Jess Soto’s Healing Journey and Women Empowerment

Pamela Bardhi: Hi, I’m Kevin Harrington, an original shark from the hit television show Shark Tank. And you’re listening to the underdog podcast. Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Underdog podcast. Today I have a very special guest here with me, Jess. How are you?

Jess Soto: Hi, Pamela. I’m doing great. How are you?

Pamela Bardhi: I’m doing fabulous. Seeing your shining, beautiful energy radiating through the screen, it’s magical. And I’m like, I haven’t seen you since Necker island, I’m like, I want to hear all the things. But, you know, we got a chance to meet each other there. Which was magical, and I’m like, heard bits of your story, and I was like, oh, my God. I can’t wait to hear the full story because where you are, girl, you are magic. It’s incredible.

Jess Soto: Thank you, thank you. I really appreciate that.

Pamela Bardhi: Of course, of course, and you just got this beautiful spirit about you, and, like, we’ve shared certain things. You know, when we were there, and I was like, okay, well, I want to hear. Like, the full story in detail because where you are now is just absolutely incredible. And such an inspiration to those who are going to hear this today. So I appreciate you so much for being here.

As a kid, you always loved animals. And what was your favorite animal? Cats. Dogs. Birds

And one of the first questions that I always love to ask. Because we always want to take it all the way back to the originating point. Right. So one of the biggest things that I always wonder. I’m like, so what did you want to be as a kid growing up? Because it’s funny how life comes in full circle.

Jess Soto: It is, it really is. Because what I envisioned as a kid, I always loved animals. I always really connected with animals, and so growing up, I thought I was going to be a vet. A veterinarian. And that was what I felt like was my calling, was to help animals, you know, heal and connect with them. That was my childhood dream. It’s just being a veterinarian, just to be a vet.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my goodness. And what was your favorite animal?

Jess Soto: Cats. Dogs. Any animal. Birds? I love animals in general. Oh, my God.

Pamela Bardhi: Even to this day?

Jess Soto: Oh, yeah, this day I have dogs, I have goldendoodles. I’m not quite a vet, but I have had experience with breeding dogs. So I got to have, you know, my dog gave birth, so I was there for the whole process. And the litter of puppies and then watching them grow, so that was, like, my closest thing to that.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my gosh. Well, it’s, you know, the connection to animals is a really very spiritual thing, really. So to have that connection early on, it makes sense that you know, kind of everything came full circle. You are where you are now, you know, with everything that you’re doing. Which I can’t wait to get into, you know, what you’ve transformed into over the years. And, you know, growing up as a kid, was there, like, anybody or anything? Because it could be multiple things, right? Or it could be multiple people that inspired you alongside your journey.

Jess Soto: Oh, man. Growing up, I didn’t really have a lot of support, I would say. I was raised by my grandmother, she is spiritual in her own way, she’s very, ah, much Catholic. And I think we went to church like three times a week, we always pray the rosary. There was some of that there where it was always, you know, knowing that there’s a God. Knowing that there’s somebody greater that we would go and worship and pray to. So I think that had a lot to do with seeking something greater than myself. Definitely my grandmother, I would say, would be a big support in that.

Pamela Bardhi: That’s amazing.

You grew up in Milwaukee, Wisconsin; now you live in Florida

And where did you grow up?

Jess Soto: So I grew up in a small town called Milwaukee. M in Wisconsin, in the United States. Really cold.

Pamela Bardhi: Is it really cold there all year round? What’s the climate? I’ve never been.

Jess Soto: Wisconsin? It’s cold, I want to say at least nine months out of the year, so it’s cold. Snowing. We have blizzard, snowstorms. I must say that it’s not my favorite. I’m not a huge fan of cold weather. So I migrated when I turned 25 to Florida, which I love, Florida, because it’s warm. Like ten months out of the year.

Pamela Bardhi: Is that where you’re at now, down in Florida?

Jess Soto: I live in Florida. I’m currently in Columbia in marine.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my goodness. It sounds magical. One of my friends that I was with yesterday is from there too, which is amazing. There’s just, like, the artistry there is just so magical and so many beautiful things in Columbia, oh, my goodness.

Jess was raised by her grandmother and aunts in Wisconsin

So growing up in Wisconsin, now, is that where you spent most of, like, your childhood? Like, walk me through that whole kind of the early stages of Jess.

Jess Soto: Yeah, the early stages of Jess. Okay, let’s go back. I grew up, I was raised by my grandmother and my aunts. So I had a lot of females in my life, my cousins, my sisters, both of my parents. They had their own addiction issues, so they weren’t capable of raising me or my sisters. My dad was in and out of prison, and my mom was also, you know, she had her addictions. She wasn’t able to be the mother, so I’m grateful to her now. You know, back then, growing up, I felt abandoned and rejected. Like, I didn’t quite fit in, and I didn’t understand why. Almost like it was a deep feeling of unworthiness that I had growing up. And I didn’t understand it at the time.

But, you know, as I got older. I realized, you know, she did the best that she could with the knowledge that she had. And the best thing that she could have done was give us bms to my grandmother to raise us. Because my grandmother, you know, she did her best as well. She always provided at least food on the table, a roof over our head. You know, maybe we didn’t always have a bed to sleep in, but we always had a roof over our head. So I’m grateful for that. Growing up, I walked to school every day, whether it was a blizzard or so, we walked to school. It was only a couple blocks away, maybe five blocks away from our house.

It wasn’t a safe area, we lived kind of in a poverty area in Wisconsin, so it was very challenging. There was a lot of, I want to say, bullies, gangs, things like that that we grew up around. So being little girls walking to school, we had to deal with a lot of, like, you know. Almost getting kidnapped a couple times, it was very dangerous. But I feel like my grandmother, being the powerful woman that she is. And being so much in prayer that she would pray for us all the time. We were protected in that way.

Pamela Bardhi: Amazing. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, I mean, it was. So when I was growing up, we came to the United States. We moved to Chelsea, which is, like, a little bit north of Boston. It was like, projects, we literally lived in the projects and then, going out in the streets. I couldn’t go to school like my parents. Like, I had to have somebody with me at all times because there was a lot of kidnappings around there. There was also, like, Ms 13, like, a whole bunch of gangs, like, latin gangs everywhere. And, like, it was just a crazy, crazy environment. And as, like, a little girl, I remember I’m, like, you know. It’s almost like you could shift back to that little girl sometimes.

When you’re thinking about certain memories and you’re just like, don’t understand, you know? So it’s magical that your grandmother had so much prayer and protection over you. Because, you know, being in environments like that, it’s really a blessing to be okay at the end of the day. You know, like, it’s just, I remember there were certain times where I. Like, I remember conversations of people trying to get me to get in their car. Yeah, no, I live right there, like, I’m just going to run across the street. They’re like, oh, no, but we can drive you. It’s like, people don’t think this stuff exists. I’m like, guys, there’s, like, unfortunately, so much in the world that we’re not aware, you know? And having that awareness is absolutely key.

And I appreciate you so much sharing that vulnerability with me regarding your parents, you know, growing up. Because that’s not, you know, forgiveness is a really tough thing for a lot of people. Like, they blame. They blame and blame and blame and blame. So that whole process of forgiveness, I want to dive into that a little bit deeper as well. Kind of going into your journey, and then I want to hear about how. How you walked that path of forgiveness, because, like you said, for a long time, it was really a process. You just, you had that. I don’t want to say affliction, but you had that tension with her because you didn’t understand. But then when you had mentioned, like, that, you understood that she did the best she could where she was at.

Jess Soto: Right.

Pamela Bardhi: There’s so much grace behind that. Because there were so many people out there that just blame people and blame people and blame people. And it’s like, well, you could look at it that way. Or you could have grace for them to understand that they did the best they could. At the time with knowledge that they had, because if people knew better, they’d do better. Right. So there’s a lot of grace in that, I appreciate that.

Jess grew up in a predominantly Catholic school. I was considered a minority

So I would love to kind of circle back to how you kind of walked that journey. And for that, I want to hear all about, like, what were the next steps of Jess in your world? Coming out of middle school to high school.

Jess Soto: Yes, so, grade school to middle school, I went to catholic school. All the way, you know, kindergarten to 8th grade, I, was in catholic school. I was considered a minority, even though I’m hispanic. But I grew up in a, primarily, the race was Mexican, and I’m Puerto rican and German. And so I wasn’t really accepted into, you know, the groups or the cliques. I never quite felt like I fit in, I always felt like an outcast, in a way. That just reaffirmed the rejection that I felt and the unworthiness. It reaffirmed all of that, so it was really challenging, and it was like, trying to constantly fit in. So that led me into, as I got older, as a teenager.

I’m in high school noticing boys, right, and falling into these relationships or what so called relationships, you know, whatever. I knew at the time. Cause I didn’t really have an example of what a relationship looked like, what a healthy relationship looked like. Everything I was around was very toxic. And so I, at 15, you know, I found my boyfriend at the time, I ended up getting pregnant. So I was in high school, pregnant and alone, because he wasn’t there at all. As soon as he found out I was pregnant, he’s like, okay, we’ll go get an abortion. You know, what are you gonna do? Even his family was trying to convince me, like, yeah, you’re young, you know. You’re still in high school, you need to go get an abortion.

We’ll pay for that. We won’t support you and the child, but we’ll pay for you to go get an abortion. And at the time, even though I was young, I just knew that this was a decision. Like, okay, I made my bed, now I’m going to lie in it. I’m not going to, you know, the easy way out would have been, okay, let’s just get rid of the problem, right? But to me, it was like, this is something that I need to own, and it was something. A challenge I’ve been given, so I owned it, and I knew I had to have my baby. Even at the time, I was going to another church and they were trying to convince me. While you’re young, give the baby up for adoption.

So I had all this noise outside of me telling me what to do. Telling me what I should do with my child, and that didn’t feel right to me either. Because it was like, okay, I’m going to carry this child around for nine months and then just give him away. That didn’t feel right, so I was like, you know what? I’m just going to do my best. I didn’t really have support like my parents, like I said, they weren’t really around. My dad was in prison at the time. And when I had my son, he got out of prison and was trying to, I wouldn’t say bully me. But he, at the time that I gave birth, was living with a friend from high school.

Somebody I had just met. Like, her family took me in, and I’m living in this house with technically strangers. But they accepted me and they were willing to take care of me. They fed me, they housed me, and I was there with my son. My dad had just got out of prison, and he was like, no, you’re going to come live with me now. He had the police come and get me. And they told me that if I didn’t cooperate, they’re going to take my son away from me. So it was like this constant, you know, this teenage mom, and, like, I had no rights. Just made me feel like they were going to constantly take my son away from me.

That was, like, a huge struggle for me out of some emotional. But, so it’s like I’m constantly, you know, trying to keep my kid and keep him safe and do my best. I ended up going to live with my dad, and me and him didn’t really get along at the time. There was one night where we got into a physical fight, and my dad put his hands on me. My son was in the room sleeping, and I was really scared. And where we lived there, like, gang members across the street. So I, like, jumped out the window, ran across the street to the gang members that I felt like were my friends.

And I was like, I need you guys to come with me to go get my son from my dad. It was just this really chaotic experience. The next day, a social worker came in and took me and my son, and we went to foster care. I was in a foster home with my son, and it was an even worse neighborhood. It was an even worse situation, and it was just like this. You know, there, they didn’t really care about me or my son. They just really wanted the income that came along with, you know, providing for us. So it was a very challenging time of my life. At one point, I almost felt like it might have been better for my son to be raised by someone else.

Because I wasn’t, you know, old enough, I didn’t have the resources that I needed. I didn’t have the support that I needed. And I was just constantly, you know, trying to be a mom and also be in high school. Taking the bus to school, and, like, I took three buses to get to high school at this time. I’m a mom and I have to take my son to daycare. It was like, all this stuff, it was very challenging. But I can say that I got through it and I graduated high school. Even though it felt like it was a process that I wasn’t going to get through, but, I did. So, yeah, there’s a lot there.

Pamela Bardhi: My goodness, Jess, thank you so much for sharing that. That was a lot, I could feel that all in, all in my heart when you were mentioning all of that. I mean, that is a lot to go through, without a doubt. I mean, but there’s so much m so much power in all of that. And I commend you for sharing it because this is your story. You’re owning it to the highest level, and I know it’s not easy to talk about it. Right. Especially when the wounds run deep. It’s not an easy thing to talk about. So I appreciate you so much for sharing that because you never know who’s listening. That may have gone through the same thing or is currently healing through it or knows somebody who is.

Yeah, there’s so much power to the story and to sharing that. So I really appreciate you sharing that through. Because, I mean, I can only imagine what that experience and everything was like. But, like, here you were, you still kept going. You still kept going for your little one, which I think is absolutely amazing. And you never stopped, you know, and still graduated high school. That’s amazing.

Jess Soto: Yeah.

Pamela Bardhi: Through all of that, and still graduate and still do your thing is an absolute gift. So I hope that you’ve given yourself the grace and the forgiveness. Cause you also did the best you could at the time, right?

Jess Soto: Yeah, I did. And even though, like, now, you know, my son, he’s amazing. He’s 22.

I think through that, through me taking the time to process everything

He’s highly intelligent. You know, he has a son of his own. And watching him be the man that he is, and I know that he has some healing to go through. Because of everything he went through with having a mom that was a teenager that had all this adversity. So now it’s like, he might have some things in him that he doesn’t quite understand yet. But I’m on my healing journey, and I think through that. Through me taking the time to go within and process everything. It opens up doors for my kids now to be able to process.

Pamela Bardhi: Their own emotions, which is amazing. And if you really think about it, you broke the cycle.

Jess Soto: Yes.

Pamela Bardhi: Not an easy thing. And there, I’m sure there’s people listening right now that are in that boat. I mean, to be the one to break the cycle is extraordinarily, extraordinarily difficult. You’re done. Take seriously, like, oh, my gosh, like, I can’t even, like, after.

During high school, I was working two jobs and being a mom

So now to kind of fast forward after high school, like, what was the journey after that? And, like, how you. Because I know where you’re at today, and so I’m like, you know, connecting all the dots is so beautiful. And seeing how it’s been throughout that whole process. I would love to hear what it was like post high school.

Jess Soto: During high school, I was working two jobs and going to school and being a mom. It was like I was really constantly just trying to do my best to be a provider because I’m a single mom at that. At some point when I was 17, 1617, my mom got custody back. And I was able to live with my mom for a couple of years. But I moved out when I was 18 and I met my daughter’s father. And I felt like the whole time as a woman, I was looking for protection, right? I was looking for somebody who can not just protect but also provide a, you know. A safe space for me because I didn’t have that and never had like, this safe environment to just be. So he gave this, you know, facade of this safe space.

I went to live with him and his mom. During that time I got my first apartment, I bought my first house when I was 21. I went into finance, I became a banker or a teller at the time. Even though I went through so much in my life, you can never tell by talking to me. Or by looking at me because I think I held it, pain in very well. And I would constantly, like, smile through it, hold on to the spark of hope that I always had within me. That there was being optimistic, knowing that there’s something more, there’s something better. And I think that’s what got me through the really hard times because I, being with my daughter’s dad. When I got pregnant with my daughter, I was 22 and he had a mental disorder called schizophrenia.

He was a paranoid schizo and I had no idea what that was or the extreme of it. You know, I was young myself and thought  I was in love with this person. I was with him and he actually, my dad was in prison. Well, he was also in prison for a year out of the relationship. So I would go visit him, I would write him letters. It was just like, okay, so now this guy that I’m in a relationship with is also in prison. And it was just like a repetitive cycle is what I found myself in. When I got pregnant, something flipped inside of his mind and he became abusive. And so I was four months pregnant.

I remember I was sleeping, actually, it was Easter Sunday and he came home in the middle of the night. Or whenever it was, and just started punching me in the head, in the face. And I woke up to blows to the head, and I. That night was a very pivotal moment in my life because it was like, okay, I thought I was going to die. My son is downstairs, he can hear everything, and this man was threatening my life. He told me he was going to kill me and the baby. Bury us in the backyard, and nobody was going to find us. And I believed him, and I was scared, but I didn’t let him see my fear. I just cooperated with whatever it was. You know, I tried to calm him down to survive, at least, to the next day.

Then the next day, I went to work and I told my manager what happened. And it was in that moment where it was like I had a choice to make. Do I stay in this relationship with this man who has the ability to take my life? Then, is this the man that I want to raise my child, you know, who is already threatening her? So, in that moment, I said, you know what? This is not what I want, I don’t feel safe, I don’t feel secure. I made the decision to go to the police, file a report. Went to the hospital to make sure the baby was okay. And I, in that moment, decided I was never going to go back to that relationship. So it was like this strength that I had to muster up inside of me.

And it was hard, you know, it was really hard. It took me a long time to be okay with the decision that I made of walking away from somebody. That I felt that I loved and was carrying his child, to say, this isn’t safe for me or the baby. So I need to get out of this relationship. And I did. Thankfully, a few months later, I met my first husband, who. He came into my office, he was a client of the bank, and he just asked me out on a date. I’m like, okay, well, I’m pregnant. Because at the time, I wasn’t even showing. I was four months pregnant. You couldn’t even tell because I don’t know if I just wasn’t eating or what. But I just let him know, like, I’m pregnant.

Then I kind of stood him up on the first date because I just wasn’t ready for that. But I think I was still looking for that security and for safety, and he provided that. Crazy things happen. I don’t even want to tell you, like, the crazy things that happened after all of that. Like, this person, you know, they try to blow up my house, like, so many, crazy. They robbed my house. I’m 22, young, and have a son already, who’s six. And then I’m pregnant, baby on the way, I have all this chaos and drama happening in my life. It was just like, I just, this person, I felt like he came into my life at the perfect time.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my goodness, and it’s so crazy how for every area of your life, like, there comes a different level. And, like, God just sends in the right ones for you. Like, gave you that faith and that strength throughout the whole thing. No matter how dark it got, like, you still had that faith somehow. And that’s, I mean, that’s God working for that. I’m so thankful that you were able to pull through and, like, you know, because these are tough situations. I mean, domestic violence, absolutely no joke, and especially while pregnant.

I honor you for making that decision for you and your daughter. And, you know, it obviously turned out for the best, but, man, I can’t imagine what that decision was like. You know, it’s almost like you have to let go of everything that you’ve ever known and start over again. I absolutely honor you in that process. Like, my goodness. Wow, jaz.

Your grandmother’s prayers gave you strength to get through difficult times

I’m like, here listening, just like, listening to the story, I’m like, tell me more. I’m like, this is so, this is so amazing because it’s like, you know, where it led you is really magical. So I’m like, hearing backstory is really, it’s just powerful. It really is a lot of power in your words. I appreciate that, so I’m just going to let you keep doing your thing and just walk me through the whole thing.

Jess Soto: So, and, I believe, honestly, it goes back to my grandmother’s prayers. Right. How powerful? You know, prayer and giving that protection to your loved ones, I think, is extremely powerful. Constantly just praying over them. I think that really led me and gave me strength to get through those hard moments. And kept that spark alive because I always seen, it growing up with my grandma. She was so consistent with her prayers and that resonated in me because she was. I was a chosen one for my grandma to always take with her to these prayer groups and these rosaries. Things like that, so always was there, even in the dark moments.

And just knowing that God is always with me and it will get better so fast forward. I married this man who came into my life at the perfect time. M kind of like a knight in shining armor, right? He just came in, like, rescued me from the situation and took care of my daughter. Was like, you know what, I accept you. Your son put my kids in private school took my daughter on, and his family loved her like she was theirs, like she was their family. The issue was, I didn’t love him the same way that he loved m me. It was a relationship that was perfect in the moment that I needed it, but I couldn’t stay in it.

Like, I couldn’t reciprocate, because I don’t want to be in a loveless marriage, you know? That was a hard decision, but I was 25, and that’s when I made the decision to move to Florida. And, he was a great man, but he had some, you know, some things that he was doing that were. He was selling drugs, and he was. I didn’t realize the extent of it, I knew he was selling drugs to get by. Right. It’s like the scarcity mindset, I think, set in. He was doing what he felt he needed to do to make extra income for us, for the family to provide. Maybe there’s a lot of pressure on him, but I didn’t realize the depths of how deep he was into it.

Like, he was working with a cartel. I didn’t know, and I just trusted my instinct and my intuition to move to Florida. And it happened in such a perfect time. This is how I just know I’ve always been protected. Because shortly after I moved is when I don’t know if there was an FBI raid or what exactly happened. He ended up going to prison, it was right after the divorce, like, we got divorced. I knew I didn’t want to be in a relationship. It was like something calling me, like, you gotta go to Florida, and I just trusted that. And I went and I took, it was like, one of the biggest u hauls.

I packed it up. Maybe it was a week or two weeks that I packed up the u Haul. And I drove me and my kids down to Florida. It was like two days, and I just said, because I went there, to visit my sister. She moves to Florida first, and I went to visit her. And I said, okay, if I can get a job and an apartment in seven days. That is my sign that I need to move to Florida. Sure enough, I got a job at a bank, and I had an apartment, and I just took my kids and left. I feel like it was the best decision I ever made.

Pamela Bardhi: Wow. This is like, the strength, I mean, and the whole way through, your grandmother’s love carries through, because, like, this is all. There’s certain things you just can’t explain, there’s no other way to explain it, except for that was God. Okay. That was a God tap, you know, and like, that intuition that’s led you throughout this entire journey. Which is absolutely amazing. And then I think at this point, it was when you arrived, to Florida, that your healing journey began. If I’m not mistaken, or was it a little bit kind of after that?

Jess Soto: So it started a little bit, but I started. I’ve always been seeking. Seeking something, right, seeking a greater meaning, what is my purpose? What is this greater meaning, you know, with my life? What should I be doing? It was kind of, I was always a seeker of that. And I started going to church. I was going to church, like, three times a week and just doing praise and worship. Trying to get connected and have my kids connected in the church and find a community. Then I met my second husband, so I’ve been married and divorced twice. A little bit of backstory about me.

Met my second husband in church, and we met there, and he was honestly there for. He wasn’t there for all the right reasons, he was in church for all the wrong reasons. Little by little, you know, we started dating, and then I kind of stopped. He wasn’t really a church goer, and so I stopped going to church at the time. And just fell into this lifestyle of, you know, we were constantly going out and drinking. So I fell into drinking a lot. Like, I find myself drinking to the point of blacking out, and it was very toxic. My kids saw that version of me as well.

Then the relationship with him, we had our very toxic moments where, you know, he put his hands on me. I want to say two or three times. And so that relationship was very rocky, it was. We would break up and then get back together. There was a moment in that relationship where I actually went to jail. I got arrested for the first time for domestic violence. It was right after a mission trip. Got back from a mission trip in New York where we were feeding the homeless. This was with the church, and we were at the mall, and I wasn’t. Me and him were not even together.

Jess had been in a toxic relationship for nine years before this incident

We were not living together at the time. And for whatever reason, we’re at the mall, so we’re in a public parking lot. We got into an argument, he called me out of my name, and my daughter’s in the backseat. So I, like, slapped his mouth for calling me out of my name. You know, I was completely sober that somebody saw what was going on and called the police. He took the keys to my car, so I’m parked in front of the mall, and, like, no parking zone. And so the police come, and then all of a sudden, he comes out of nowhere. He’s like, yeah, she hit me. She hit me. As soon as you say that, like, that’s automatically domestic violence, and I got arrested. I spent the night in jail, and it was.

That was another awakening moment, like, I had to go through so much. It was just like, okay, what am I doing in this relationship? Like, and I didn’t really want to be with him. So that relationship, we’re on and off for nine years. That was nine years in my life of that kind of toxic relationship. Now, him and I, that’s where we’re friends, I feel like we’re family. I accept him for who he is and his journey, and, you know, he’s, like a friend. And I just see him for who he is, so I don’t hold anything against him. I think forgiveness was huge in that scenario because there was a lot of infidelity. There was a lot going on in that marriage and in that relationship that I had to heal from and grow from.

Pamela Bardhi: After that, it’s so crazy that then this is the truest statement that I’ve ever heard. What you don’t heal, you repeat, right? So once we start seeing patterns in our lives comes from something that we haven’t healed yet. Or the lesson wasn’t learned yet. Right, so after this experience, because I know you certainly broke the cycle after this. You know, I want to hear about the healing process and how you really worked through all of this. And finally broke free and became the just that I have the pleasure of knowing now.

Jess Soto: Yeah, so. Absolutely. So with him in 2017, we bought our house. From the outside looking in, it looked like we had it all, like we had a big house. It was like, we had our careers going, we had our jobs and all this stuff, and it was very subtle. I remember I was in the kitchen, and at this time in our relationship, everything was, like, calm. I wouldn’t even, I think I was so disassociated from the relationship, it was like we were roommates at the time. Like, there was no love, there was no passion, there was no connection. We were literally just roommates. And I was always in this survival mode of having to hustle and do more. Because he just wasn’t a great provider.

And, I was in the kitchen one day, and I heard this subtle. I don’t know if it was my spirit, or my soul is very subtle, and it just said, who are you? So I started asking the question, like, who am I? And I had no idea who I was. Like, okay, I’m a mom, I work at this job, I have this and that, but who am I? Those are all just, you know, part of the ego. Who am I underneath all of that, and what do I enjoy? What do I love? What brings me happiness? Am I happy now? It was in those moments that I was just, I really had a moment. 

And I remember my ex husband walked in the door, or he was my husband at the time, walks in the door. I felt, you know, your body will speak to you. I just felt, like, this suffocation, like, I couldn’t breathe, and I was like, okay. That was my cue of, like, I need to change everything in my life. And that was the very beginning of my spiritual awakening. This was in 2020, you know, working from home, and so I started digging deep into what brings me joy. What do I like, and getting to know who I was outside of all the titles, outside of the labels. Outside of even Jess, like, who is that spirit at my core? Who am I, really?

And discovering myself, who I am, has been the greatest gift and has brought me so much joy. So I started finding hobbies, I started dancing as I found bachata dancing, and I just fell in love with it. It made me feel the connection, it taught me so much about myself, it taught me patience. You know, learning a new skill takes a lot of patience, it taught me what I’m capable of. Like, okay, I can actually do this because so much of the programming. From growing up with so much feeling of unworthiness and rejection, you feel like you can’t do new things. Like growing up in a house where you’re called stupid or you’re dumb or given all these labels.

Titles that are not yours and you’re giving all these fears. It was like, okay, now I have to peel back the layers and take all of that off. Because it only brought me emotions of a lot of shame and guilt. I wore it around, like, this really heavy, dark, wet blanket. And taking that off really allowed me to be free and light, and allow my light to shine. Because during that time, you know, when you’re not living an authentic life, your light is so dim. So that’s what started my journey, was just that very subtle question, and that’s what led me on my spiritual path.

Jess says if you ask for alignment, things start to go sideways

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my goodness. It’s wild that you can ask certain questions, and your body already knows. A lot of people are not aware how powerful they truly are. Like you, the mind is incredibly powerful, and the body is incredibly intelligent. If there’s an environment that you feel, like, suffocated in, that’s generally a sign that you’re not in the right space or place. Right. Energy never lies, that’s science. And your body knows it, your subconscious mind knows it, like, all of you knows it. That’s why they say, like, muscle testing and all these things, like, your body already knows. Felt that. You know, you’re like, oh, no, it’s time to switch everything.

Jess Soto: Yeah, and that was a challenge because at the time, my kids were comfortable. Everyone was comfortable. It’s like I had to stir things up and force everyone to get uncomfortable. Honestly, yes, going through all of that was a challenge at the time. But I can look back now and say, it was so worth it. It was worth it for me to be who I am. Now it was worth me changing everything. And getting outside of my comfort zone in order to really, truly find myself 100,000%.

Pamela Bardhi: That’s the thing about alignment. You know, a lot of people pray for alignment. They show me the signs, show me the way, show me all these things. And then, unfortunately, what happens is you start to see the signs, and then alignment is scary. Because what’s going to show up, like, if you ask for alignment and things start to go sideways. Which I know a lot of people who are on this boat right now, by the way. Or who are probably listening, that are like, oh, my God, things starts to go sideways. That means whatever’s going sideways is not in alignment with you. Whether it’s a job. Like, I’ll hear people say, oh, my God, my job started getting, like, all this stuff started happening.

I’m like, did you not ask last week and say that you are not happy where you’re at with that? Now you ask for alignment, all of a sudden things are falling apart. What is that a sign of? You know what I mean? Then, like, same thing with, like, relationships, right? I, and everyone’s like, oh, my God, it’s been horrible, I asked for that. And I’m like, clear sign that it’s meant to be released from you, and so careful what you wish for. You know when they say that guys, like, it’s such a real statement. Like, alignment is not for the week, healing is not for the week. Recognizing where you’ve been and then processing all of that, like, Jess, I’m sure that took a lot of time. Not even 20% of what you’ve been through.

But, I remember when, like, because I was always, like, in such, hustle mode and avoidance pattern. That I just, keep going, keep going, keep going, and then it was survival for a while and then elevated. Then I’m like, when you actually, when it actually hits you, when you actually process things. When you actually talk to your inner child and say everything is okay and it is an emotional experience. Everyone thinks healing is like sitting there in yoga with your hands up and meditation and rah, rah, rah. And I’m like, guys, this is an ugly. Especially when you talk about shadow work and you talk about all these things. However, what comes at the end is where the magic really happens. Higher version of you that comes in after you release all of that is where the power lies.

Jess Soto: Absolutely. Yeah.

Pamela Bardhi: Right.

What would your older self tell your younger self based on what you know now

And so, in your journey, and this is one of my favorite questions, I always save the best for last. Jess is my absolute favorite, and this coincides with kind of like, tying your whole story in. But what would your older self tell your younger self based on what you know now?

Jess Soto: Yeah, so I would go back and tell my younger self, like, you are strong, you are beautiful, you are worthy. And you are perfect, and you are deeply, deeply loved, just as you are. Doesn’t matter what you go through, it doesn’t define you, it only builds you. It builds character, builds, strengthens, it builds wisdom and everything. What I realize now is, like, everything I’ve ever gone through has been for my growth, for the expansion of my soul. So that I can help others step into their authentic person, you know, discover who that person is. Discover who is that that wants to come out and shine bright in the world. Because that person deserves you to step aside. You know, that you think you are to step aside and allow greatness to come in. Allow the universe to do what it does.

The magic to really come in and transform you and really transform you, transform your heart. That’s where everything begins because your heart has so much wisdom, and what I’ve learned, your mind is powerful. Yes, but a lot of times we allow our minds to take over, right? We forget how powerful we are as human beings. And we forget that we get so distracted by either what happened in the past. Which creates suffering, or maybe what we haven’t done yet. What’s going to happen in the future, which creates anxiety and more suffering. So it’s like depression, anxiety, suffering, right? And we always have the power to control that, to reprogram the mind, reprogramming the subconscious is software.

And it took me, that’s what I had to do. When a belief would come up, if I’m saying, oh, I can’t do that, watch what you say. Because your words are so powerful that you speak that into your reality. It’s like, okay, wait, instead, have grace with yourself. I’m learning this is a process, and it takes patience, it takes grace, it takes compassion. And learning to love yourself through the process. Because I’m the same way where I just want to be at a destination. But then, you can’t just go from point a to point z without going through the process. So it’s understanding that everything takes time and it takes work.

Because it took time for all of that limiting belief and fears of others to be ingrained in me. Where I held myself back, out of fear. Fear is the biggest obstacle, and we create it in our own minds. So it’s like, okay, how can I reprogram with fear? How can I tell myself how great I am, how powerful I am? It took me standing in front of that mirror and doing incantations and doing affirmations. And really not just saying it, but believing it in your heart, that’s where the magic happens. That’s where transformation happens, is feeling into that and then envisioning, having the imagination of what’s possible. All things are possible, right? Anything is possible.

Pamela Bardhi: I love that, Jess. There’s so much magic to that, and, I mean, the work that you’ve put in with all of this. And I love that you’re helping other people get there, too, and, be the highest versions of themselves that, you know.

Jess says the first key to being authentic is getting to know yourself

You mentioned some really awesome kinds of tips there as you were dropping some nuggets now for anybody who’s listening. Like, what’s your biggest piece of advice for anyone who’s looking to live their most authentic life? Some tips, some advice, some. Something, you know, of course we’re going to drop your links and all your socials. All that in a minute so everyone can connect with you. But, like, just some things that if anyone who’s listening right now, maybe it’s an exercise. Maybe it’s an activity, some questions to ask yourself. Just some things so that people can really start to kind of almost check in with themselves. And bring that awareness and to start to make that shift.

Jess Soto: Yeah. I believe the first key to being authentic is getting to know yourself. So it’s taking time not only to look at yourself, in the mirror and really look at yourself. Look at that reflection looking back at you and have, ah, gratitude towards that person. Being grateful because you’re in a human body, but you’re not in the human body, you’re so much greater than that. It’s like being grateful that you get to have this human experience. You get to have this body to, you know, have the senses to experience life in. So it’s like starting with gratitude, deep gratitude for yourself, for your experience. For everything that ever happened to you in your life. And just being grateful for it, because it’s all of that that makes you the unique person that you are.

Gives you a unique perspective on life that you get to share with the world. That you get to show up every day, and so it’s making a conscious decision to have gratitude. And then maybe journaling, I start my day and I’ll write ten things that I’m grateful for every day. And that has really helped shift me, into an energy. Because when you’re in an attitude of gratitude or you’re in that energy of gratitude. Then you understand that it doesn’t matter what happens in your day. You’re in a higher frequency, to be able to handle the chaos or whatever it is, and then also, understanding. Being mindful, right? So maybe doing some meditation, maybe you’re not a person that meditates.

So then take a couple of deep breaths as you catch old patterns coming up. As you catch yourself in a reactive mode, stopping before responding to a text or an email. Or whatever it is that’s stirring you up at the moment. Stopping and taking some deep breaths to be present in this moment and being conscious of. What is it that you’re speaking out? Because what I realized through my own healing journey. Is that everything that happens in your physical reality is a reflection of what’s going on inside of you. Maybe getting to know, what is this that I’m feeling sitting with that emotion, what is it that I’m feeling? Where is this coming from, is this mine? You know, maybe those are some journaling prompts that you can use, is this mine?

If it isn’t, send it back to the point of creation. Because we are great creators and we are also great sources of destruction. We can destroy and create, we’re so powerful, and so it’s like, okay, where’s this energy coming from? And realizing that everything, everything is energy and everything is information. So what do I do with this information? What is it trying to teach me was, what does it want to show me? What can I learn from this, what is the lesson? Because when you can learn the lesson, you can free up the energy. Maybe it’s stuck in your body, maybe it’s stuck in your mind, but you can begin to free that up and process it.

Pamela Bardhi: I love that. Jess, you are in such a, well, it’s such great advice that you can take so practically. You know, and really just like, you know, just some exercises. But they make such a big difference, you know, in your world. Oh, my gosh, and I want to hear all this. What have you got going on, like, in the next, like, month or so. And then, like, where can everybody connect with you and your magic and all of the things?

Jess Soto: Absolutely, so I’m working now on, starting some healing retreats. I’ve done a lot of work on myself. Like you said, it takes a true warrior to stand up and say, this is where the cycle ends. I am going to pave a new path for my generations that are to come. So I am in that warrior stage of doing the hard work. My vision and goal is to start doing healing retreats for women who forgot their worth, who forgot their power. And so my goal is to do, like, a mind body, spirit type of retreat.

I’m working on all the details now on how I can, you know, make, build that vision into a reality. So, I don’t have any dates yet, but you can definitely follow me on my instagram. I have my link tree there and links to my website, so it’s Jess flow 444. And so that’s where you can find me on Instagram, Facebook, it’s under Jess Soto. My business is Beacon of hope, so my website is Beacon of hope, that world.

Pamela Bardhi: You are so magical, Jess. Oh, my gosh, I am so grateful for you. I’m so grateful for your journey, I’m so grateful for all the things. I just, I so appreciate you. And thank you so much for sharing and being vulnerable and sharing all of these lessons. It was so incredibly powerful, and I’m just so honored to have you. Thank you so, so much, Jess.

Jess Soto: Thank you for allowing me the space to share my story. And to provide some wisdom that I’ve learned along the way.

Pamela Bardhi: You are magical, my friend. Thank you.

Jess Soto: Thank you so much.

Underdog is always dropping on Thursdays. Catch, uh, us next week

Pamela Bardhi: So that’s it for today’s episode of Underdog. Catch, us next week. Always dropping on Thursdays. And remember, if you’re interested in real estate or want to learn how to create more money and magic in your life. Check out meetwithpamela.com. and let’s chat. Sending you so, so much love.