David Kitchen’s Journey with Edge Leadership Academy

Pamela Bardhi: Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Underdog Podcast. Today I have an incredible guest here with me, Kitch. How are you, my friend?

David Kitchen: I’m phenomenal. It’s finished Friday when we’re recording this, I’m excited, man. I love ending my week with podcasts and being able to connect with like minded people and just share the energy. You know, it’s a lonely world sometimes when you’re out there building a business by yourself. So to get the opportunity to connect with other people and chop it up and have a great conversation doesn’t get any better.

Pamela Bardhi: Amen, I love that, and I was just saying that when I got the man, I love, kitchen’s energy. So awesome, I can’t wait to dig into your story and just hear about, like. How you got to where you got to and you’ve written three books, Edge Leadership Academy. I mean, there’s like an endless list of amazingness that you’ve been up to in the world. I’m like, I want to hear where it all started. And I always love to kind of bring it all the way back and reel it all the way in. Because it’s so funny how like our childhood, it really shapes a lot of what happens in our lives, right? As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

David Kitchen: Kids, you know, it’s crazy. I actually wanted to be a lawyer, I always used to say I was going to be a lawyer. Yeah, that was what I used to say growing up, and I don’t know really when it changed, I really don’t. But along the way it just, I was like, this isn’t for me, but yeah, man. Growing up, I mean, I was kind of the typical, like, rambunctious kid. Like always doing something, always up to something, never in trouble, but always too close to it. And I, I grew up in a single parent household, never met my father. You know, my mom was an absolute rock star of a single mom.

Raised two kids on her own, went back to school at 40 and did the thing. You know, my mom was my first kind of lesson in leadership. My first lesson in grit and being able to see somebody that, you know. No matter how hard it was on the external world, like she led with love. That was just who she was. That’s how she operates. And, you know, that got instilled in me and at a young age. So I learned lessons you know, really early on in my life that, like, you don’t give up. Like, no matter how bad things are, you don’t give up and you don’t let the world dictate how you show up. Like, you show up with a smile on your face. You enjoy life and things will work out as long as you do the work.

Pamela Bardhi: I absolutely love that.

Grow up in central Pennsylvania

Pamela Bardhi: Oh my gosh, so much to unpack there. So where did you grow up?

David Kitchen: Central Pennsylvania, so I started, we lived in Harrisburg when I was born. We lived in a really, like, not good, area of Harri. There was actually a shooting and the police chase took place right next to the apartment that we were living in. And the shooter actually threw his gun and it broke the window of my nursery. That was when my mom was like, okay, like, we’re done, we’re moving. Like, I’m not doing this. She picked up, she moved, to a town where she knew nobody and started a life there. You know, and met my brother’s father. So I have a half brother as well. I don’t even call him a half brother. He’s my brother, and you know, she got married and we grew up there.

So we grew up in central Pennsylvania, coal region, tough, you know, just like, blue collar area. Then as I got older, it kind of became apparent that I was pretty good at football. And, so we got the opportunity to move to a town. Which I tell people it’s like if you ever saw Friday Night Lights. It’s like if you took that and dropped it in the middle of like rural Pennsylvania. That’s where I spent my high school years. We moved in with my grandmother in rural Pa, and I went from being, like the kid. Who was out until the street lights came on, riding his bike through town. Doing all these things all of a sudden I get dropped in this new environment so I can play football.

I’m growing up on a dirt road where my closest neighbor is a cow and it’s a mile away. It’s like this whole, like my life just shifted. But it was what I needed. I needed the structure, I needed the guidance. You know, I needed another parent in the household. Like I said, my mom was a single parent, so I was running amok. Then all of a sudden I had my grandmother around who was like, kept us on the straight and narrow. And got me even more introduced into a community that, like I said, it’s.

It’s all about football. I mean, you drive into my hometown and there’s a sign that literally says God, family, football. And so that’s what I grew up in and was fortunate to be a good player on a great team. So shout out to my teammates, and that gave me the opportunity to go to college and play ball. It was a wild ride, but it was a lot of different, like I said, kind of chapters. But they all led me to where I’m supposed to be.

Pamela Bardhi: I love that kitch so much, I mean, there’s so much in that story. Man, oh man, it’s just like, it’s crazy how like, shout out to your mom. By the way, for like holding it down and being that first representation of leadership for you. And just like that strength in her, I can tell, that really shaped you. Which is so beautiful for sure, which is so beautiful. So shout big shout out to her on that. That’s just magical because, you know, a lot of the time people say like. Oh, especially to the moms when they’re thinking about a separation or anything like that. Like, oh, you’re not going to be able to do it on your own. They’re going to turn out like, messed up, and like, look at you.

David Kitchen: Yeah, Yeah. I mean, you know, it’s crazy. She definitely heard that a lot, right? It was like she was raising these two kids. Me and my brother both were very like high level athletes and we both had a lot of opportunities. And things and it was like she fit right in with the football dads, you know what I mean? Like, she was there, she never missed a game, never missed a practice, all that stuff. So we learned a lot of lessons, right? But I think it also, when you grow up in that environment and you grow up. Especially for, you know, me being the oldest child, like, I had to grow up quick. Me and my mom talk about it a lot.

Like I grew up with her, you know, like, I was her first baby. But she was still a kid when she was figuring out she was 25 when she had me. But like, still, like, we grew up together. You know, and it gave me a kind of unique insight of being able to put other people first. And, you know, be able to shift roles between being the leader of the household at times. I was the man of the house at 11, right? It’s like, then you also have this kind of flip side to it of being able to then soften yourself. Be able to be the baby when you need to be, right?

I say baby loosely, but like, you know, be the, be the Kid. And so it’s, I think you get, if you look at growing up in a single parent household the right way. It can be the best gift you’ve ever given because you can learn so much. And you get so many opportunities to learn lessons that a lot of people have to learn later in life. You get to learn them at a young age, right? Even things like emotional intelligence. Like I was dealing with a situation where my stepfather at the time struggled with addiction, right? So like, I had to figure out, I had to learn how to read people very quickly.

What kind of mood is he in, what kind of household? Like, where are we at right now? What’s the vibe in the room? And so you learn those skills and you also then become like this social chameleon. Because I was hanging out in restaurants where my mom was working when my mom’s tenning bar, I’m in the bar. So I’m around adults, I’m having adult conversations and I’m learning how to navigate that as a child. I think those are valuable lessons that served me and still served me to this day.

Pamela Bardhi: One of the things that popped up as you were talking is like empathy, right? Like she taught you that. Empathy, and then these, this emotional intelligence, which is absolutely critical. And you saw those models too, of what you don’t want to be.

David Kitchen: Oh, for sure. Just as much as I saw what I wanted to be, I saw what I didn’t want to be. Now I talk a lot about the concept of like, being the one. It’s like every family, if you look at them, whether they’re generationally wealthy or they’re just a healthy family, whatever. Like, they weren’t always that way, like everybody’s family is messed up in one way or another. And so along the way, somebody came along that changed the way that things were done in that family. Right along the way, somebody said, okay, I’ve seen enough, I’m ready to break these generational curses, right? I’m ready to look at things differently.

And so it’s a big thing for me that I wear on my sleeve. I literally have it on my wrist right here. It says, leave a legacy. Like, that’s my whole goal in life, is to be the one in my family that changes that. That there is no, no more divorce, there is no more financial struggle. We do look at education differently, we look at owning businesses like we’re entrepreneurs now. We’re authors, we’re PhD candidates, like, that’s what I want to be the norm for my family going forward. So I think you have to be able to kind of take a step back. And say, okay, I learned what I don’t want to be. Now how do I set a course for what I do want to be?

Pamela Bardhi: I absolutely love that the generational curse breakers are the ones that. It’s the hardest position, right? Because if nobody’s done it before you and there’s no one to really look after, so who do you run to?

Pamela Bardhi: That’s between you and God, right?

When things get hard in your life, most people turn to family

David Kitchen: Facts, facts.

Pamela Bardhi: That’s it.

David Kitchen: You have to figure it out and you have to plant your foot in the ground. And say, okay, this is my vision for my life, and then you just map out a plan. It’s tough because like, to your point, you are the first one. So it’s like most people, when things get hard in their life, they turn to their family. They turn to mom or dad or brother, sister, aunt, uncle, and they say, how do I navigate this? Right? For people that are trying to be the one in their family, you don’t have that. And so it creates this tension almost at some time, at some point where it’s like.

I know I went through this with my family when I stepped out and went after a master’s degree. Moved around the country trying to be a college coach, wrote a book, all these different things. Like, they’re doing the best they can to give me advice and support me, but they’ve never done it. So I have to be able to take that advice with a grain of salt. And I have to be able to look at it and say, okay, what aspects can I still ask for advice on. Where I’m okay with them giving me access or giving me advice and having influence over that part of my life. But there’s other places where I have to draw a hard boundary. And say, no, I’m not willing to compromise on these things.

Because if I do, then we’re going to end up with the same outputs that our family has always had. And so that means I have to change the inputs. Right? It is this, it’s this tension. You got to walk a thin line because you don’t want to alienate your family, right? You’re not doing this to remove yourself from them, you’re doing this to elevate everybody, right? And so one of my favorite stories about this, I know I keep coming back to Mama Dukes. But she’s been such a big part of my life that it’s like, this past year, I took my mom. So she’s been speaking on stages and stuff.

Now she has a successful career. And we went to a VIP workshop with Damon John, who’s one of the sharks from Shark Tank. You know, the creator of fubu, and we went to a public speaking workshop together. It was, like, it was such a cool moment because that. That, for me, was like, all right, you’re being that one. You’re being the one in your family, because now you’re helping everybody around you see things differently. It’s not just me, it’s now my family starting to see it that way. My brother and I have conversations about entrepreneurship and starting businesses. Like, that, to me, is the change that I’m trying to build in my family.

Pamela Bardhi: That’s incredible. Here’s the thing. When you elevate, you elevate everybody around you. It’s a frequency.

David Kitchen: Yep.

Pamela Bardhi: Right, and so the minute that you say no more. And you open that space for yourself, you’re allowing new things to come in. It’s just not easy to get there, right, exactly. Because you’ve got to, because you’ve also got a lot of people to realize. This is like, you can’t just go to the next level without releasing what. What was.

David Kitchen: Oh, that’s. Yes. And that’s such a key. Right. Like, I just talked about this. I love that you brought this up. So let’s go down this rabbit hole, because.

Pamela Bardhi: I love it, people.

Someone just said to me that you’re so peaceful now

David Kitchen: Yeah. Someone just said to me the other day, like, you’re so peaceful, like, you’re so at peace now. Because I used to be, like, an angry person, I used to be very intense. Like, I just, I handle things a lot differently, and they’re like, you’re so peaceful now. The first thing that came out of my mind was, peace has a price tag. There was a lot of violence that it took to be this peaceful. Right, and when I say violence, I don’t mean physical violence. But, like, I had to change the way that I interacted with my family. I had to change the way that I interacted with my beliefs and my limiting beliefs. And the things that I held onto, the narratives that were ingrained in me. I had to go to therapy, I had to work through things.

I talk about, like, my period of, so I was diagnosed with depression at 29. Never knew I had it. And I talk about that whole period of my life, like, I went to the Dungeon. Like, I sat down there with my demons and I went face to face with them. It was like, okay, I need to start undoing these things that are not serving me. These thought patterns, these habits, these patterns. Right? I had to leave friendships behind, I had to leave relationships behind. Like, I had to change the way I talk to myself, and so I say a lot. When you’re dealing with people that you view as peaceful or somebody that’s trying to work towards their peace. You have to give them so much grace because that person had to go to war to get there.

They had to do things that they’ve never done before in order to have that peace that they now have. That’s why people protect it so tightly. Like, that’s why once you get to that spot, you’re like, I’m not going back. Because I know what it took for me to get here. And so, like, my friends, especially my friends from college, joke with me now. Because it’s like, I used to be the guy that would throw a punch first and ask a question later. That was my M.O. and now it’s like, they’re like, dude, you would walk a mile to get around a fight. I’m like, 100, 100% I would, because I protect my piece that, like. It takes so much to throw me off my balance anymore because I’m like, no. I know how important this is to me.

You had to go to war with yourself before you get to that piece

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my gosh, you touched on so many incredible things here. You had to go to war with yourself before you get to that piece.

David Kitchen: Yes. You have to. Yeah.

Pamela Bardhi: A lot of people don’t realize that. They don’t, they don’t, and they’re like, oh, my God, it’s just peace and love. I also used to be a really reactive kid. Hot headed. In your face. Say something to my face or you’re gonna get knocked out, like, that’s just what it was. Because I just couldn’t understand why people just would say certain things. I’m like, you know, if you have the balls to say, then come and say it to me direct. Like, I was aggressive and I was like tomboy esque. And like, I had to learn so many different, like, I didn’t understand where that came from. But there was some pain from my childhood that I had to go through to really. Like you said, face your demons. Right?

A lot of people don’t talk about this is the reason why I started this whole podcast. Is like, man, you see the success levels now, but what it took the elevation Requires release. Elevation requires facing your demons face to face, and you don’t let them win. Everyone thinks enlightenment and all of this is like, you know, the journey that you go on, right? The journey to peace, we can call it, is so peaceful. You’re just like, you know, you’re sitting there, in yoga position, doing your mundras. Whatever. And like, I’m like, guys, this is shadow work. Like, what you did with shadow work, like you said, facing your demon. What are the sides of you that you don’t want to go there? You gotta learn that side.

David Kitchen: You have to, and then you gotta know him by name, right? Like, you have to call them by name, and it’s understanding now, what are my ego triggers? Even now, as a business owner, as an entrepreneur. What are the things that will trip me up, that will put me backwards, right? And understanding, too, that like, new levels, new devils, right? Like, you get to certain places and to your point, you have to elevate and you have to release. So it’s like when you get to a certain point, like, when I first started the business, you know. The first two years, we were building the plane and flying it as we were going, right?

Like, it was all happening at the same time, and so I was a hustler. That’s what I was doing, I just wouldn’t be outworked. It was like, no, I can just tolerate more pain than you. I can tolerate more discomfort than you. So I will stay up later, I will get up earlier, I will work harder, and that’s how I’ll make this business go. Then once I got to a certain point where I started to build a team around me. The business started to expand, my personal brand started to take off a little bit. It was like, okay, now the hustler has to die so the CEO can live, right? And you have to go, those.

It meant so much to me when I went through that, actually. It’s like, it’s tattooed on my arm. I have a big hourglass with chains on it on my arm that says, the path to paradise begins in hell. You have to figure out, okay, as I go to this next level. What are the things that serve me here and what are the things that I have to let go, right? And it, and if you let your identity get so tied up in it, you can’t let those things go, right? Like, if I would have let my identity be so tied up in. I’m the hustler and that’s what I do.

Well, then I would have run this company into the ground before we even had a chance to take off, right. So it’s learning, like, as you go through each of those levels, it’s going ahead and evaluating what systems. What habits, what things can I take with me that will go to the next place. And what things do I need to leave behind? Right. I had a mentor that used to tell me all the time, what got you crowned is what will get you killed. You have to be so aware of what you’re taking with you into these new endeavors in these new circles.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my God. You said so many amazing things throughout that entire. That was amazing. I mean, different levels, different doubles, without a doubt. And that hustle piece that comes for all the entrepreneurs that are listening. If you’re hustling yourself into the ground, it’s because you haven’t found your flow facts.

You have to say yes to everything when you first start an entrepreneurship business

David Kitchen: Yes. You have to say yes to everything when you first start. And I get that.

Pamela Bardhi: Right.

David Kitchen: But then you need to realize very quickly how much you have to say no to, right. You have to be able to flip that switch, and I didn’t do it well. Right. So when I first started the business, within six months we were profitable. I was making money and I was like, yo, this entrepreneurship thing, game over, I got it. I got this thing figured out. And so I started saying yes to more things and I started to get involved in different projects. All of a sudden I had all these things going on at once, right? Like, I had my business, I had Edge Leadership Academy. Which was growing quickly, I had my personal stuff that I was doing, like one on one coaching.

I got talked into opening a 22,000 square foot gym. So I opened a performance facility, I was writing my second book, I was working on my PhD. Like, I had all these things, then I was involved in other businesses, and eventually I just hit a wall. It was like, I’m not doing anything well right now. I’m doing all these things and they’re all surviving, but nothing’s growing. In fact, my core business, which is Edge Leadership Academy, was shrinking. Because my attention was pulled in so many different directions. I thought, you know, at that point it just meant I had to work harder. And so that’s what I kept doing, and then I remember I was driving home one day from the gym.

I was spending probably 12 to 14 hours a day in the gym while I’m trying to run other businesses. While I’m trying to train people, while I’m trying to build a staff in the, in this facility. And I remember driving home and my hand started shaking and I’m like, what the hell is this? Like, what is going on? You know? Next thing I knew, I had a panic attack, and then from there it went, it just progressed, right? What I realized was I just had too many things going on, I wasn’t doing anything well. So I shut down all those other businesses. Everything. Shut down everything, and people were like, dude, what are you doing? I’m like, I need to get back to basics.

I got to get back to focusing on one thing. Going a million miles deep on this one thing and being phenomenal at it. Now I’m at the point a couple of years later where I have other businesses. But I keep a diagram, right, where Edge Leadership Academy is in the middle. That’s my core business. Any other business or opportunity that I get involved in, it has to be able to have a tie back to Edge. Like there it’s a hub and spoke system to me where everything has to be supporting that main business. If it’s not, I don’t want to be a part of it, right? And that requires having the strength and having the self awareness to say, yes. That might be a great opportunity, but it’s not for me. Right. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

Pamela Bardhi: A hundred thousand percent kitchen. You said some awesome things there. Because I mean, as entrepreneurs, I think especially in the beginning, right. It’s like we’re programmed to be in survival mode, right? And so that kind of triggers, and we don’t do it on purpose, right. We do it subconsciously. Subconsciously, you know, as when you’re in your first early years of entrepreneurship. Then I feel like, you know, there’s elevation that happens in the meantime. But like, it’s crazy. So many entrepreneurs that I know, and then they’re so burned out. They’re like, well, why do I feel so burned out? I’m like, what did you say yes to?

David Kitchen: Everything, you got to decide who you’re going to let down, you’re going to let somebody down. That’s just the nature of the world, and it’s hard when you’re an entrepreneur. Because you are a hard charger and you’re out to solve problems. And so you don’t want to let people down, so you have to decide, who am I willing to let down? The answer can never be yourself, right? It’s got to be somebody else. So if the answer to you is I’m just going to keep digging and keep digging myself into this hole. You’re letting the wrong person down. Like, you got to be able to say no to certain things. You have to understand that the more you say no to, the more it opens you up. To be the best version of yourself for the things that truly matter.

Pamela Bardhi: Amen. Absolutely. In that boundary setting. Right. Because you can’t be you for everybody.

David Kitchen: You got to be selfish to be selfless, you have to, like, you gotta wake up. And that’s why I know it’s corny and it’s cliche, but like the morning routine, like a setting time. The more my,  like my morning routine, yes, it makes me feel better. Yes, it’s. There’s aspects to it. Like, each aspect has a reason, and there’s a reason that I do certain things. But ultimately the overall theme about it. It’s my way of setting a boundary that I need to put my own mask on first.

Like, before I can help anybody else. It’s my way of telling myself, you are important enough and you are worthy of your time for you. And the more that I do that, the better I can show up for my team. The better I can show up for my family, the better I can show up for my clients. The better I feel like all everything else goes up when I do those things. When I don’t do that, I feel it.

You should design your morning in a way that turns your systems on

I feel the difference. And so I urge people all the time, I talk about it, I call it the launch sequence. Right? So like when you think of a rocket and we send a rocket into space. They don’t just open a box and then just hit the button and send it. There’s a sequence to it. It’s this system on, this system on, this system on. You should try and design your morning in a way that turns your systems on, right? Like, for instance, I wake up first thing, drink water, get water in my body immediately. Hydrate myself from there, I want to meditate, I want to clear my space, I want to clear my mind. Get ready for the day.

Then I want to read something, I want to take something new in. I want to journal a little bit, whether that’s prompts. Whether it’s just me emptying some of my leftover thoughts after meditating. Like, processing what I just meditated on whatever it is, I want to journal a little bit. Then from there I want to move my body a little bit, whether it’s just stretching, going for a walk. Maybe I’ll train in the morning. Usually I like to Train in the morning. But a lot of times it ends up being the middle of the day. It just is what it is, but I want to move a little bit.

Then the last thing I do before I start my day is I reach out to somebody that I care about. I connect with them. Whether it’s a quick text message, a video, maybe I’ll send somebody like on Venmo, like a Starbucks gift card. Like, oh, hey, go grab a coffee, on me today. You know, just something that fills my bucket, and then I start my day right. So, like, to me, that checks all of my boxes. It puts on my emotional and mental armor for me to now go to war. Because that’s what business is, it’s a battle every single day. And you have to be able to protect yourself before you step into that arena. Otherwise you’re going to get chewed up and spit out.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. You’re just dropping gems this entire,

David Kitchen: That’s what I’m here for, that’s what I’m here for.

Pamela Bardhi: It’s magical.

When you’re mission focused, everything in your business will change

Well, there’s just so much. And honestly too, you know, oh, man, there’s so many entrepreneurs listening that are just like. I know they’re capturing so much of this and really internalizing it was just so freaking amazing. But I think a lot of this ties back to the whole environment play that you were talking about too. You know what I mean? Like, and first, I love that you, in your business as well, set those boundaries. Because it allowed you to kind of jump back and focus on those core value systems.

And that’s something that I had to do recently. Where I was partnered with a few partners that just weren’t in alignment with the mission. You know what? I was like, I gotta cut ties. Like, if it doesn’t tie back to the mission, there’s absolutely no reason why the hell am I doing this. Right? I’ve hit the point where money has been absolutely tremendous and amazing, right? Hit success levels that I never thought possible. But when you’re mission focused, everything in your business will change.

David Kitchen: Yeah, 100%, the money’s a scoreboard. That’s all it is. The money’s a scoreboard, and that’s what I think sometimes gets diluted by social media. And by like, pop culture of like, what entrepreneurship is like. It’s like, oh, have a 10k month, have a 20k month, have a 30k month. Like, listen, when you start having those months, you realize it doesn’t matter, it’s irrelevant. To me, I knew I made it, like, I knew I made it when I had a situation. So my younger brother, he’s 27, got diagnosed with cancer last summer, and I typically do a speaking tour. I go during the summer, and I do. We call it the College Campus Tour, I go to different college campuses. And I speak about leadership, entrepreneurship, adversity, whatever, Whatever they want me to talk about.

We were supposed to do it, and my brother gets diagnosed with cancer, and he’s supposed to start chemo. I knew that I made it when I was able to call my team and say, cancel the tour. Send everybody their money back. It doesn’t matter, I don’t care. We’re okay. Just put me on every podcast that I can be on, and I’ll do them all virtually. Because I’m going to be at chemo with my brother every single day. That, to me, that was what it was about, I made it. I created a life where I could be where I wanted to be. And I did that by being aligned with my vision, my mission, my values, and not compromising on those things. To your point about the money being there, the money will come.

If you build the person and you build your vision, your mission, and your values into your business. The money will come and it won’t leave you. That’s the important piece. It’s going to come and it’s going to stay. But if you’re constantly chasing the next cash grab and you’re compromising on your values and you’re compromising on your mission. That money’s going to come and go, and then you’re going to be chasing it all the time. Right? But if you show up as the same person every single day. And you do things that are aligned with your vision, mission, and values. I firmly, firmly believe it becomes statistically unlikely that you will fail. Just very slim chance that you’ll fail if you do the right thing day after day after day and you don’t compromise.

Pamela Bardhi: Absolutely. Oh, my goodness, kids, that was beautiful.

Environmentalism talks about how our environment affects our DNA

Oh, and how is your brother doing now?

David Kitchen: Cancer free, cancer free. He says all the time, and he says, I’m two, and oh, he said, I’m two. No against cancer before the age of 30, and he is, he’s a savage. And you know what, though? Again, going back to that mentality, that mindset. Like, when he got sick, he called me and he said, listen, don’t freak out, because I’m not. Here’s what we’re gonna do, and he just started leading it with that. I was like, okay, and he’s like, listen, it’s time to fight. That’s what we do as a family, that’s who we are, that’s what. How I’m gonna handle this, and that’s what he did, and it’s like, wow, okay. You know, so when you have that mindset right into your environment point.

That’s the type of people that I surround myself with, like, obviously, he’s family, right? But that extends to my friends. That extends to my business partners, the people that I do business with, the people I spend time with. Like, you have to be so intentional about curating your environment. And making sure that it’s people that are you, like, love and trust, right? Not just, like, there’s a lot of people that you just like. I like a couple of my buddies that I like to go a beer with and play golf with, right? I don’t love them, I don’t trust them, I don’t want their advice on business, right? So I have to limit the amount of access and influence that those kind of people can have on me.

Versus, those people that are aligned with you, like, I call them my tribe. Like, I have a group of friends that are high performers in all their fields, right? One’s in the Special Forces, one is a homicide detective. The other one is actually my business partner in EDGE Leadership Academy. Every quarter, we go away, and we’re actually going in November to a cabin, and we go away. We call it a legacy meeting. And we sit down and we talk, and we bring whiteboards, and everybody brings information. We go over finances, we go over our bank accounts, we go over investment strategies, we go over relationships. What we’re learning all these things.

I mean, we talk about all of it, and then we hold each other accountable on that. Everybody walks out with notes and with goals and with accountability partners. And these are some of my closest friends from high school, these are guys that I’m just like, these are my tribe. Like, these are the people that I fight with and the people that I battle with every single day. The cool part about it is, as we’ve grown, right, that environment has now extended out. To the point where this time when we’re going away, everybody’s wives and kids are coming. We rented a huge house in the mountains. It’s like, that’s the type of power circle that you can create when you’re intentional.

Pamela Bardhi: This all trickles back to the environment, right? Your mom moved you out of that area, and you then went to the rural community, right? And so, like, every single environment that you’ve created has facilitated this growth. If anyone hasn’t realized yet, if you stay where you are. You’re going to stay stagnant for the rest of your life.

David Kitchen: It’s impossible to be elite around average people, can’t do it. Can’t do it.

Pamela Bardhi: You can’t. And you have to have that environment plays everything. Have you studied Dr. Bruce Lipton at all, epigenetics?

David Kitchen: I have not, no.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my goodness. It’s gonna be a game changer for you. Listen, it’s talking about at a high level. It talks about how our environment quite literally affects our DNA structures. Environmental responses are what shape our DNA and which then ships us.

David Kitchen: Makes sense, you know, it’s crazy to me too. Like, the, and this is the powerful piece is understanding that in this human condition. You’re choosing it like you’re choosing your environment after at a certain point, right? As kids, like, it is what it is, you got to do, you got to do it. But when you get to a certain point, I would say that point is 17, 18 years old. From there on out, you are responsible for the environments that you put yourself in. And the environments that you keep yourself in. You have to at some point look at yourself and say, I am choosing this, right? That’s a big challenge, and I deal with this with my clients. When I started doing, aside from what we do in the leadership space.

People came to me and said, hey, would you do mindset coaching? Would you do performance coaching? You’ve worked with professional athletes, you’ve coached, you know, All Stars, you’ve coached all these people. And it’s like, yeah, I’ll do it. You know, I’m a PhD candidate in psychology, I have a master’s degree in sports psych, I know a little bit. Like, I know enough to be dangerous, you know, so it’s like, all right, so I started doing this. The biggest thing that I noticed with people is the externalization of responsibility, right? Of saying, my environment is my environment. This is this, this is. It’s like, so one of the biggest exercises that I have people do is like. If you call me and we’ll just use, say you’re in a dead end relationship.

Ask for alignment and watch everything go sideways for you

You know, it’s a dead end relationship. The first exercise that I’m going to have you do is write a letter to yourself. That says, I am choosing this, I am choosing to Stay here because. And then xyz, and then I want you to say what? I want you to play the tape all the way out. If I continue to choose this, here’s what my life will look like in three months, three years, three decades. Be honest. Just put it on paper. Wow. Put it on paper.

Pamela Bardhi: Wow. Damn. That’s a realization hit. Because the minute that you start writing that out, you can’t run from yourself, that’s the thing.

David Kitchen: And again, it’s those harsh realizations sometimes, like, rub people the wrong way. But listen, I tell people I’m a good man, I’m not necessarily a kind person. Like, I’m not always here to be kind to you, I’m here to be good, I’m here to help you. So like, I did this with somebody who had kids and they were upset about their health. And they were like, you know, I can’t do this, I can’t do that. It’s affecting the way I work. They just let themselves go. I said, okay, every single time that you choose to watch Netflix, or you choose to eat crap.

Or you choose to do something other than what you’re supposed to do, I literally. I want you to write a note to your daughter and explain to her why you’re not at her wedding. I’m not at your wedding because I chose on this day to eat this instead of doing what I was supposed to do. I said, you don’t have to give it to her. But I want you to keep them, I want you to keep them. And then every time you feel that urgent rewind, and it was like within a couple months.

Couple months, like later, that dude down a bunch of pounds, felt great, business was taken off. Like, sometimes you just need that. Sometimes you need that reality check of like just black and white because there’s so many places to hide. There’s so many places to distract yourself and push the, you know, kick the can down the road and all this stuff. And it’s like, no, at some point, dude, you got to pick up the pen and write your own story. Otherwise you’re going to read it and you’re going to hate the ending.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, man, I love that, but you need that reality check though. Because most people are like, oh, we’ll just get. But then when they see that end result of what it could be, then it’s like, holy crap. You know, this, is different level, and that’s the thing is that growth never happens comfortably. No, that’s what I was talking about earlier. I’m like, you know, everyone wants elevation. Are you sure you want that, because guess what? Ask for alignment and watch everything go sideways for you.

Or you think it is. I see how you respond, because I’ve had people that, I’m like, you want alignment? You’re asking for cool. Next few weeks, next few months, you’re like, my life is a whole bunch. Then I’m like, but remember what you asked for. And then they go back and they’re like, and then it becomes like a full circle moment. It’s like with you, if you want to be in alignment, if you want to grow. It forces things out of your life that weren’t supposed to be there in the first place.

David Kitchen: 100%, and you gotta be, you gotta go into that with your eyes open, right? A lot of people go into growth and they say, you know, okay, like, I prayed to the universe for this. Or God or whatever your faith is. Doesn’t matter, like, I asked for this thing. It’s like, okay, you asked for a house. The universe provided you with nails, blueprints, a hammer, screws, all the things that you need to build a house. But you still got to do the work, right? Like, it’s not, this isn’t like, this isn’t Oprah where there’s a big red bow on it. That’s not the way this thing works, like, the work always comes first. And it rarely, rarely, rarely does it show up in the way that you think it’s going to show up.

Like, I had to go through my depression, I had to go through a breakup. I had to go through all these things in order for me to sit down. Actually, like, go to war with myself and be able to become the entrepreneur that I am now. And be able to have the business that I have now and have the life that I have now. I wasn’t ready for that stuff, I didn’t grown yet, I wasn’t, I was still fighting it, right? So you gotta take your hands off the wheel and say, okay, whatever challenges are coming to me right now. They’re turning me into the person that I’m supposed to be. You have to get so committed to meeting that version of you.

That you’re willing to walk through fire for it and you’re willing to do the climb, right? Because there’s so many people out there that, they want the view and they don’t want, the climb. You can’t have one without the other, because you want to, you won’t appreciate it doesn’t mean as much. Like now, when I go speak on stages. It means more to me because I know what I went through to get here, right? When I sign new clients, when we do these things. Like, it means more because I knew what I had to do and I know what I continue to do. But you have to go through that, you can’t, you can’t get it. No juice without the squeeze. That’s just the way it goes.

A hundred thousand percent. There’s this quote that a friend of mine posted

Pamela Bardhi: A hundred thousand percent, and it’s. There’s this quote that a friend of mine posted I love so much, and he was so right about this. It was like, you know, everyone wants to be a beast until you see what beasts do.

David Kitchen: You gotta hunt.

Pamela Bardhi: Gotta hunt. That’s it. I love that.

As a human collective, one of our biggest lessons is self love

Oh, my God, so many gems, so many gems. Kids, my gosh, I think I could talk to you for, like, four hours later, oh, man. So there’s so, so many gems that you’ve been dropping. And I’m just like, man, there’s so, like, how do you encompass this in one? I’m curious to see what you’re gonna say on this one, because this one is bringing it all into one. It’s my favorite question, which is, what would your older self tell your younger self? Now, the one thing, you are enough.

David Kitchen: It’s not about what you do, it’s about who you are.

Pamela Bardhi: I love that so much. As a human collective, one of our biggest lessons is self love, right? It’s like we lose that along the way. And some. There’s all these experiences we go through to get to that. That one place it is.

David Kitchen: It’s figuring out, right? People don’t realize that winning is dangerous, like, winning in life, it’s dangerous. I was fortunate and unfortunate to win early and often in my coaching career, right? Like, I became the youngest head strength coach in the country at 24 years old. Then I was the youngest in Division 1 at 26. I’m doing all this stuff and I’m winning, right? And like, on the outside, I’m winning, I got to a point where I was so obsessed with the winning. That I was alienating everybody else in my life.

Because I was afraid that they would stop loving me if I didn’t keep winning, like, they loved what I did. They didn’t love who I was. So in the process, I’m alienating people to chase something that I don’t even really know. If I want to keep them around even though I’m pushing them away. Right? Like, it didn’t make sense and I became this self fulfilling prophecy, and so winning is dangerous. And if you’re not anchored in your vision, your mission, your values and your character and who you are. Winning can bury you.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my God, that’s so true. Okay, so that’s where the ego steps in, right? Ego and the pride and the, oh, I don’t want to let go. This is that. What will they think of me? It’s like, and again, it all compasses back to like, protecting that piece. Right. And being at, one with yourself and understanding that, oh, my gosh, I absolutely love that, man. Kitsch. You are awesome.

David Kitchen: Thank you, thank you, I appreciate it. No, I love having these conversations. I’m here for this, like, it’s who I’ve always been, I love the deep stuff. Like, I don’t want to have. Don’t ask me how I’m doing, like, let’s get into. Yeah, let’s. What’s your deepest fear? Let’s get into it, let’s talk about it.

Pamela Bardhi: That’s my favorite thing. I’m like, I don’t even do surface level anymore. I just go straight.

David Kitchen: Yeah, I just, I just want to know, let’s peel the layers back, right? Like, if somebody says so, you know what? Have you ever seen the Ted Lasso meme? It’s like, he said, the guy says something and he’s like, if that’s a joke, that’s hilarious. But if it’s not, I’d love to unpack that with you. And like, that’s me all the time, people are like, oh, I have a dark sense of humor. I’m like, if that’s just a joke, cool, but like, I sense that there’s more. So come here for a second. Let’s go over here and talk about, let’s talk about that. Why do you feel that way?

Pamela Bardhi: I absolutely love that, kids, I love that.

Coach D is passionate about helping people transform their lives

Well, I love that you can unpack that in people. And have that intuitive ability to really, like, be able to connect with them in such an impactful way. Because it, you know, your emotional intelligence on, is like, next level, which is incredible. Which is absolutely incredible, and I love that. I know there’s people listening right now that are like, oh, my God, like, what Is kitsch up to? Where can I find them? Where’s all the magic happening next? And where, they can get more of you, you know?

David Kitchen: Yeah, yeah, no, we’re all over the place. So you can obviously tap in on our website, edgeleadershipacademy.com. We send out a weekly newsletter, it’s called the Finnish Friday Newsletter. It’s got, you know, all types of free content in there, it’s basically like my little manifesto to the world. I write on myself, and send them out every week. Social media, we’re on every social platform, it’s Coach D. Kitsch, I keep it super simple. That is me, I, my team does not run my Instagram or my LinkedIn. That stuff is actually me. So if you ever want to reach out, on there, feel free, I am accepting one on one clients right now.

I do take a very select few, but please reach out. Like, if you’re interested and you want to make a change in your life. You want to step into the arena and write your story, like, I’m here and I’m genuinely looking to help people. We’re also taking bookings for our leadership development programs, in the business space. So if you’re an entrepreneur, you want us to come in and talk with your team, we do that as well. And we’re fired up to help anybody that’s interested in getting involved and interested in being part of this mission. The world needs more of this, and so we’re here. And we’re here to answer the call and try and push people to be the best versions of themselves.

Pamela Bardhi: Oh, my gosh. You are absolutely magical, kids. I’m so excited for just like everything you have coming up in your world. All the people that you’ll be, impact, like, just everything, man. Thank you for such a raw and awesome conversation today and an authentic conversation, which I really appreciated and loved. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

David Kitchen: Thanks for having me. Seriously, the world needs more of what you’re doing, thank you for your platform.

Pamela Bardhi: Thank you, thank you.

Underdog is a weekly podcast from Underdog. Always dropping on Thursdays

So that’s it for today’s episode of Underdog. Catch us next week. Always dropping on Thursdays. And remember, if you’re interested in real estate or want to learn how to create more money and magic in your life. Check out meetwithpamela.com and let’s chat. Sending you so, so much love.