Anil Gupta
Meet Doctor Love on the latest episode of the Underdog podcast, Anil Gupta, fresh from a life-changing week on Necker Island. In our conversation, Anil shares his journey from aspiring magician to becoming a transformative coach, revealing the power of acts of kindness and the magic of human connection. Discover how adversity shaped his path, the importance of forgiveness, and the profound impact of separating behavior from personhood. Uncover the secrets to fulfillment and how to cultivate deeper relationships through gratitude, giving, and genuine communication.

Anil Gupta, a world-renowned relationship expert known as the “Love Doctor,” has dedicated his life to helping singles and couples achieve fulfilled lives. His workshops, held in over 18 countries and 8 languages, have captivated audiences of over 10,000. Anil’s journey began in 2008 when he overcame a personal crisis through deep inner work, transforming his life and understanding the importance of personal growth. He has since shared his insights at TEDx, Harvard, and on major media platforms, authored the best-selling book “Immediate Happiness,” and created the Happiness Formula and Happiness Test. His mission is to help millions invest in their relationships, impacting lives globally, including those of high-profile individuals like Mike Tyson.

Key Takeaways:

  • 3 G’s: he explores the concept of fulfillment and the three G’s formula: giving, gratitude, and greatness.
  • Power of mindset: Dr. Love also discusses the power of mindset in dealing with pain and suffering, emphasizing that pain is temporary, but suffering is a choice.
  • Reframing perspectives: the importance of reframing perspectives to find joy and love in daily interactions, separating behavior from the person, and fostering forgiveness for healing
  • Nurturing relationships: He shares strategies for nurturing healthy relationships, including effective communication, prioritizing one’s partner, and addressing issues reciprocally. Additionally, Dr. Gupta highlights the significance of instilling resilience and empathy in children through mindful parenting practices like engaging in dinner table conversations
  • “The Blueprint of Love”: he discussed his upcoming projects, including a new book and initiatives to support children’s well-being.

Uncover the secrets to fulfillment and how to cultivate deeper relationships through gratitude, giving, and genuine communication. Don’t miss this love-filled story of Dr. Love and be inspired to do your own acts of kindness.

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The Underdog Podcast host is none other than Pamela Bardhi. She’s rocking the Real Estate Realm and has dedicated her life as a Life Coach. She is also in the Forbes Real Estate Council. To know more about Pam, check out the following:

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Dr. Love, Anil Gupta’s Wisdom on Gratitude, Relationships, Parenting and Service

Pamela Bardhi: Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Underdog podcast. Today I have an incredible, amazing, beautiful guest here with me, Doctor love. How are you, my magical friend?

Anil Gupta: I’m so thrilled to be on this show with you. And it was a magical experience last week, spending time on Necker island with Sir Richard Branson.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my goodness. Last week, I can’t even believe it was last week, it feels like light years ago at this point. But last week was one of the most magical weeks, I think of my life. You know, we spent some time together. That’s where I had the honor of meeting you in person and also meeting Sir Richard Branson, too. That was unbelievably unreal, and I was telling you before this call.

I was like, you know, your presentation has rung in my brain since you gave it so many times. It just keeps coming in and out, and every time I’m thinking about it, I’m reflecting on it. I’m just like, every time something new pops in my brain with it, so thank you for that. And that makes me even more excited to hear more about your story in detail today. Doctor Nolan, I’m so grateful for you, truly.

Anil Gupta: Yeah. And, you know, we’re going to share some of those insights with your listeners so that they can benefit, too. So, let’s get started and start serving them.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. And I want to back it up a little bit. Because I want to hear all about you and your magic, and then we can dive into all of that.

Doctor: There’s nothing greater than helping other people

And, one of the things that I love to start with, doctor love, is really, you know. What did you want to be as a kid growing up? Like, what was your inspiration, motivation at that time?

Anil Gupta: Was thinking about this the other day, and I wanted to be a magician. Then someone posted something the other day on Facebook. He says, when you get these immigration forms and they ask you your profession. And he would write, you know, speaker, mentor, then he wrote creatively, and I thought, what would I write? You know what I wrote? I wrote magician because I create magic, and I thought, wow, that’s so interesting.

Pamela Bardhi: I love that. It makes so much sense. Because you literally do that, I can attest that you do do that, actually, in real life.

Anil Gupta: It’s a beautiful thing, there’s nothing greater than helping other people. And with your underdog, business and profile and mission, that’s what we’re doing. We’re helping other people, and we never know the impact we have on other people. We never know what other people are going through. But just performing a little act of kindness can go a long way.

Pamela Bardhi: Amen.

You urge people to perform five acts of kindness this year

And I just, it really strikes me just how passionate, incredible, like, the soul that you are is so magical. I wanted to get a little bit of backstory. As a child growing up, what was your biggest who or what were your biggest motivators? Maybe it’s multiple things and all of that, and maybe that could be inspired by where you live, all of these things. So walk me through the journey of the early years of doctor low.

Anil Gupta: Early on, someone gave me some motivational tapes, inspirational tapes from the Nightingale Conant Corporation. There’s think and grow rich, The power of positive thinking, a lot of beautiful cassettes I’ve never even heard of. And I thought, this is strange, I’ve never been taught this. So then I went to university, became an optometrist, started my business, then started back again. Really, it all developed from there, and by that act of kindness, someone gave me something. If you give someone a book, someone gives you a gift or gives you some coaching or guidance. It makes all the difference. I remember when I was in 1918, I wanted to go and leave the house, and I wanted to study. Just wanted to get out of the house. Was willing to take any university course. My neighbor stopped me, said, look, don’t do that, man.

It’s crazy. You’re not going to get a job, it’s a waste of time, and you’re trying to escape. That man I’m eternally grateful for, because I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. We have the power to make that change in other people. All we have to do is show up with integrity and honesty and step up and say, you know what? I have to say something to him, I have to say something to her, let me help them. And it’s a beautiful thing, the acts of kindness. When we went biking, you noticed that Richard carried the bag. He didn’t have to, and he did it on two occasions, you know? So these acts of kindness make all the difference that makes a difference. It is love, you know, an act of kindness, it’s an act of love.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. We really talked about that a bit at Netgar when I believe it was Holly that was giving her presentation about your superpower. She said, you know, at that time, before I started my business, before I did anything. It connects to this gentleman that you were just speaking of, that all someone needs is a little validation. If they have that, that’s enough to help them get to another level. And that, to me, was so profound because it made me reflect back on my journey. I was like, all I needed was for someone just to believe in me. That’s really all it took to create all of this.

Anil Gupta: Look what it took here, that little impetus that little conversation can make the difference, that makes a difference. You know, I would urge everybody, watching or listening just to go out and perform five acts of kindness. When you perform an act of kindness, you receive endorphins, the person receiving the act of kindness receives endorphins. Person watching the act of kindness receives endorphins. And then when you share that, the person giving the share receives endorphins. The person receiving the share receives endorphins, and it just continues and it’s a ripple effect. It’s huge.

Pamela Bardhi: It’s absolutely huge, and you mentioned something super important, too, so Sir Richard Branson literally was carrying water twice. And things like that. This whole piece of kindness, these people have this ideology that rich people are no good because they don’t. Whatever, there’s this stupid stigma. But it’s like there are really amazing people in this universe that really care and that are kind. Genuinely kind and really want to help somebody. At the stature of Sir Richard Branson, you would theoretically think would never carry bottles of water, right?

Anil Gupta: Yeah.

Pamela Bardhi: But as you were mentioning twice, that tells you so much about a person. These acts of kindness tell you everything you need to know about them.

Anil Gupta: Yeah, sure. And you know how I measure a man’s wealth is what he has left. When you take away all these possessions, how kind is he? How generous is he, how playful is he and how fun is he? You’ve experienced the man, he’s a lot of fun, he’s playful, he’s easy to be with. He doesn’t criticize, he doesn’t judge, he listens, and it’s just a joy to be with him.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. It’s just so joyous to be around people like that, that just makes you smile. And you are one of those people.

Anil Kapoor transitioned from optometry to entrepreneur in 2008

And I just, I loved, you were mentioning you were in optometry. So how did you transition into this beautiful world that you’re in now? I would totally want to hear all about that and how the transition happened.

Anil Gupta: We’d have patience, and then we’d have a little bit of time at the end. Sometimes they would ask me a question, I would give them an answer. They would come back and say, oh, that was amazing, it changed my life. And I thought, of course it did, but I realized then it was obvious to me, but it’s not obvious to everyone. Then in the year 2000, Tony Robbins said to me, you should be a coach. I’ve seen the difference that you make to the other group here. I looked up and said, what are you talking about? You’re the coach, but often in life, we see greatness in other people that we don’t see in ourselves. In 2008, I was on the verge of suicide.

I’d lost everything on the stock market, real estate, really, I wasn’t being smart with my money. Had to go up to the bedroom, I was ready to tell my wife, I thought, she’s going to go crazy. I said, honey, look, I did something really bad. I’ve lost the house, the car, everything’s going to go, the student, money, kids money. And she looked up at me, and I remember this with those big brown eyes. Smiled, and I thought, did you not hear what I said? What’s wrong with you? She said, no, honey, you’ve been behaving strangely lately, and I thought there was something serious. I thought there is nothing more serious than this, and I was getting upset, you know?

She said, no. You don’t get it, I thought you were dying, I thought you had cancer, I don’t care about the money. When did I ask you for money? And then I realized that she’d never asked for money, that’s what I thought she wanted. Ladies and gentlemen, just ask your partner, what is it you want? You’ll be surprised, it could be a hug, it could be more time with you. Be present, be kind, be gentle, be playful. I want my old man back, I want my playful husband back, you’ll be surprised what they want. That’s what I realized, and when you have a partner like that, Pamela, it was like rocket fuel.

Then I started doing events. My first, I, ah, wanted to do events, but I was scared. And my friend said, what are you scared of? I said, well, what if no one turns up? He said, look, Anil, if no one turns up, no one will know, I thought, oh, great. So I was so concerned about what other people would think. Oh, you had an event, only one person turned up. But things we have to get out of our own way, it’s not about us, it’s not about our ego. It’s about the difference that we make. We’re all conduits and we all have greatness inside of us. We should really step into our greatness and serve other people.

Pamela Bardhi: Amen. Ah, my goodness, that was so powerful. Every time you speak, I’m just like, it’s like I go into trance mode. I’m just like, oh, my gosh, help me more, that is so powerful. How beautiful is it that that’s exactly what she said to you, that it didn’t matter. And it’s amazing how we set these expectations in our head and we get, as kind of entrepreneurs, right? Like, we want to be providers, we want to help, we want to do the things that we do. We carry a lot of weight not knowing what the other side wants, right, like you were just saying. So understanding what that is is incredibly, incredibly important.

Anil Gupta: It is. And then she said, you made one big mistake, I thought I knew it, she’s going to find something. She said, you haven’t lost it all. You have me, you have the kids, and we’ll sleep in the streets if we have to. Wow, it’s really that simple. We overthink it, we have too much stuff, when you ask when is enough enough? It’s enough. I was just in India, people have nothing, but they’re happy. They are happy, and we should learn from them.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. Well, we get just tied up in the world, tied up in things, tied up in social media. Showing us what reality could be, even though you don’t even realize that that’s the side that they’re showing you. Doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what’s happening behind the scenes. Social media is a big facade, if you will, at times, right. Some people will let you in, some, don’t.

Anil Gupta: And there’s so much anxiety, there’s so much pain and suffering associated with it. Especially for young people, because they put their identity around social media.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. So hearing you speak, and especially that story with your wife. She was saying, you haven’t lost it all, you still have got us like that. When you really think about it at the end of the day. After all of this, right, when we take nothing with us, right? But like you said, that legacy, that love, that imprint your family, all of that remains and that is super key.

You talk about having gratitude for absolutely everything around you

And in your talk last week, which so many pieces of it blew, blew me away. But the three g’s were huge, we’re absolutely huge, and then it’s for your children. You know, I just. Oh, my gosh, like, I would love to re-hear it because it’s some magic to my ears. Last week, I said, it’s still replaying in my head. Like, a week later, and I’m sure for many aeons to come, you know?

Anil Gupta: Yeah. So we were never given a manual, and people think we’re seeking happiness, but we’re not really seeking happiness. You see, happiness is external, you give me $100, I’ll be happy, but it’d be temporary. What we’re seeking is a sense of fulfillment, and it’s just a feeling, it’s a feeling of being fulfilled. And there is a formula, fulfillment is equal to g times g times g. The first g is you have to give your time, your energy, your love, your commitment, your joy, your gift, your money. Give it away, not wanting anything in return. A lot of people are giving, but they want something back.

That’s not really giving that transaction, and it happens in relationships. You know, I’ll give you this, if you give me this, then it’s a transactional relationship. And then one day, that transaction is going to fail. The second g is, you have to be grateful for what you have and not focus on what you don’t have. So do you remember what exercise I asked you to do?

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, your hands, oh, my gosh. Yes. Basically having gratitude for absolutely everything around you. Being grateful for your hands, because look at how much they’re doing for you. Like, how much do you really stop and be grateful. For your feet, your hands, the things that provide for you every single day and do things for you every single day. Right?

Anil Gupta: Yeah.

Pamela Bardhi: And then you got into the conversation about asking your wife, like, what have I not thanked you for today? All of these things in your life that you don’t realize make such a huge, huge difference. Like, I can tell you when I sprained my ankle. That was brutal, because I was like, you take your feet for granted and, you know, your ligaments. Everything for granted until something happens, right?

Anil Gupta: Yeah, and look at Laura. But, you know, she went through, and she was grateful for other parts of her body. Her heart has beaten over a billion times, how cool is that? So I remember one of the first times I was on Neca, I went for the hike, and I slipped and fell. As I fell, I grabbed a cactus with my left hand. I had a hundred bits of cactus in my hand. And I was so upset, but I was only upset for two minutes, you know why? After two minutes, I was grateful, and being grateful is just a muscle. So the reason I was grateful is because that’s not my tennis hand. 

My right hand is my tennis, and I was due to play Richard at tennis. And I would find a way to throw up the ball, or I’d throw it up with my racket. But I was right handed. In moments of despair, in moments of pain and suffering, focus on what you do have. You know, your eyes, your teeth, your heart, your lungs, your hands, your eyes. If you lost an eye, what would it be worth to you? Everything. So, you know it’s not how much money you have, it’s how resourceful are you, how kind are you? Generous are you, how playful are you? That’s what defines your wealth.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely.

Reframing changes your entire reality around pain and suffering

And you said something that struck me, too, during your talk last week when. That just relates to the pain and the suffering piece that you just mentioned. You said, pain is temporary, suffering is a choice.

Anil Gupta: Well, suffering is permanent.

Pamela Bardhi: Permanent, right.

Anil Gupta: Yeah.

Pamela Bardhi: If you choose it, yeah.

Anil Gupta: And, you know, if you focus on. Oh, I’m never going to get better, this is always going to be my life that’s suffering. Like, in Laura’s case, she stabbed her toe, that’s painful. But if she keeps on stabbing her toe for the rest of life, that’s going to be suffering. If she decides, you know, it’s going to heal, I’m going to get over it. You know what? When can I get over it? I’m getting over it right now. So she made that choice, and then she realized that pain is just temporary and suffering is permanent.

Pamela Bardhi: That was a mind blower for me, that was like. I was like, whoa. Because that shifts and reframes your entire reality around pain and suffering.

Anil Gupta: Yeah.

Pamela Bardhi: Like, it’s a total reframe, and so I’m telling you, your talk was one of those. That just was, so many pieces on there, loke, oh, my gosh. Because when people start to see things differently, their mind starts to shift. And once their mind starts to shift, their reality then starts to shift. People don’t understand. Some people don’t understand how powerful that can be in your life, like these. What’s happening internally up here is what happens out here.

Anil Gupta: It’s huge. If you reframe something, there was a client. She worked for a very big company, and she had, a four year old. Would complain every time he came in and, saying, oh, he’s a distraction, he’s this. In that moment, you say that you can’t love that child, and I said to her, what if you reframed it? That every time he comes in, it’s a time for you to be joyful. It is time for you to take a break, it’s a time for you to be present with your son. And she thought, I never thought of it that way, it’s exactly the same circumstance. But if you reframe it, then the meaning changes, the feeling changes, and then the energy changes. Everything is connected. You cannot love someone when you judge them, you cannot love someone when you criticize them.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely.

You said that you really got to forgive. Can we spend a few minutes on that?

That kind of leads me into what else you said last week. Shifted my world and was so magical, which you said that you really got to forgive. The way that you forgive is understanding that a human being is composed of two parts, the person and their behavior. And that was another, like, mind blowing, because I never separated the two. Never have. It’s so easy to target and say, you did x, and hold that grudge.

Anil Gupta: Right? Yeah, you said that.

Pamela Bardhi: I was like, I love you, don’t love your behavior. Can we spend a few minutes on that? Because that, I thought, was so profound, because that’s one of the biggest issues in relationships. And I would love to kind of dive deeper into that and whatever, I mean, whatever your thoughts are on. What is the biggest problem in relationships that you see that you’ve come across with your clients. In your experiences and really kind of this ideology of the human having these two separate pieces. How to forgive easier, because that, I think, just allows for some just powerful healing to happen. Right, because if you start still holding something against someone, you’re holding that inside. So you cannot fully heal until that is released.

Anil Gupta: Yeah, and you know that where the biggest angst is between relationships, it’s the child and the father. Well, the child and the mother, a lot of people grow up and they have resentment towards their parents. But then if you realize there’s the parents behavior, and then there’s the parents. The parents gave you life, they gave you your gifts, but people don’t focus on that. You know, parents may get it wrong, but their intent is never to deliberately hurt you. So you can dislike their behavior, but you can love them as human beings because they gave you life. And they gave you everything, your hands, your teeth, your legs, they gave you your looks, your gift, your success. Then once you can separate the two, then you can go towards forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the express pathway to freedom. The quality of your life is dependent on the depth and authenticity of the forgiveness you extend to yourself and to others. By you, letting go, you win. Because the most expensive real estate in the world is between your ears. Why would you rent it out to people who don’t even know that you’ve hurt them or they’ve hurt you? Who don’t even know that you’re in pain and suffering? Just let it go. And it’s not. It’s simple, but it’s not easy. But once you can do that, it gives you such freedom, such joy.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. And it’s like a power tool to fix relationships in the highest, and best way. I mean, I’m telling you, once he said that, I was like, wow. Like, I literally created a forgiveness list this week. It’s no joke, and I didn’t realize how long that list actually was.

Anil Gupta: Oh, wow. Are you on the list?

Pamela Bardhi: I probably should be.

Anil Gupta: You should be, we all should be. Me too. You know, we beat ourselves up.

Pamela Bardhi: We do. And we expect perfection from ourselves, and sometimes we don’t even realize we’re our worst critic.

Anil Gupta: Absolutely.

Pamela Bardhi: And so I think forgiveness of the self is a huge thing. So I love that you mentioned that, about kind of the separation between the two. Because it really allows you to create forgiveness and authenticity within that relationship, you know, and really gives you clarity. It makes sense because our behavior, if you think about it. I mean, a lot of the time people are just projecting, right? How somebody treats you is not a reflection of how they see you. It’s what’s going on within that they could be reactive to you and it could have absolutely nothing to do with you.

Anil Gupta: Yeah. So powerful, and you know, we spoke about reacting or responding. If you come from a place of response. It’s not coming from fear and it’s coming from a place of strength and courage. And I’m being very objective rather than being subjective and emotional.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. It’s absolutely correct. And all of this stuff is so important when it comes to relationships.

Simple communication could fix a lot of things within a relationship

I would love to hear in your experiences, what are some of the most powerful. Don’t want to say test stories. But some of the most powerful kind of healing experiences that you’ve seen within relationships. And maybe common ones that somebody who’s listening to this right now could say, oh, man. I’ve definitely with that in my marriage, or I know somebody who has. I’m going to pass this along. So I would love to hear some insights there.

Anil Gupta: Yeah. You know, one of the biggest things is that women don’t know what men want. And men don’t know what women want, women want to be loved, men want to be respected above, love normally. So, you know, ask your partner, you know, what can I do to make you feel even more loved? What else can I do? Women want your man to be present, they want to feel safe, they want to feel secure. They want to feel listened to, they want words of affirmation, touch, you know, small gifts, whatever. Men are very easy. Good job. Well done. I’m proud of you. I respect you, I honor you. Thank you for keeping me safe.

Thank you for keeping me secure. You’re amazing, and they don’t want to be criticized. They don’t want you to be closed down, it’s simple stuff. So, for example, I would always leave the toilet seat up, and my wife would complain. I would say, it doesn’t bother me, I’m going to do it. And then one day she said, every time you do that, I can’t love you as much. Then I realized that there’s more at stake than just having fun. Because I don’t want her to lose that for me, and it’s a silly thing. Now, I make sure I put the seat down, I put the lid on the toothpaste tube. It’s a lot easier nowadays because they have flip lids, but in those days, they didn’t.

So, you know, we have to be aware. This is one of the things that, Pamela, that people need to know. Be aware of how you’re showing up in your relationship. How are you showing up as a son, a brother, a sister, wife, a husband, a friend, an employee, employer. And then make some adjustments, a small adjustment here over 510, 20 years is a huge adjustment. You know, I tell people, discipline weighs ounces, regrets weigh pounds.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. Oh, my goodness, it’s so a thousand percent true. It’s when you break it down in such a way that it’s so easy to grasp, it’s like. But it really makes you sit down and really think about it, you’re like, oh, what happens is that miscommunication. And it sounds like that’s the biggest problem in relationships. Like, that set of expectations that we set upon each other, and we may be internalizing and not realizing it.

Anil Gupta: Right.

Pamela Bardhi: Without even asking, like you were mentioning earlier. And I would argue to say, just a, simple communication could fix a lot of things within a relationship.

Anil Gupta: Absolutely.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely.

Anil Gupta: It’s what you say and how you say it, it’s the tone. So a lot of people say, see ya, love ya. When they could say, honey, thank you for giving me two beautiful kids standing by me, being there always for me. And, you know, just being there when I needed you the most. Not flinching, not faltering, and supporting me and guiding me and elevating me. I would give up my life here. Thank you for being in my life. You’re the most beautiful soul I’ve ever met.

You can say that or say love you, you see and we’ve got languaging. Languaging is everything, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. And, you know, if you practice that muscle, and it is a muscle and you master it. Not only will you make more money, you’ll make a bigger impact, you’ll make more friends. The quality of your life will be impacted. You’ll add more years to your life and more life to your years.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely love that. I mean, it’s just, every time you mention things, I’m just, like, so filled with joy and love. You just have this gift, my friend, it’s so magical, but it’s so true when you say it with intention. Authenticity is huge, I mean, authenticity is the most important vibration in this universe. At the highest vibration in this universe, along with love. Right? So you take both, it’s like you’re on a whole different level, right? And your relationships improve and really all of the things.

Making yourself and your partner the number one priorities guarantees a beautiful relationship

And I think that that’s absolutely critical for relationships these days. I mean, it’s just because what happens is you get caught in routine, right, a lot of the time. Then you lose that, you lose that awareness. Would you agree that this is the kind of, craziest time in the world. Where, you know, we’re so caught up with so much that we have going on. That we just can’t really see from the outside looking in of what’s happening, right? It’s happening for relationships all over, both romantic and friendships, too. You almost, like, lose that awareness because you’re so wrapped in your world.

Anil Gupta: Yeah, and it’s so painful to see because it’s not a difficult fix. You know, you have to slow down, change your language, change your tone, change the wording that you use. Listen more, speak less, be aware, take action. Focus on your partner. If you make your partner your number one priority, they will never leave you. As long as they make you their number one priority. And that’s the biggest problem, because they do that, the beginning of the relationship, then it becomes transactional.

I’ll do this, if you do this, they did this, I’ll do that, and then it breaks down. And it doesn’t need to be that way. Because by making yourself and your partner the number one priorities, you’re guaranteed a beautiful relationship. Then there’s no drama, there’s no pain, there’s no suffering, there’s no arguments. Why not? It doesn’t take much, but they need the training, right?

Pamela Bardhi: And really sitting down and having those conversations can fix a lot. In your opinion, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Like, what happens if it’s not reciprocal? How do you face that? With love, if you will.

Anil Gupta: So the thing is, you can’t get emotional, you have to collect the data. And if your partner’s not reciprocating, you need to give them an opportunity to have that conversation. But if they continue to do so, you have to ask yourself, are they the right people in my life? Because the worst thing is to be in the wrong relationship for a long time based on rules. You should be in a relationship, you shouldn’t leave, you should work it out.

But if you’re doing all the giving and they’re doing all the taking, and they’re not meeting your needs. Making you feel loved and respected, you’ve got to ask yourself, is this the right relationship? Then collect the data and then make an informed choice, and sometimes it’s going to be a painful choice. You know, don’t wait until your children have left the house before making that choice, because your life’s over. Would you teach that to your children? No.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely.

The greatest gift you can give your children is adversity, right

Speaking of children, you had some really powerful insights last week on this, which really blew me away. Like, your conversations at the dinner table that you have with your children, that blew my mind. I was like. Then you mentioned, you mentioned it was like, the greatest gift you can give your children is adversity. And I was like, because as a new mom now, my girls are going to be nine months old next year.

Anil Gupta: Twins, twin babies.

Pamela Bardhi: And so I’m always thinking, like, I don’t want to spoil them. Like, I want them to have everything in the world. Don’t get me wrong, but I’m like, I don’t also don’t want those entitled kids, because I’ve seen that, right? I’ve seen entrepreneurs like me who work their butt off to get to where they are, and they want their kids. Oh, I don’t want my kids to struggle the way that I did. There’s a common misconception because you’re like, I don’t want them to suffer like I did.

But that adversity built me, period. Without it, I wouldn’t have the character, the grace, anything that I have right now here at this point. It was the journey that made this success that much more beautiful. Now it’s like, oh, my goodness. How do I make sure my kids are not boiled right? And children of character, you know, that’s a really big thing. So when you said that, I was like, it’s huge.

Anil Gupta: It’s huge, I see. I’m helping so many more families overcome the issue with entitled and enabled kids. Because they just don’t know how to handle situations. And it becomes so painful because then the kids start taking drugs, alcohol, stronger drugs, doing stupid things with cars. So painful, and you have to start young. A lot of parents are so fearful they’re going to lose love from their, from their children. But it’s going to be even more painful if they don’t teach them these rules.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely.

Dinner table conversations instill conscious awareness in children at such a young age

And I think that, one of the ways that you instilled it in your children was those dinner table conversations. Which I thought were so beautiful. It brings so much conscious awareness to them at such a young age, which is unbelievable. Unbelievable, and I love that. If you could share that, that would be lovely, because I was, like, mind blown at all of that.

Anil Gupta: Yeah, so we would sit around the dinner table. We would ask five or six questions that everyone would have to ask. The first question was, what act of kindness did you perform today? Then we’d go around the dinner table, what act of kindness did you see today? And go around the dinner table, what are you grateful for? Go around the dinner table, what did you do today that no one thanked you for? You know, my wife would say, I cooked this meal. So we would all take it in terms to thank her. What did you see, what did you notice?

One day my son said, dad, I noticed you picked me up from school. You gave me a hug and a kiss. Not every parent comes, and not every, most kids don’t want to even be seen by their parents. And I said, son, I will always hug and kiss you, no matter how old you are. If anyone says anything to you. Just let them know my dad loves me because they need to know what to say. Another question, is there anything on your mind? Anything bothering you, or is there anything you’d like to ask?

One day my daughter said, I’m having a problem at school. I said, great, let’s fix it. My daughter said, dad, there’s someone at school being bullied. What should I do, what do we do, what can we do? These are great questions. Then the beautiful exercise is the next day, my son, who was nine at the time, would lead the exercise. And then my seven year old would lead the exercise. They become leaders, they become public speakers, they become confident. Their level of awareness increases, and they’re just more communicative. So if they do have a problem, they’re not going to be scared to talk to you.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, beautiful. I absolutely love that. Those are such powerful conversations to have at such a young age and to have those conversations too. Like, when your parents are picking you up from school, you talked about that too. Which I thought was super important, you know, have fun with it. Just be like, oh, I was at school today. You have to meet them at their certain state of where they’re at. If school reminds them of boredom, they’re going to be like, it was fine.

Anil Gupta: The mistake that parents make is that they expect the child to come into the adult world. You can’t do that, you have to get into the child’s world. What is the child experiencing, what are their fears, their pain points, what do they love and what do they hate? Who are their friends? We would always monitor their friends because one bad friend can destroy everything. And it’s so important. Just for your listeners and readers, I’ve got a PDF for the happiness score, a happiness formula. I’ve got a PDF for the, after dinner conversation or during the dinner conversation that you can share with all your audience. Because once you realize that you can change the behaviors of the people in your life by using change. It’s a beautiful thing, and the power of compounding is huge.

Pamela Bardhi: Thank you so much, doctor love. For offering that to everybody who’s listening, because I’m sure everyone is listening to this. As I was mind blown, they’re going to be totally mind blown with all the lessons. And the gifts and everything that you’ve imparted upon us, which I’m so beyond grateful for.

What would your older self tell you based on what you know now

And this is my favorite question, so I’m super interested to hear what you say on, this one. What would your older self tell your younger self based on what you know now? Life, relationships, business, whatever it may be.

Anil Gupta: Just be even more amazing than I ever was. To be more productive, to be productive, to focus on serving, and to be the best version of me.

Pamela Bardhi: I absolutely love that you’re magic, just magic. This is such, like, authentic love and spirit, and I’m sure that it radiates through the screen. And it’s going to radiate through your voice for anyone who’s listening. So I’m so grateful for you, doctor love.

Anil is working on a second book called Immediate Happiness

Now, in your world, what’s going on in the next few months? What are you up to?

Anil Gupta: So we’re working on the second book, the first book is called Immediate Happiness. And let me ask you a question. The blueprint of love or the book of love, which one do you prefer?

Pamela Bardhi: The blueprint of love, I love.

Anil Gupta: Yeah, that’s what the consensus is, so that’s the book. And then we’re serving a lot of kids in India, about 2 million kids in India. I want to give my content away for free so that people don’t have to go through that pain and suffering. They don’t have to go through the pain of separating with their kids. Or fighting with their partners or fighting with their kids. So really, if anyone wants me to talk, I’d be happy to talk. It’s completely free, I’m happy to give my gift away.

Pamela Bardhi: You’re absolutely magic. Oh, my goodness. And doctor love, where can everybody find you and your magic? How can they reach you? All of the things.

Anil Gupta: So the best way is, my website is meetanil.com. then you’ll get some resources, there that you can enjoy and get some clarity. And then if ever you need to, have some help in leading a richer, full and happier life. There’s a way to book a call with me, and then we can see if we’re a fit. We can serve each other so that we can make a bigger impact.

Pamela Bardhi: You are absolute magic. I am so beyond grateful for you. Such an honor to be here with you.

Anil Gupta: Thank you.

Pamela Bardhi: I adore you. I love you.

Anil Gupta: Magical moments. I love you, too. Thank you.

Meet with Pamela is always dropping on Thursdays at 9pm

Pamela Bardhi: So that’s it for today’s episode of, underdog. Catch us next week, always dropping on Thursdays. And remember. If you’re interested in real estate or want to learn how to create more money and magic in your life. Check out meetwithpamela.com and let’s chat. Sending you so much love.

 

Tune in to the episode to hear the rest of my incredible interview with Anil Gupta. If you found this story worth your time and made changes in your life, we’d love to hear from you! Subscribe and leave a review. The Underdog Podcast host is none other than Pamela Bardhi. She’s rocking the Real Estate Realm and has dedicated her life as a Life Coach. She is also Forbes Real Estate Council. To know more about Pam, check out the following:

If you’re interested in elevating your life 10x, and owning your power, Pamela invites you to join her for a 15-minute call to set your goals straight and get clarity. Start building your game plan now: meetwithpamela.com