. Although more recently I’ve realized, you know, I did benefit in some ways because by driving myself to be the best. Driving myself to study and work and train and do all the things that were necessary. To be at the top of the game. I learned a lot of skills along the way, so I benefited in that respect. But I failed miserably in relationships and in finding joy and being joyful.

You know, it was like a joke in the beginning. I’m sure that’s why the universe said, you have to write a book on joy. Because I was so joyless and I felt like a fraud now. So I probably had to channel a book because I wouldn’t have known what to write. However, when I had to look at that question, who benefits? It was a really tough question and I realized it was my mum. My parents divorced when I was five, so I didn’t see much of my father because he was an alcoholic. But I realized I was a perfect child, I was a goodie, two shoes, I did all the right things. I behaved at school, I was nice, I was friendly and always aware of how mum felt.

She didn’t realize it, of course, she was the best mum she could be, but she benefited, so what story? When did it start and who benefited? Then the real key once you get that, is to become an observer of your thinking in epigenetics. We know that by the time you’re seven, the stories are embedded. And we know that 95% to 99% of the time, we’re literally unconscious of what we’re thinking. That means those stories are running 24/7 in the background and we have no clue. As David teaches in one of his classes, they act like a reflex. So when you step on a nail, your brain doesn’t go, that’s m uncomfortable. I wonder what that is, It appears to be in my foot. Oh, I should look down, that doesn’t happen.

You step on a nail before you even know you’ve stepped on the nail, your foot’s off the nail. And 87 million physiological responses are happening in your body to respond to the nail in the foot. These fears are like, they get triggered and instantly a reflex kicks in. Defensiveness, anger, diminishing yourself are a broad array of things. But the real clue is to look at the patterns in your life. So for me, the most obvious pattern was relationships. Because to all intents and purposes, I looked as I was, doing incredibly well in my career. Came to America, I had ten years in America, I was incredibly blessed while I was here. I was the hot new thing and had a very successful career here. Went home, got married, had success over there, and I’d been successful before I went to America.

So if you looked at me from all the outside perspectives, I looked successful, was I happy? No. Was I joyful? Oh, no. And I was miserable in my relationship. My husband and I, ex husband and I, are great friends, and I, ah, love him dearly. We just couldn’t live together. It showed up in the patterns because that was my second marriage and I’d had relationships along the way. But when you don’t believe you’re worth loving, you don’t believe somebody else could love you. When you don’t feel safe, it really doesn’t matter what environment you’re in. You don’t feel safe if your toddler doesn’t feel safe. Honestly, some people will be listening to this going, oh, not that inner child stuff again. Because that’s exactly what I did.

Seen therapists, I’d done everything to try to sort things out, and they’d go, oh, about the inner child. I’d go, no, no, not the inner child, i’m not going there. No, not everything in your life is related to the inner child, well, now I know it is, pretty much. And finding a way to connect with your inner child, with that little toddler. There are various things, but you can just love them and say, look, I know something happened when you were little. But what you’re saying is not true, and I’m here now, we’ve grown up, you can go out and play. You go out and play, because that’s what little kids do, or you can say, step aside, I’ve got you. You’re safe over there, I’m going to take over the reins now, and we are safe.

We’re grown ups, and we’re not in a dark alleyway with somebody with a knife in a sheath behind us. We are safe. And you are worth loving, because when you can create that connection and acknowledge the little girl, it’s easier. Mind you, I had tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried. It’s probably only in the last week that I had an experience of actually being able to feel the little girl. Actually have compassion for her, so I’ve worked on myself endlessly. I know some people are probably saying, well, why are we listening to her? You know, like, she hasn’t done it well in the last week or so, I finally managed to get there. So I’m a living example, it can be very challenging, but if you persevere, you can get there.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely.

All our subconscious mind was created by the time we were seven years old

Oh, my goodness. I mean, I just, you mentioned so many different things, and it’s when you mentioned the adult being. The toddler being in adult bodies, that’s a hundred thousand percent true. Because if our minds are, are that, that they’re programmed by the time that we’re seven years old. And neuro linguistics programming tells us this, epigenetics tells us this. Like, literally all our subconscious mind was created by the time we were seven years old. So whatever happened before that point, that’s what lives in our head every single day.

You don’t even realize that it’s affecting all of your programming. All of your thoughts and all of your decisions and all of your relationships and all these things. So anyone who’s listening right now takes the time to really step all the way back and really think about this. Like, think about what are the voices in your head saying? And bring in that awareness.

Amanda Gore: Like you said, Amanda, that being an observer, be an observer of your thinking. The feelings you have are the trigger for you to observe your thinking. Because those feelings will come from a story, and that story you told yourself is not the truth. You absolutely are worth loving, and you absolutely are good enough, just because you’re a human being. It doesn’t mean we can’t grow and develop, but you are absolutely worth loving and absolutely good enough. And if you start to feel off in any way, then become an observer and see if those thoughts feel. If those thoughts are part of the stories, you know, I’m not good enough, I’m going to screw this up.

People are going to find out I’m useless, and I’m not worth loving, and I just don’t feel safe. But we didn’t register, we don’t feel safe, it’s just a toddler inside us going. And that screws up everything and, the feeling of separation and not belonging, that continues too. Affects us with everything, so almost all the misery comes from the fears, and the fears aren’t, true, their stories. If you become an observer of your stories, wake up and be more conscious of the feelings that you have. That is the clue to the story you’re telling yourself. Then you start to get some kind of conscious control over how you’re behaving.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely, and that conscious control, amended. What are some questions you were saying to connect and really start to reprogram these things? You were just saying, connecting with your inner child and saying, hey, I recognize you, but you’re okay now. Like, what are some exercises or things that people can do? That once they get that, once they start hearing the voice in their head. And understanding where it’s coming from and observing. Right, like, what are some next steps to start the reprogramming process, if you will?

Amanda Gore: Well, honestly, that first step is huge. It become the way I usually describe it, is to think of a series of concentric circles. In the center circle is the essence of who you are, that’s you when you were born. Like a brand new, perfect, fabulous computer, and it was state of the art. It’s got all the shiny bits, bells and whistles, everything, and then the next circle, by the way, that’s your source code. Source, code, you come in with this fabulous code, you are an astonishing being of light. That’s your essence, the next zero to seven years, the next circle is where the, what I call malware gets inserted. And the malware are those three core fears. The thing with malware is that if it’s inserted into a computer, you don’t know.

It’s not like a bell goes off, and a sign comes up says, malware. Unless you’ve got a malware program running, what happens is that the malware gets inserted, then it starts to multiply. And you don’t notice anything wrong with your computer for a long time, usually. But then you start to notice little glitches, little bits and pieces here and there. Gradually they become more and more noticeable, until finally, it’s so bad, you go, whoa, I think I’ve got malware. So that’s precisely how they work. The thing with malware is, if you run a malware program, oh, by the way, the malware corrupts your source code. Every other aspect of your life is then run on the corrupted code. Not on your source code, on the corrupted code, and what happens is that you run a malware program.

It gets rid of the giant puzzle of the original malware. But while that malware has been in there, it’s been inserting little puzzle all the way through the computer. So you have to keep running the malware program until all the possibles are gone. And that means you go through the process, notice how you’re feeling when you don’t feel good. Look at what you’re telling yourself, challenge that story, replace it with another story that you are worth loving. That’s a tough one. You know, I found that a really tough one myself because, I’m 69 now, and I got that when I was two. I didn’t find out about it until I was 60, and as, 62, actually. David said to me, you have lived 62 years of your life based on the story of a two year old. Do you want to keep going?

Pamela Bardhi: Wow. Oh, my God.

Amanda Gore: No, I don’t want to keep going. You know, but when you break it.

Pamela Bardhi: Down like that, like, I’m just mind blown right when you said that. Because it’s like, how many times does that show up? When you’re observing, you really start to feel this and notice this and go back to like, oh, my gosh. Is that really what’s been playing in my subconscious mind? Affecting all my now life decisions as a 30 something year old or 40 something, 50 something, 60 something? And you don’t think it’s something that minor until you really start observing.

Amanda Gore: Well, it seems that minor, but it’s massive. And you know, I’ve known about this, I’ve been teaching about this for probably 15 years, at least. Maybe a bit more. I’m certainly in a very different place from where I was. But wow, I still try not to be harsh on myself because we so often are.

Amanda says learning to love yourself has been challenging

I’ve made great progress, I’d say, in the last twelve months. Because I moved back to America, and it was one of the hardest moves I’ve ever made. It’s been a particularly challenging time and kind of a bit like COVID because when you’re a speaker, COVID. For me it was like flying 100 miles an hour into a brick wall. Sliding down it as a blob of jelly because I travelled all the time, that was my work. So overnight in Australia, when we were locked down, all my work went. And I had been living that way for so long. Because I was still running on the programs of the stories that I had no clue what to do. I had a house, I didn’t have a home, I had friends, but I was always in and out

I didn’t know what to do when I was at home for more than a week. Because I was never home for more than a week. That was a really tough but valuable lesson to learn. How to actually live and be in the community when you’re allowed to see them. And then, the other time was coming here where I felt very alone and isolated and separate. Perhaps this last one, this last year was the right oat, we’re going to deal with all three of them now. We’re going to smack you in the head and you’re going to have to sit and work this out. So I have made good progress and this is kind of hard to do if you’re very busy. You know, if you’re a busy parent, you’ve got a busy job, you’re busy everywhere.

Because we get into a pattern of being busy, but start to look at why, what’s the reason? What’s the story behind the busyness? Are you madly trying to prove that you’re good enough, to prove that you’re worth loving. And you’re driving yourself into sickness because of all of that, because we’re so unconscious of it? Really, the key, even though I’m giving you a lot of strategies. The key is observing those patterns in your life and paying close attention to how you’re feeling. Then when you don’t feel good, go back to the story and then find another story that’s palatable for you. Like, I couldn’t jump from I, was worthless to I’m worth loving, you know, like, I’m fabulous.

Yeah, great, everybody wants to hang around me, I just couldn’t, I’m not even there yet. But I recognize that I’m kind and generous and I’m a loving person, and I might be misguided at times. So if you start to find the qualities in you that you can acknowledge, then the rest will come. And then this is the other piece, I know I’m talking a lot, but very often people think. Oh, well, if somebody else falls in love with me, then I’ll be lovable. The truth is, when you fall in love with someone else, the real person you fall in love with is whom yourself. Because you’re reflected in the mirror of this other person who thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread.

Who just, oh, my God, I’ll be waiting for you a whole life. You’re so wonderful, you’re so fabulous, you’re so perfect, and you’re doing that to them. And so the reason being in love feels so fabulous is because you finally love yourself. So that’s a goal, really, to feel like that, to feel really good about yourself. Because that’s the most important thing in life, how you feel about yourself.

Pamela Bardhi: Because it reflects everywhere. Everyone is a mirror around you, that’s one of what my really good friend Josiah actually said to me. He’s like, everyone you meet, Pym is just a mirror of you, like, stop that, so funny. Oh, my God, Amanda, I love all these strategies, I think it’s absolutely incredible. I’m just, you know, to anyone who’s listening, like, getting into that observation mode. And then, like, retelling the story and reframing it in your mind. I mean, I’m saying it. It sounds much easier than what it is to actually do because it can take years to get through these points.

But understanding that there’s an underlying reason why you could be seeing certain patterns in your life. Really, when you start recognizing them is when you can start to work through them. Which is the beauty behind really all of this stuff, and it’s part of our life journey. It’s part of the lessons that we were sent here to learn. Right on. That’s why, you know, we have these specific life experiences that really take us through these journeys. Speaking of kind of life in general. And because this is my favorite question, and I always save the best for last.

Michael Grinder: What would your older self tell your younger self

Amanda Gore: Amanda.

Pamela Bardhi: But, you know, your older self. What would your older self tell your younger self based on what you know now?

Amanda Gore: Well, I hate to be repetitive and boring. But I would go back to that little self and help her really believe how lovable she is. And how beautiful she is and how safe she is and how she belongs and she’ll always belong.

Pamela Bardhi: That’s so beautiful, I absolutely love that. Had a feeling you were going to mention something like that, but I was like, it’s my favorite question. I gotta always ask it.

Amanda Gore: Hopefully nobody thinks it’s boring and repetitive. But honestly, they are such key things, I coach people, I speak to people, I speak at events. There isn’t one person that doesn’t relate to something in those. And doesn’t recognize those stories running part or all of their lives.

Pamela Bardhi: To some degree, 100,000%. And that’s the thing that, like, you know, we try, we feel this pain, we feel these emotions. We try to repress them, we try to numb ourselves with certain things. That’s why the addiction is at an all time high, because you’re trying to run from something within yourself. The minute that you face it, and again, you start observing, is when you really start to process it. Understand where it originates from, and then from there, learn to reprogram it slowly. But it’s a process, you know, none of this stuff is, oh, it’s done, right.

This is literally the process of, you want to call it, shadow work, that you’ve got to go on yourself. The part of you that, that you’re scared to go to and be vulnerable to and all of that stuff. I mean, I can speak for myself when I say, you know, I’m a scorpio. We’re mysterious creatures that really don’t ever want to go there, right? But we’ve got all these layers and layers and layers, and the minute I hear, like, vulnerability. I’m like, because I’m so in my masculine all the time, so a lot of what you’re saying is resonating. And I feel like it’s being said to me, it’s like spirits sent you to be like, hey, here’s your mirror.

You know, so it’s really fascinating to hear it in that lens and really, the process of it all. Because it breaks, it down that. No, you’re not crazy, there’s not anything wrong with you, but here is the program. Understand that It’s your programming, and this is how you recognize it. This is how you work through it, and this is how you face it, ultimately. But, of course, it takes time, so I love and appreciate all of the insight, Amanda. I know anybody who’s listening right now is going to be, mind blown and say, holy cow, she is right.

Amanda Gore: Can I say one more thing? Because it’s another thing I’m working on myself. And it’s judgement that is another key because of self judgement, because we did that as a toddler. We didn’t have any basis to do it on. It’s just a toddler who thinks everything in the world revolves around them, they had no capacity to understand. We’ve judged ourselves back then, and then every day since then, we’ve judged ourselves, and then we judge others. So if you can work at identifying the fears and eradicating the fears and knowing that you’re worth loving. No one’s perfect, but we’re worth loving, and no one’s perfect, but we’re good enough. We’re doing our best, unless you’re a real slack ass and you know you’re not doing your best. You’re sitting there being a blob, using people. Then look at the fears.

That are driving that behavior as well, because there’ll be a fear driving it. Michael Grinder, another one of my mentors, used to, I haven’t got something to draw on, but used to draw. Put a diagram up with three stick chairs in a row and in the front chair, I’ll do it this way. In the front chair is the behavior that you want to change, either in yourself or in someone else. The chair behind it is the fear, one of those core fears that’s driving that behavior. Behind the fear is the need that if you feel this need, it takes away the fear. It changes the behavior. So, very often, if you can recognize the fear and love, that little child. And help the little child feel safe and give the child what it needs, then that allays, the fear. Takes the fear away.

One of the core sins that fear causes is separation

Apart from observing, the stories you’re telling yourself based on the feelings you’re feeling. If you notice how much you judge yourself and others, because one of the core sins that fear causes is separation. It separates us from others, and that’s kind of the big kahuna of the fears. We use judgement to separate ourselves from others. It’s kind of like part of the human condition for us to overcome, and again, this is a true story. I know we’re going on a bit, but, maybe 20 years ago, somebody accused me of being judgmental. And I actually didn’t even know what that meant, I was so used to being judgmental.

It was just integrated into my everyday life. Didn’t know what it was, it took me years to work out. I know this makes me sound like I’m utterly stupid and I don’t understand it. And I might not be aware of the changes I did make. But really, I had no idea, and I think a lot of the population walks around not knowing they’re judging. Every time you judge yourself or you judge someone else, you’re separating yourself from them. We’re all connected, quantum physics, we’re all connected all the time, you’re never alone. You feel it, but you’re never alone.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. I love all of that.

The way that people treat you is a reflection of their internal being

That was such a great point too, to mention Amanda. Because, again, the judgement in others, it’s like, what patterns are you seeing surfacing in your life? Are you, you know, that are you projecting in the form of judgement? That’s one of the most important things that I ever actually learned in my lifetime. It was like the way that somebody treats you is a reflection of their internal being. And it has nothing to do with you, it’s a reflection of them. So understanding that and not taking things personally allowed me to not be able to react anymore. You know, because I’m like, that’s a projection of what they’ve got going on inside of them.

It has nothing to do with me. And at that point is where I was just like, kind of like, at peace. Where I was able to kind of accept that and say, I don’t have to prove myself to every single person. It’s not that they’re judging me, it’s their own internalization of whatever they’ve. Their beliefs and systems and processes are in their mind, and it has nothing to do with me. The minute that you can release that is the minute that you can be at peace and not really worry. People ask me all the time, Pam, how do you not give an f about anybody or anything? When you’re doing what you’re doing in, like, business or life or just kind of being yourself?

I’m like, the way that people treat me is not a reflection of what they think of me. It is a reflection of themselves. So how can I react and be angry at somebody who is just reflecting off something internal towards me energetically? You’ve got to shield yourself from that kind of thing because if you allow that in, same thing, right. This whole analogy, and this is one of my favorite things ever, is a ship can go above any water, right? The minute that water gets inside the ship is when it starts to sink. But it can go over any sea, it can go over any sea, but the minute it goes in. You allow it in, that’s what I say.

Amanda Gore: Really? I’ve never heard that before, that’s brilliant. Really brilliant. Yeah.

Pamela Bardhi: It’s one of my favorite analogies because it makes so much sense.

Amanda Gore: Yeah, it does. And you know, the thing is, it’s not there. Can we say shit? It’s not their crap that’s sinking you, it’s the fact that you let the crap in. Because, you know, they can’t force feed you with the water or push it in. There has to be something that lets the water in and then the sinking is what we do to ourselves. If we allow that crap in, then it’s happened just recently to me again, I got caught. Didn’t recognize it and my confidence disappeared, I mean, just went. I was so insecure and I let that happen, but it took me a day or so to realize it. Slow learner. But then I had to go on and, you know. Start bailing the water out if you like, or removing the crap because it wasn’t mine.

That was still very challenging, so really, life is a whole series of things like that where you. Because as you become more conscious, you think you’re doing really well, but there’s always a refinement. So there’s always a moment when something comes in and you feel like hell. You know, then you don’t know what’s going on because it’s a reflex and it’s happening so quickly. Then you breathe and then you start to observe it and you go, oh, that’s what happened. And then you got conscious control over it, and you can be more wary.

Pamela Bardhi: Exactly. It’s that conscious control that’s the element that you want to get yourself into is that state of awareness. You’re still never going to be perfect, right? Because this can take to do. But at least if you’re consciously aware, you can then make the decision to change it. You know, super key.

Amanda Gore talks to Underdog about reprogramming the mind

I love all of this. And I am so curious to know what you’re up to like in the next few months. Then, like, I’m sure everyone who’s listening is like, where can I find Amanda? Where can I hear all the things I would love?

Amanda Gore: I love speaking to real estate groups, they’re such wonderful, vibrant people. In fact, I was just speaking at the AEC conference for narrative. It was the day that they had the announcement about all the court cases and things. That was interesting. Would love it if they go to amandagore.com, comma. They can get in touch with me and you can buy the book there. But if you’re having a local real estate conference or anything bigger, I’d love to be speaking outdoors. If you’re not in real estate and you’ve got an organization that has any kind of event. I’d love to be able to present. I usually make it funny on the grounds. Such deep stuff that people would be in the, coma at the end of it if I didn’t make it funny. So thank you for the opportunity to say that.

Pamela Bardhi: Thank you so much, Amanda, for all your wisdom and just taking us through this journey today. Your life story and really all these elements of joy and how to experience it. Then also taking us from, a to z on reprogramming the mind, which is years process. Right. But it’s incredible. I love the way that you broke it down and dissected it so that we could really fully understand. And be able to at least know the process and how to shift our realities. Because if you control the mind, you control your reality. Really, your external representation of life is what’s happening internally. So the more that work we can do inside, the greater.

Amanda Gore: And our hearts, In our hearts, that’s the other big thing.

Pamela Bardhi: Amen. Amanda, thank you so much for being here.

Amanda Gore: Thank you. Thanks for inviting me. Okay, bye, everyone.

Pamela Bardhi: Thank you. So that’s it for today’s episode of Underdog, catch us next week, always dropping on Thursdays. Remember, if you’re interested in real estate or want to learn how to create more money. And magic in your life, check out meetwithpamela.com, and let’s chat. Sending you so much love.

 

Tune in to the episode to hear the rest of my incredible interview with Amanda Gore. If you found this story worth your time and made changes in your life, we’d love to hear from you! Subscribe and leave a review. The Underdog Podcast host is none other than Pamela Bardhi. She’s rocking the Real Estate Realm and has dedicated her life as a Life Coach. She is also Forbes Real Estate Council. To know more about Pam, check out the following:

If you’re interested in elevating your life 10x, and owning your power, Pamela invites you to join her for a 15-minute call to set your goals straight and get clarity. Start building your game plan now: meetwithpamela.com