Jillian Acosta and The Root Cause Method Guide to Heal from Within

Pamela Bardhi: Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Underdog podcast. Today I have an incredible guest here with me, Jillian. How are you?

Jillian Acosta: So well. Thank you for having me.

Pamela Bardhi: Thank you so much for being here. Oh, my goodness. Right before we got on, I was like, I can tell she’s a soul sister of mine, on some. Because we were just talking about energy and all the things affecting us. I’m like, man, like, this past weekend, Washington. But here we are, you know, here we are. So I’m so excited, in like, reading your background and everything that you’ve done. And just the magic that you’re working in your world, I’m like, I can’t wait to hear how it all. Like, originated, where it started, I mean, all of the things, I’m super excited to have you here today, Jillian.

Jillian Acosta: Thank you so much.

Pamela Bardhi: Thank you, and I always love to reel it all the way back. Honestly, it’s my favorite thing to do because, again, there’s always an origination point. And weirdly enough, like, our youth tells us a lot about what’s happening in the future. It’s quite big mirrors there. We don’t tend to look back there for a while.

As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up

So I would love to ask you this question, which is my favorite. One of my favorites. And that’s why I always love starting with it. As a kid growing up, like, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Jillian Acosta: Oh, my goodness. Wow. This is hilarious and shadowy and also makes a lot of sense. But I wanted to be an actress and a model, and I now understand more inner child work. I can understand what I was really yearning for was to be seen and to be noticed and to be loved. Right, and I thought that was how to get it in my little girl mind, yeah, oh, my little girl. Yeah, I just wanted to be seen, I wanted to be an actress, a model. Somebody that people noticed and looked up to and loved and adored and admired and all the things. And I thought that’s how to get it.

Pamela Bardhi: It is a very shadowy thing, actually, now that you’re like, wait a minute, I’m like, that is actually pretty reflective of a lot of things at the time. You know, I always love hearing the answer to that question, you know? Wow. And growing up, where did you grow up?

Jillian Acosta: Yeah, in my earlier years, it was Michigan and then Minnesota, so the Midwest. Then when I was like, right before high school started, I went to South Florida. And I spent 20 years in south Florida, and I just escaped last year. I just finally left. I’m in Austin, Texas now. But it was. It was good, ole Midwest. There’s some good formative roots up there.

Pamela Bardhi: That’s amazing. And, like, growing up, who or what had influenced you the most?

Jillian Acosta: Oh, goodness, trauma. Honestly, trauma, I had some really pretty intense trauma. Sexual abuse when I was three, between three and five years old. I honestly had no idea for 30 years. It was fully repressed from my memory. So, like, wanting to be an actress or a model was like, you know, pedestalizing, idolizing the physical form. Thinking that the physical form is the way that I would get love, because that’s kind of what I experienced. And so it makes a lot of sense as to why that thing was there for me. But that was deeply influential, and it influenced me in, of course, like, all the ways, but really taught me.

Like, who I was supposed to be to get love and who I wasn’t allowed to be, right? Who I wasn’t supposed to be in order to avoid pain, I wasn’t allowed to be angry. I wasn’t allowed to use my voice. I needed to be accommodating and cute and delightful and all the things and that that really created this Persona. This mask that I wore, that which just was so heavy until I discovered I was wearing a mask. Now I’m, you know, very much in the process of continuing to peel back the layers. And freeing myself from all that density, but that’s what I was moving through as a little one. Wow.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my goodness. Thank you so much for sharing that. First and foremost, you know, I honor you for sharing your story tremendously. I mean, you know, these types of things are not easy to talk about. But truly, if you feel called in your heart to say it, I mean, you just never know who’s listening right now. Right? Any of over 90 countries that we’re in, you know, who knows who’s experiencing what or has a loved one that’s experiencing that. Absolutely. So very much appreciate you sharing that, thank you for that. And, I mean, it’s just, it’s fascinating when we look back and start to put together the pieces. Then, like, also remember where we were at at the time, it’s like you opt into different timelines. It’s so weird as an adulthood, but.

Jillian Acosta: It makes complete sense, right?

Pamela Bardhi: Like, at the time, you only knew what you knew, and now you can go back into your mind. At that, state in time and understand where you were at that time, which is the craziest experience of all time. Oh, my goodness. Wow. And in that journey now, was that something that you had realized. Like, early on, or did it come a little bit later in life? How did it all kind of shift? Walk me through kind of the early years into high school, and then kind of. I would love to hear the deep journey of really how you got to where you got to, you know, at, ah, this stage.

Jillian Acosta: Yeah. Amazing. As I mentioned, like, it was fully repressed from my memory, honestly. Until 2020, where I sat in a psychedelic experience ceremony, and these repressed memories came into my awareness. And it was quite challenging and destabilizing to my self construct. Not my life, not my psyche, but my understanding of self, and as I knew it so far. But it was ultimately the absolute greatest thing that ever happened to me. It absolutely opened me up for freedom and liberation from all of this suffering, but before that, I was suffering intensely.

I was suffering deeply, and I didn’t feel like I knew how to connect with other people from a very young age. So I was spending a lot of time alone and longing to have connection and intimacy and good friends and closeness. But, like, not feeling like I knew how and feeling kind of like an outsider and ostracized and all of that. That developed into just this way of being and also not knowing how to process emotion in a healthy way. And so learning that I had to kind of repress. Keep things tucked away to, like, appear kind of normally in a very abnormal situation.

Food was the thing I used to numb and dissociate from childhood

So I learned, like, self invalidation, and I learned to push down my feelings. I learned how to do that with food, food was my go to. Food was the thing I used to just numb and dissociate and distract myself from three years old. Of course, that pattern developed into an eating disorder in high school and my early twenties. And I checked myself into recovery for binge eating disorder and bulimia when I was 22 years old. It opened the, you know, I was seeking freedom, I was seeking relief. I was so unhappy that I knew that there were other people that were living their lives happily. And I didn’t know why I wasn’t, I did not know why I couldn’t.

So I was looking, and I learned about the use of psychedelics in a very therapeutic healing capacity. It felt like everything in my body was like, this is your way out. And so at the time, I didn’t have friends who were doing mushrooms, I wasn’t a cool kid. You know, I didn’t, I didn’t know anybody in that space. And so I just became, like, obsessively ravenous about consuming information, literature, interviews, books. Like anything I could get my hands on around, like the topic of psychedelics and healing, I was consuming. Finally I found my way into space and went to a woman’s circle, and everything started changing in my life.

I went to heal my relationship with food. The medicine brought me right into my fractal, fragmented relationship with my mother, with the feminine. And I started to deeply heal my relationship with the feminine, which of course, involves feeling. As I began to create safety in myself to feel what was underneath there. Everything in my life began to change, including my relationship, relationship with food, but also my body and myself. And everything started changing, and so this is very much the work I do in the world now. This is exactly what I do.

Pamela Bardhi: That was a lot to unpack there. Oh my goodness, that was, oh my gosh. Thank you so much for sharing that. Yeah, I mean, a lot to unpack there because again, like, you know, reflecting back and looking at all of this. And seeing how it all pieced together, at the time, you didn’t know that the food had any connection to the repressed emotions. Which is so fascinating. Fascinating to me because it’s like you go through life feeling disconnected and not understanding why you’re not really necessarily there.

Jillian Acosta: Right.

Pamela Bardhi: And there could be someone listening right now that may be going through this. Not realizing that there’s repressed emotions that are really the foundation and the root of it. Right? Like, I find that a lot of people these days are just like, out of alignment.

Pamela Bardhi: And the reason, and this is just like, through my personal journey and just different individuals that I’ve met. Just the stories and it ties in with yours is like, these repressed emotions are a really big thing. People don’t think they’re a big deal, but, bro, yeah, they are, like, they’re everything, right? It blocks your relationships, it blocks your career, it blocks your ability to receive. It blocks, like, what the hell does it not block, like, everything.

Jillian Acosta: And to go even deeper than that, it’s like our greatest superpower, especially as women, is our intuition. But intuition is, it lives in the body. It’s a felt sense, it’s a felt experience. If we are disconnected because we are numbing ourselves with food or other substances, we don’t have access to that power. We don’t have access. So we are living in the mind and the mind is, like, survival based, and, like, we’re severed. And that’s a tragedy.

One side of your body’s masculine and feminine energetically

Pamela Bardhi: You just said something so important about the feminine. It’s really interesting because I do reflexology, and so I’m always learning about, like, the different charts of it. Like, one side of your body’s masculine and feminine energetically. And it’s really, like, because I’ve done a lot of work in that realm. Because being in business and being in real estate and development and construction, like, it’s like, masculine. Very heavy into the masculine, right? Then, like, not leaning into the feminine enough, because I’m like, and the reason why is because of repressed emotions. So it’s so fun, you’re, like, tying all this stuff together because it’s like, especially for women. You know, like, especially the ladies out there, those entrepreneurs and the ones that are in their masculine. A lot, reason why you’re in them, you know? Are you safe to be in your feminine?

Jillian Acosta: Right, exactly. So my work is really the combination of the two, it’s internal, like divine union. My focus is helping people to create safety within themselves, which is the masculine to feel, which is a feminine. Because when you’re safe enough to feel an emotion. You no longer have to use food or any other substance to push it down. That’s when nervous system regulation comes online, that’s when the physiological, like, decreased inflammatory status, weight loss happens so easily. Our relationship with our self has improved. We’re reconnected to our body. Like, that’s, this is the goodness that changes lives. It’s this.

Pamela Bardhi: Amen. no, absolutely.

What would be the first step in recognizing repressed emotions

For anyone who’s listening right now, Julie, because I’m like. I feel like there’s just going to be so many of my peeps that are listening to this one. They’re like, So what in your experience, right? Like, what would be the first step in recognizing, oh, crap, maybe I have repressed emotions. You know, like, I’m assuming the first step is awareness, but how do you even become aware?

Jillian Acosta: Look at your patterns, are you eating when you’re not hungry, are you eating past the point of fullness? Are you not even tasting the food because you’re eating so fast, are you, like, endlessly, mindlessly scrolling on social media? Are you, like, uncomfortable being in your own thoughts. Being with yourself alone, quiet, are you, like, constantly reaching outside of yourself for validation or whatever? all of these reach for the bottle, reaching for the other kind of bottle, pill bottle, alcohol bottle. Like, are you reaching outside of yourself to try to manipulate your internal experience, are you trying to, like, repress whatever sensation. Or emotion or feeling or truth is alive? Because if the answer is yes, like the vast majority of all human beings at some capacity or another.

Then there’s something that you’re unwilling to feel, there’s something that’s wanting your attention. That’s why those triggers are there, that’s why that impulse to reach for the food is there. There’s, like, something coming up for your oper, like, as an opportunity for you to be with. But we just keep pushing it down and pushing it down. Because we don’t know how to be with it in a safe, supportive way. We haven’t learned that yet. We’re still operating, you know, from the kind of conditioning that we learned in childhood, that it wasn’t okay. That it wasn’t safe to be angry, it wasn’t safe to cry because you’re alone and you get punished or whatever, right?

Pamela Bardhi: And, like, so, how do you, this gets into a whole lot of process and a whole lot of things but, like. How do you, like, challenge yourself, then in that respect? Right. So, this is me coming in as elementary because me coming in as Pam is a lot more high level. But, like, breaking it down for the listeners, you know? Like, how do you allow yourself to feel and reprogram the mind to say, like, it is okay to feel?

Jillian Acosta: It’s really honestly, like, incrementally, it’s baby steps of, like, so, my work is very, very much experiential. We’re talking some concepts, but I’m in real time, like, guiding people to experience safety within themselves while there’s an emotion. Let’s say I’m on a call with a client, and something comes through, and I can feel it. There’s, like, maybe a shaky voice or there’s, like, a tear or something. So I’ll invite them in that moment to, like, close their eyes and come into their body. And what I’m doing is, like, giving them the opportunity to be with what’s there and feel safe doing it. It’s like, that we nurture the hell out of that, and my practice, I’m using psychedelics. I’m using ketamine that, everything, is above ground.

They get a prescription from a physician, that everything is legal, and I am holding space. And in that process, they don’t work with the medicine until we’ve been working together for over a month. But in that process, when something comes into their awareness, in a psychedelic experience, in an altered state of consciousness. That may be challenging or fear, like, inducing or whatever. They are experiencing their own capacity of being with something challenging to expand in real time. Because all of a sudden, something scary is there, something sad is there, and they’re not leaving to go find the cookies. They’re there, they’re breathing with it, they’re feeling it. The beautiful thing about ketamine is that it allows you to feel, for example, fear.

The experience is like, oh, wow, there’s fear in my body, like, this is what fear feels like, okay? Like, this is new. Instead of, like, oh, my God, I’m taken by fear, and I can’t deal with this. And, like, where’s the outlandish? It gives you the opportunity of being with an emotion in real time. While you get to witness yourself as capable of being with that emotion. So we nurture that, and there’s, like, practices and support and rituals, it’s a very intimate working container that I provide. It’s a one on one program for three months, it’s called the Garden, and so we’re like. We’re really cultivating that sense of safety within themselves to feel anything, because when that’s there, they can. They’re unstoppable. Right.

Pamela Bardhi: And that’s so.

Jillian went through an ayahuasca experience in 2020

That’s so fascinating with the psychedelics because I’m hearing so many people, experiencing release with that. Which is what you just explained. So I would love to hear your experience and how you came to your awareness, because you said 2020. I was like, whoa, that’s. Even though that’s almost five years ago. Yes, I know, I feel like it’s like a year ago. Love to hear, like, how your experience kind of was and how you felt kind of to it. As you know, for the very first time. Because this is. I’ve heard really amazing experiences from people, and I’m like, listen, if this stuff helps and it’s natural. It comes from earth, like, why would we not do it?

Jillian Acosta: Utilizing it has fundamentally changed my life. You and I would not be speaking, I had no friends, I lived in isolation. I was consumed with the disordered, eating of, like, thinking about food endlessly, planning, you know, what I was going to eat. And then feeling shame about my body. So not going out, not accepting invitations to do things I wanted to do. Like, just living in a lot of shame and suffering. I sat in an ayahuasca experience in 2020, and I was shown my story. What happened to me when I was a little child. Everything in my life made sense to me, I understood why I had suffered.

I understood why I couldn’t stand feeling anything, why I hated myself. Why I punished myself and my body and the role of food and all. Everything made sense. But not only was it a cognitive or an intellectual understanding. It was like, ah, holy shit, I have more compassion for myself than I’ve ever been able to feel or access. And I was flooded with that, and it was just like, wow. Like, that little girl, like, that’s me. That little girl who went through that, like, how awful. How hard, and I just started to, like, I went into solitude after that for two years, honestly. And I was, I had my practice. So I was, like, working with clients virtually, but I was devoted to my own liberation intensely.

That’s not everybody’s journey, but it was mine. And I just really met myself in space and learned how to feel again. I taught myself how to feel. In the process of that and really meeting myself in the pain and the grief and the rage. All the things and holding myself through that, I learned how to do that. Then it became very clear to me that this is what I’m here to teach other people. This is exactly why I’m here, that’s why I went through. That is, I needed to learn that to be able to relate to people. Who are suffering and then teach them how to find their own way out of that is absolutely magical.

Pamela Bardhi: Thank you so much, Jillian. My gosh, that is so powerful. And, I mean, I could feel, you know, the authenticity in your words and everything. Just like, the power and the liberation that you got from that, you know? That is an incredibly special place to be, which I honor you for, my goodness.

Jillian Acosta: Thank you.

Pamela Bardhi: Wow, because it is. I mean, it has been, in the last few years, really been talked about, right? Because psychedelics back in the day, you know, that has its stigma of being whatever. You know what I mean? Like, you’re just blazed out somewhere in the middle of nowhere, but it’s like, you know, there’s micro dosing now. There’s, you know, the psychedelics and the supervised ones. And, like, it’s really helping so many.

Jillian Acosta: People heal so many people. So many people, like, and it’s like.

Pamela Bardhi: This can be something that can unlock freedom and liberation for somebody who may be listening or somebody that they love. Right? Because going through that process, I mean, because truthfully. I’m going to ask you this question on a personal level, because I love ayahuasca. It has always freaked me out. That is, I’m, like, afraid to be out of body. So, like, how was that physically, how was that experience for you if you had to describe it?

Jillian Acosta: So this is such a great question. There is such a, it’s, like, ineffable, it’s hard to explain. There’s such an insane, incredible, mind blowing level of intelligence with these medicines. And so I wasn’t being re-traumatized, I wasn’t, like, suffering or being punished in that experience. No. First the medicine took me to a very beautiful place where I could, like, relax, and I was, like. Honestly taken into my mother’s womb for the very first time that I ever sat with that medicine. I was, like, experiencing what it felt like to be in her womb. Then I was, like, I traversed these, like, really beautiful landscapes. It was like, I don’t even know, like, heavenly pastel colors on mountaintops with these gorgeous. And I saw, like, these elements of myself that, like, felt very pure and very true.

Then once you surrender, more like, that’s when I began to, like. This was started to be revealed, and I started to, like, see what kind of things happened. It was very bizarre and kind of abstract to me, but it was very clear what I was receiving. And it definitely wasn’t comfortable, but it wasn’t terrifying or scary or punishing. You know, there was this feeling that the medicine was conveying to me of, like, you’ve been through a lot already. You don’t need to be punished anymore. Like, I just want to show you so that you can free yourself, you know? When people describe uncomfortable experiences in ayahuasca, and I’ve also had those. It’s not from a punishing standpoint, that is an unconditionally loving medicine for spirit. That medicine.

So whatever you’re being shown is for your greatest good, for your liberation, it’s when we resist. It’s when we fight against it and resist and want to stay in control that we have uncomfortable experiences. And it’s really just the ego, the self construct that we’ve clung to for so long, fighting for its life. It’s not fighting for your life, it’s actually wanting to maintain its survival. But you’re so safe with the medicine. And so if you can cultivate before you go into an experience like that, this energy of trust, of, like. You know, I know I’m in good hands, even though I don’t know what to expect, I know I’m in. I know I’m safe, I know I’m in good hands. This is for my highest, then it can be an, absolutely magical, beautiful, profoundly altering in the best possible way. Experience.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. Well, I have heard both sides. Right? And maybe it’s that, those that have been through that experience were resisting and were. So that’s why it kind of counteracts.

My recommendation is not to start with ayahuasca. Do not. And what I want to mention is other medicines

Jillian Acosta: I’ve been through those, and I was resisting and it was not fun, it was not fun time. And like, when you finally let go, it’s like it opens up and it’s so beautiful and it’s profound. What I want to mention is, like, there are other medicines out there, like, ketamine is very, very gentle. It’s profound in its efficacy and what it does. But it is gentle and heart opening and creates this level of like, it’s a sub anesthetic dissociative. So there is a level of like, removed. Right, that’s why you can be like, oh, there’s fear. Wow, that’s so interesting. Here’s fear. That’s what it feels like. Instead of like, in ayahuasca, you’re actually very embodied.

You’re feeling the fear, maybe viscerally, right? Intensely. Whereas, MDMA or ketamine are more gentle, heart opening, suppressing the activity of the amygdala, the fear center of the brain. Like, if people come to me and they’re like, I’m ready to get on the psychedelic path. And, my recommendation is not to start with ayahuasca. Some people do, and it’s perfect if that’s what you feel called for. But other people are like, where do I start? It’s usually, it’s almost always, I recommend ketamine because it’s so antidepressive, it’s so anti-inflammatory.

Like systemically, it has modulation, like mechanisms of, like the mood center of the brain. So it helps, like, if people are under that dense cloud of depression where they can’t even do anything about it. They want to do the work on themselves, but they can’t because they have this, like, density around them. Ketamine can help dissolve that, dissipate that cloud, so they can actually go in to do the work. It’s profound in that way, and it’s a great entry point and it’s legal.

Pamela Bardhi: I love that you mentioned that, though, because there’s just different, there’s just so many stigmas with different things.

Jillian Acosta: It’s like, I can take this.

Pamela Bardhi: You’re going to end up being so high and that, I don’t know. And I’m just like, no.

Jillian Acosta: If you’re with someone who’s reputable and safe and qualified and walks with integrity. Does their own work and all of that. Then it’s a profoundly transformational experience, if you don’t have a good feeling about that person. Run. Don’t. Do not. Because it is, in many ways, like psychological surgery. You are opening up, you know, your psyche to the subconscious mind. And that’s why I use it in my work, because that’s where a lot of the patterns are. That’s where the trauma lives, it’s also where 95% of our behavior is governed from.

So if we want to make changes in the way that we see ourselves, feed ourselves, talk to ourselves. All the things, then that’s where we go. We have to go into the subconscious mind. That’s where it’s most effective in terms of the work, and it’s where there’s shadows and there’s deep programming in there. And so we treat that with a lot of reverence and respect and honor. If you don’t feel comfortable with whomever you are sitting with, freaking run. Do not subject yourself to that.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. Well, of course, like, if you’re opening up, especially your psyche subconscious, I mean, that’s, like, literally. Yeah, no, I totally. With you. I absolutely love that. And I love the differentiation that you were mentioning between ayahuasca, ketamine. All these things because no one really ever explains it, and you’re just like, what am I supposed to expect here? Like, what is this? You know what I mean? So.

Once people become aware of patterns, what happens next

In the process of healing, you know, and when you come to that awareness. Then, you know, taking the next steps, especially with, like, the psychedelics as part of that awareness process. It sounds like that’s the integration between the two. You know, it’s like, starting with that and then kind of slowly working through the patterns. And I guess that, this is the magic question of anyone, I’m sure, you know, in healing those patterns. Like, what does the process look like? So, after you bring in that awareness and shift, like, what happens next? You know, oh, my goodness, I’m asking so many questions, so, it’s so good.

Jillian Acosta: It’s so good. But it’s like, I’ve seen so many things. So, how do I really, like, extrapolate the essence of what I witness is, like. A falling away of who people thought they were and an emergence of who they really are. Because ketamine and other psychedelics, like, bring online these self constructs, these stories of the self. You know, I thought I was worthless, I literally believed and behaved as if I was worthless, and like, shameful. That’s how I operated, and that’s why I was, like, punishing myself and devaluing myself. And all, this is how I operated, because that was, like, the program in the subconscious that was running all the time. Until I understood why and started to peel away, like, all of the threads of that story.

And so having, yes, awareness. But also having access to the programming gives you some spaciousness to start to separate yourself from it. Then in that process, it’s so epic because it’s like, well, if that’s not who I am. Who the hell am I? It’s this spaciousness to start to remember, but also create who that version of you really is. Like, if I wasn’t worthless and if I knew my worth, how would I walk? How would I speak to myself, how would I feed myself, nurture myself, relate to myself? Other people, like, walk in the world. It starts to like, yeah, massive transformation is what I witness every single day in my work, it lights me up, clearly. Like, it’s the most rewarding, freaking exciting thing in the world that, like, it just fills me. I get to watch this all day.

Pamela Bardhi: I absolutely love that, and then as they come into their awareness of everything. Do you find that once they start becoming aware of those patterns, they start to shift? And then, you know, what happens is then the whole period of figuring out what’s in alignment with you. Then all of a sudden, it seems like all hell’s breaking loose.

Jillian Acosta: Well, there’s some, like, mechanisms with psychedelics from, like, a chemical standpoint. Like, they induce what’s called neuroplasticity and neurogenesis, and neuroplasticity is, like, malleability in neural networks. The malleability of, like, a brain structure in terms of, like, rigid thinking, like, rigid thought patterns, rigid behavioral patterns. Those start to, like, dissolve, and neurogenesis is, like, new neurons start to generate. So we are leveraging the properties of these medicines, and in that time, old properties, old beliefs about yourself, perspectives. All the things start to, like, waver, and we harness the ability to, like, anchor in new ones. And so while this may take a long time, without medicine, it may take decades. With medicine, it doesn’t take that long.

So people start to enter into this, like, compassionate, nurturing, loving space with themselves. I mean, I witnessed people, like, one woman lost, like, over 40 pounds in my program. Not because I put her on a rigid diet. Yes, I’m a dietitian, but not because I put her on a rigid diet. Because she learned how to hold herself through challenging emotion, and she started to relate to herself with compassion. Empathy and softness, and she no longer stuffed food down to push down these uncomfortable feelings. And that’s what’s created the weight loss, and she’s kept it off for months. I stopped working with her months ago, and so, the transformations and the anchoring of new patterning happens really fast. Especially because of psychedelics. Interesting.

Pamela Bardhi: So it literally physically shifts your brain structure. That’s crazy. And creates those new neurons because that’s what I was going to ask. I was like, are they doing, are they creating these new thought patterns and everything through. Like, just repetition or just, like, different, you know, exercises and things?

Jillian Acosta: That.

Pamela Bardhi: That’s fascinating. So it’s literally on a cellular level.

Jillian Acosta: Oh, yeah.

Psychedelics alter the activity in the default mode network

There’s other properties of, like, so all of these medicines, there’s characteristics that are different and there’s others that are similar. One of the really exciting things about these medicines is that. They alter the activity in this complex in the brain called the default mode network. It’s this kind of conglomerate of different regions of the brain that inform this default mode network. And that’s said to be, like, where the ego is housed. That’s where, like, rumination, self deprecation, time travel, like, thinking about the past or the future. Like, that’s when all those things happen, and that activity of that region of the brain is usually, very active.

We’re in our heads all day, we’re thinking about, we’re anxious about this. Or what do they think about me, about this? Or da da da da. That’s all, default mode network, and so psychedelics. All of these ketamine, MDMA, ayahuasca mushrooms, all of these psychedelics alter the brainwaves of that network. And so the activity is actually, like, super repressed, depressed. It goes offline, it takes a nap. What that means is that other regions of the brain have an opportunity to come online. So repressed memories come forth, new perspectives, like compassion, empathy, the ability to finally feel the grief.

Because a father passed away when you were a child and you were burying that for so many years. That stuff comes online. That’s when, like, that’s why the things that come up in medicine, like, you don’t forget they’re there. You just get to, like, through the work of integration, nurture those new processes, nurture those new thought patterns. Like, the self compassion, like the empathy, like the willingness to feel. And that’s, like, structurally what starts to create a new psychological infrastructure. A new emotional infrastructure in the brain, in the psyche, and it’s so freaking radical.

Pamela Bardhi: That is so awesome. Well, it’s so cool to hear it from, like, a technical and scientific standpoint, you know, which is absolutely amazing.

And like, you were mentioning with the whole weight thing, because there’s

And like, you were mentioning, with the whole weight thing. Because there’s so many women that are struggling right now, and I know there’s a lot of ladies listening. So it’s like, as a dietitian, like, what would be your number one piece of advice for someone. Who’s like, I’m doing all the things. Why am I not, you know, I’m going to tell all these ladies before you do. But there’s definitely some sort of repressed emotion there, right? That’s what’s keeping it, and, I will honestly say, like, I’ve been going through that journey myself. Like, recently, that I was doing all the things I couldn’t. It wasn’t until I did my work on an emotional level that I really started to, like, get back. It’s like the body listened and I was like, what is happening?

Jillian Acosta: Think about, like, what, what is weight? Like, what is weight and where does it come from? It’s, from my perspective, it is, like, a consistent pushing down of energy, emotion, whatever I, with food. So you’re using the food and the calories and whatever the quality of the food. All the things you’re using this food to push down to repress an emotion. Energy in the body that gets. It has to go somewhere, so it gets stored. And where does it get stored? What’s the body’s most effective storage form of energy? Body fat, and so, weight. Ayahuasca told me this, but weight is like armor. It’s nothing but armor, it’s what we wear to, like, shield ourselves from feeling emotion.

It’s also what we wear to try to protect ourselves from other people. Right? It’s armor, and so can you, in the safety of your own self, de-armor yourself. Start to create safety in yourself to begin to feel. Because as soon as you feel whatever you had historically used food to push down, you no longer need the food. The cookie stops screaming at you from the pantry because it just loses its charge. There’s no incentive. And then, like, a right relation with cookies starts to come online. Okay, I feel like having a cookie right now, okay, I’m going to have a cookie. Maybe I’ll have a cookie and a half or two, whatever.

I’m going to be satisfied, I don’t need the whole box anymore. I don’t need the whole box and the rest of the pantry anymore because I am now enjoying my cookie. And I feel great because I’m not using the cookies to push down the shame. To push down the anxiety, to push down the sorrow, whatever it is. Food is neutral, it’s very neutral, it’s the energy, the energetic charge from the emotional charge that’s inside us. That has us use that food to push down that charge, it’s dissociation that’s powerful.

Pamela Bardhi: It’s so true. And when you become aware of that is when you can change your patterns with food. Everything.

Jillian Acosta: Exactly.

Pamela Bardhi: Everything else. That’s so magical. It’s crazy how it’s all connected, like, is it really that simple? Like, it’s not simple. It’s highly complex, but yes, at a high level.

Jillian Acosta: Yeah. And yes, and complex in its simplicity.

Pamela Bardhi: It’s so magical. Oh, my gosh.

Start to discern the difference between physical and emotional hunger

And so, so, with everything that you’ve learned in your practice and all that. What would be your number one piece of advice for, like, say it’s a new client that comes along. Or someone who’s like, I just, I don’t know where to go from here, kind of.

Jillian Acosta: Yeah.

Pamela Bardhi: What would be your best piece of advice?

Jillian Acosta: I can give two, I could give one on, like, the practical front and then one on more the emotional. Or like, this more psychological psychology of eating front and that one more psychological, I would say, start to validate yourself. Start to give yourself permission to feel. And not from, like, a, entitled justification. Like, oh, I was really mean to that person, and like, yeah, like, fine, good for me. No, it’s like, I feel hurt by this person, like, yeah, of course you feel hurt. That was hurtful. You know, that person didn’t see you. Whatever, start to validate your own emotional experience. Start to be the one that, like, becomes a safer space for yourself instead of punishing yourself. Instead I shouldn’t feel that way.

Like, I should be okay with this. I shouldn’t make this a big deal, like, we’re constantly freaking gaslighting ourselves, especially women, you know? By the way, men deeply suffer with the same thing, it’s not just women who deal with this, it’s everyone, you know? And so really begin to validate your own emotional experience, like, yeah, it’s okay that you feel sad right now. That that’s okay. You have every right in the world to feel sad or to feel angry, whatever. It’s because when we gaslight ourselves, we’re often, like. Needing to push down the truth of what we feel with food or something else. Right. So I would begin there and then on a more practical level, there’s so much, I mean, dietary advice.

Are you asking for or, like, support with an eating pattern? I guess I would say, like, start to discern the difference between physical and emotional hunger. Physical hunger. The difference between these two is that physical hunger usually comes, like, every, I don’t know, everybody’s a little different. But let’s say generally every, like, three, four, four and a half hours, something like that. Your blood sugar gets a little bit low, and you’re ready for another meal. And your body will start to give you cues, like, you might feel the feelings of hunger in your belly. Your stomach might growl, you might feel a little like a headache, because of low blood glucose levels. Those kinds of physiological cues come online. And the other really helpful factor about this is that physical hunger, it’s like, a lot of options seem appealing.

You could open the fridge, and I might eat my leftovers from yesterday. Or I can heat up this thing, or I can make a little extra of that thing. Like, a lot of options are, like, you know, palatable on the table. Then another quality is, like, you feel satisfied after you eat. No, you’re complete with the meal, you feel good, whatever, and you carry on with your day. Emotional hunger comes on really rapidly, so it’s like, boom. All of a sudden, you have a thought. It’s usually triggered by a thought, and it’s like, I gotta go eat. I’m hungry. And you might feel the hunger, but it’s like, instantaneous. So that’s a cue that it’s emotional. Another thing is, like, it’s usually very targeted.

So, like, I want, I need those chips, I need that cookie. You know, I need that sandwich, like, it’s very, very targeted. Like, if you have other options on the table, you’re like, I don’t want that. I want that thing. Right? Then sometimes, often, even after we eat the thing, we’re not done, we keep eating. We might go to the next thing, another, you know, the bag of granola and then a bowl of cereal. And then the rest of the nutella, and then da da da da da, right? We just keep kind of going, and then we often eat past the point of fullness. We’re distended and we’re bloated and we’re uncomfortable, we feel sluggish, and we feel, like, physiologically, we feel really, really uncomfortable. Which triggers the shame spiral.

Which is the other kind of identifying factor, is, like, we beat ourselves up, you know, what the hell? Why did I do that again? Like, what’s wrong with me? I feel so blah, like, whatever, that’s all emotional hunger. So if you can start to, like, discern or differentiate between these two types of hunger. That’s a really, really powerful place to be. And then, you know, my work is really supporting people when they know emotional hunger is present. Then what do you do? It’s longer than I can explain on a podcast. But there are steps and there are practices and rituals and all the things that we can get into. And it’s also very nuanced per person, but this is a really great place to start, is to start to recognize. Are you even hungry? What are you hungry for?

Pamela Bardhi: I love that, and I love that there’s a differentiation between the two. And I love how you really laid that out. It’s super helpful. A lot of mental notes I’m taking on this one, too, I love this, Jillian, I love this.

What would your older self tell your younger self based on what you know now

And this is my favorite question, and I always save the best for last because it’s the greatest. This could be business, personal, whatever comes to your heart. What would your older self tell your younger self based on what you know now?

Jillian Acosta: Oh, Man, just keep going. If I had changed anything, I wouldn’t be here, and so it’s like, just keep going. Just keep trusting. It’s so freaking magical, it’s just so magical. And, like, there’s a part of me that wants to say, like, be softer with yourself. But there’s also another part of me that knows that. Like, the harshness that I had with myself allows me to sense it now in other people and them into softness. So it forged me. Every single thing I went through forged me, and so, yeah, just keep going.

Pamela Bardhi: I love that so much, Jillian, I love that so much. Thank you so much for sharing that.

Jillian has an amazing group program for women called Wildflower

And next in your world, like, what’s up in your world in the next few months?

Jillian Acosta: Oh, my gosh, woman. A lot of freaking exciting things. So I have an amazing group program for women called Wildflower, so the next one is running. There’s one running right now, but the next one starts in January. The premise of wildflower is really, like, finding the beauty in the weeds. It is taking this thing, this relationship with food, our bodies, our weight, all this thing. It’s something that we viewed with disdain, it’s something that we’ve been frustrated by and disempowered by. And wish would just go away and wish we could just stop doing it. But it’s actually the very thing that is inviting us into, like, a really deep connection with the self.

Learning how to meet your own needs when these triggers come online. And so I teach women how to, like, use this dysfunctional relationship with food to free themselves from it. It’s epic, it’s just epic. So that’s launching in January. I am collaborating with a dear friend of mine, a dear sister named Jen. We’re getting ready to host an in person event in Austin for women. All about. Yeah, it’s so incredible, it’s going to be December 8, so you can reach out to me to learn more about that. We’re like, we’re really in, like, the. Getting our hands all muddy and, like, building this and feeling this and birthing this thing.

And so it’s coming in December. It’s exclusively for women. I have a couple of talks coming up. Yeah, there’s just good stuff. Parasite cleanse cohort? Coming. Gut health program coming. Hair tissue mineral analysis. That’s, like, already available. So just, like, a lot of different, more the clinical, of course, from a functional medicine standpoint. But, like, clinical physiological support I offer. Then also, like, more of the psychology of eating. Deeper trauma, emotional eating work, and then everything in between. I’m, doing it sounds so magical.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my gosh, oh, I love that, Jillian. And where can everybody find you in your magic? Because I’m sure that that’s where everything, all this, all these updates will get posted and all the things.

Jillian Acosta: Yeah, so everything will be accessible on my website, which is therootcausemethod.com. And then Instagram is another really great way where I’ll promote and you can find links and all the things. So that’s Jillianacosta Rd, which stands for registered dietitian, and, yeah, that’s probably. That’s it.

Pamela Bardhi: You are magical, Jillian. Oh, my goodness. I absolutely adored hearing your story, the journey, the incredible work that you’re doing. And, like, my gosh, because it’s so powerful. Thank you so, so much.

Jillian Acosta: Thank you, thank you for what you do. Thank you for this platform and for allowing me to share what I’m up to with you. And your community that you’ve built and just creating space to share. I appreciate you.

Pamela Bardhi: I appreciate you.

So that’s it for today’s episode of underdogs

So that’s it for today’s episode of underdogs. Catch us next week. Always dropping on Thursdays. And remember, if you’re interested in real estate or want to learn how to create more money and magic in your life. Check out meetwithpamela.com and let’s chat. Sending you so, so much love.