Larry Indiviglia

Larry Indiviglia is a Business Coach, Cancer Survivor, Podcast Guest, Personal Fitness & Lifestyle Guru for Actively Aging Seniors. He authored “126 Days, 11 Minutes: Our Love Story” which honors the life of Gayle, Larry’s recent and brief significant other who courageously chose to embrace love and life while battling Stage-IV cancer.

Larry Indiviglia is a retired naval reserve officer and a graduate of the United States Naval Academy at Annapolis. He holds a MA in Corporate Fitness Administration and an MBA from the University of San Diego and specializes in providing personal training for clients over 55. Currently, Larry is the President of INDsightsForLife, Inc., a fitness professional, presenter, and author as well as a business and life coach for the Todd Durkin Mastermind Program.

His work for over a 30-year fitness career has inspired motivated and encouraged people to grow and do their best. Larry has an innate capacity to powerfully connect with people and help them transform their lives and businesses.

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Larry Indiviglia Shares How He Took Chance at True Love for 126 days and 11 Minutes

Pamela Bardhi
Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of Underdog. Today, I have a super amazing guest here with me. Larry, how are you?

Larry Indiviglia
Yeah, pleasure to be here. I’m looking forward to our connection this morning and to giving value to all of your listeners out there. So it’s great to be on the Underdog.

Pamela Bardhi
It’s so great to have you, Larry. I mean, you’ve done some pretty remarkable work throughout your lifetime. And have such an interesting background and along with your newest book, 126 days and 11 minutes, which I know we’ll get to. I almost don’t even know where to start with questions. Because you’re that awesome.

Larry Indiviglia
Well, when you’ve made it to 65 years. You can reflect back on maybe some things that went right. Some that went wrong, but it’s all in the journey. It’s all in the life experience. Yeah.

Pamela Bardhi
I love it, Larry. So I mean, I would say you know, what has made the biggest impact on you in your journey to where you are today? And I know that’s a loaded question. But there’s so much to you so, I figured I’d start with an open-ended question and you could flow whichever way you like.

Larry Indiviglia
I’ll start with phase. I think in my life, I’ve always been a man of faith, I happen to be a Christian and I’ve always been. I’ve had a faith-centered life. Meaning that I believe in God believe he has a plan for my life. When good things happen, you feel blessed for that and you’re grateful. And when adversity strikes, as tough as it is. You can look back on that and that helps you get stronger, and you learn from it in on my journey. And I think many of us, I don’t think we seek adversity or seek trauma or seek tragic events. But when they do happen in context, you can look back at them and find out that they have a purpose. So faith-center number one, number two is fitness, I did start at an early age at age 10, working out.

I was inspired by an Olympic athlete named Al Archer, who was a decathlete, who won four gold medals in four different Olympics. And I grew up on Long Island, he happened to work at Grumman. He was in those days, Pam, Olympic athletes didn’t get paid. They worked regular jobs and they worked out after work. And they had a few perks here and there. But Al was a big strength guy and he inspired me I went to some kind of lecture or seminar he did after one of his gold medals, I think was in ’64. Yes, after Tokyo, and I got inspired to start lifting weights. That’s kind of my fitness started and I’ve always treasured that cherished it and then also got me into athletics.

So faith is a big thing. Fitness is another one, friendships and family. I’ll say family and friendships, the ability to be able to communicate and commit to people. And to collaborate with people just like we’re doing today. I’ve found that that’s another real centering of my life, so faith and fitness and family. And then finally, I think fun. Fun is whatever you decide to do fun, and I’ll say fulfillment. Whatever talents you have and I’ve had some of those being able to use those in whatever endeavor you choose. I was lucky in that an avocation became a vocation and getting into the fitness career eventually. So, having fun and being fulfilled using your God-given talents and making life a joy, rather than a struggle. Although we do have times, where we do struggle, so this is maybe my four pillars, if you will.

Pamela Bardhi
I love that, I love that you’ve got the four pillars voted down. And I mean, it’s so throughout your younger years. I would say what was your biggest source of inspiration at that time? Aside from faith? Was there a particular person that you mentioned the athlete?

Larry Indiviglia
Yeah, I had the privilege, I was very blessed. My dad was a very accomplished and acclaimed fine artist. He lived to 99 years old.

Pamela Bardhi
Wow.

Larry Indiviglia
He did volunteer work, he was a fine artist, he worked in New York City and commercial art. He also had his own art company. But he also gave back and how he gave back, he was World War Two veteran. So, he spent four years in Sicily in Italy survived, came back, got married to my mother. Four children. I was three of four and dad lived a very interesting life. But how he gave back was in the late. The late 50s, he got into a program that did the artwork for the US Navy and this was as a civilian. So he dedicated some of his time, he traveled to Florida and he met a Navy captain. This is a very important thing. It’s who you meet in life and the connections.

And the guy’s name was Ken. Ken was a Naval Academy graduate, he went to Annapolis and graduated in 1935. Was world war two hero and the submarine force also was a prisoner of war in Japan during the war. Anyway, he hit it off with my dad. And we had the ability and the opportunity to visit Ken at Annapolis. Later on, in Ken’s career, he was finishing his career as a captain in the Navy. We would go to his house and Annapolis every summer.

So I got exposed to the Naval Academy when I was 8, 9, 10 years old and I really loved the Academy. And it laid the foundation for me to want to go to school there. So I would say my dad was a very important influence in my life. And then that led to meeting Ken and that kind of laid the foundation for me. To want to go to the school of the academy for college, so that was really important at an early age.

Pamela Bardhi
Wow. So, the Naval Academy. That almost played a role. And then you getting into fitness, too. I mean, along with the Olympia, wow.

Larry Indiviglia
It did you know what happened, Pam, it’s funny how this is flowing. I went to Annapolis for four years, right out of high school, I was 17, I grew up in New York, went down there. The greatest thing about the Academy was, and it’s still this way. Every state in the union has to have representation at the school. So, I ended up having friends from Arizona, Washington State, Ohio, Texas. You know, places I never had friends from these states before. So, it becomes a real melting pot and you get a real experience to learn. To deal with people from a social point of view, because everybody’s a little different. That was really an awesome experience from that side of things at the Academy.

And then finally, when I graduated, I chose a ship because you had a after you leave the Naval Academy. You have a six-year commitment to be in the Navy, so I chose the West Coast. Because I wanted to get to the west coast because that was the mecca of health and fitness. So, I was able to get a ship out of San Diego, and one of my goals. Was if I was going to eventually get into the fitness world, California, was the way to do it. So, the Navy was the conduit, by which I was able to get out to San Diego and I’ve been blessed to be here now for 43 years.

Pamela Bardhi
Oh my gosh, I was gonna ask you how you went from East Coast to West Coast, and Wow. Isn’t it funny, though? How the life you know, they always say this. I’m like they’re stepping stones and sometimes you don’t think that one specific decision can lead you to where you’re supposed to be like you said, a conduit. Because for me, I was in the restaurant world up until I was 21. Right. But I didn’t think you know, my waitressing experience or my operations and in food management. And all these things were something to really be proud of. Like cuz, I was like. You know how restaurants aren’t really are looked down upon almost like waitressing.

A lot of people don’t put it in their resume and stuff like that, because they think it’s something that’s not. But it actually leads you to where you’re supposed to be. I’m like, my restaurant experience literally helped me get my construction experience. Because it’s a lot of logistics. The same thing works well under pressure, learning how to pivot last minute. So, I just find it remarkable you said sometimes you just don’t know where those conduits will lead you.

Larry Indiviglia
And sometimes you may think it’s by chance and it could be. I don’t think connections are just random, I think they’re always for a reason our connection is for a reason. However, making a choice to be somewhere can lead maybe to a chance meeting, But you’ve made a powerful choice to do that. You made the choice to get into the restaurant business. You had some guidance from your dad, etc. Now, you didn’t have to choose to do that. But you did. And because you did it lead to other things, two additional lessons learned and I’m sure in your journey too as mine. Hard work and enthusiasm and attitude go a long way, Pam. Done that.

Pamela Bardhi
They do even in the face of adversity, which leads me to sort of my next question for you. Some of your biggest challenges sort of growing up. So as you were going through the Naval Academy, or just like throughout your entire experience in the early years.

Larry Indiviglia
Know the early years, I would say the first adversity, which I noticed. I don’t want to, I don’t know if I call it adversity. But it was just something, when I was in high school between 1969-1973. There was a lot of drugs, like the drug culture. It started and unfortunately, my older brother got involved in that. And I saw how that was ruining his life and there was other friends too. There was a lot of talented people, talented athletes, smart people that got into the drug culture and I saw them ruin their lives. But I looked at that as something that I definitely didn’t want to do, but when I look back, that was some adversity. Because it affected you socially, but I recognised that,I had to make a decision. If you go down that road, good things are not going to happen.

And as a young man, I stayed away from that. So seeing other people kind of get involved in the wrong lifestyle. You know, I’m not saying it was traumatic. But it was something that as a young person. You have to recognize, at least I did, but the big adversity was after I graduated from the Naval Academy. The first big trauma and was very sad. It was the day after I graduated. My entire family came down for the ceremony and in short. I was driving my sister, my oldest sister, Barbara. She was 28 and my aunt, who was my dad’s sister, Theresa, went to the airport. And sadly, and tragically, we never made it. Okay, I was in a really horrific car accident, and they died in the car. I was 21 years old driving, I survived.

That was tough, Pam. That was a tough one. Now, I was very, very lucky with cuts and bruises. Not making a big drama over this, but I had to stay on track and the best thing that happened to me was to leave New York, get to the west coast. And start my naval career, which really was instrumental in getting me to move forward as hard as it was. I didn’t have time to stay at home if I had been severely injured. Who knows where it would have gone, but that was a tough one to handle.

And over the years. You know, that’s where my faith comes in. It happened for a reason, I can’t explain it. But that was significant. As a young man, you learn a lot. That life could be changed in a minute and sometimes things happen, accidents happen. They can be explained sometimes. And sometimes they cannot and that was a tough one to have to overcome at an early age. Yeah.

Pamela Bardhi
Wow. Oh, man, I’m so so sorry to hear that, Larry. You know, the fact that you kept your head on tight and just kept moving. That’s after something like that. How did you sort of refocusing your energies to just going west coast? Because I find that. You know, when a trauma like that happens, how do you cope with that? And I’m sure there’s a lot of people listening right now that will somewhat understand. What you went through, I cannot imagine. But how do you move past that? Like what something you know, because maybe there’s somebody out there. That was listening right now that’s going through something similar?

Larry Indiviglia
Yeah, I think three things helped me when I got to San Diego. The next thing I knew I was in Australia, New Zealand, the ship went on a seven-month deployment. The captain of the ship was awesome. You know, he said, Hey, Larry, I know what you’ve been through. If I didn’t think you can do the job here or if you think you couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t have accepted you to come aboard the ship now due to the circumstances. So you remember the crew, he was very supportive. My teammates, guys who had already been on the ship. There were three guys who were one year ahead of me. All of them happened to have gone to the Naval Academy a year before. And Phil and Jim, and Mike, and they were awesome. They were awesome guys to be around.

So, I got into a very positive environment and then, I was very busy, Pam. I didn’t have time. You know you go into a new environment. I’m 21 years old, 22 years old. You’re in charge of 35 guys on the ship, I mean, you got to perform. Just so, I didn’t have time. I don’t know, maybe you could say I didn’t have time to grieve. But I can tell you. Then the other thing was, it was changed the scenery, support from people. And the third thing, I wanted to do something to respond to the lives that were lost, in this case, my aunt, my sister.

So you can get inspired to do things with emotion. Sometimes that could work for you for time, and then sometimes that can work against you. Because then you could break down, but in this case, I used the loss of their lives as inspiration to move forward. And those three things were instrumental at the time. They really were.

Pamela Bardhi
I just find it amazing how you took your pain into purpose. You just kind of went and kept going and kept grinding which I adore by you. And post naval career, what was the pivot how was your action over there?

Larry Indiviglia
Yeah, you know, it’s interesting. There are some circumstances that happened that it was never my destiny that is an active naval officer for a full career. So I did leave at the six-year mark and I stayed in San Diego. I met a woman I got married. Okay, she was a nurse, were married for 25 years, we had two beautiful children. So that connection was made in the early 80s. And I decided that okay, I want to get into the health and fitness career area and I thought, I wanted to be a wellness coordinator at a corporation, so I went into this Master’s program. Two different programs at the University of California, San Diego, for exercise science, fitness instruction.

Also, it was a Master’s program incorporating fitness administration. So I did those two programs, my last two years in the Navy. When I had short duty to prepare myself to enter that, and it wasn’t in the cards right away. Because San Diego didn’t have a lot of big corporations that other than one or two, and those spots were pretty filled. So that path, it was like I was stalled. And then I didn’t have anywhere to go, so I got married, I fell back on working as a systems analyst for a small defense contractor, Summit Research Corporation, and while I did that. I learned a lot of lessons about getting into the business world. I also went back to school to get my Master’s in Business Administration at the University of San Diego, so, I use the time wisely when I was working.

And then also I want to learn more about business and that happened mostly through the 80s and then, in the late 80s. I got into the fitness world and decided to get into personal training. And that’s how it was launched. By the late 80s, I felt I can make a living as a personal trainer and I had enough. I wasn’t so risk-averse, that that wasn’t going to happen. So that’s what I did and then, that launched my entry as a fitness professional. Which you know, is that 32 years now and it’s been a blessed profession. But that’s kind of how it happened in a nutshell.

Pamela Bardhi
That’s so awesome. And then eventually that led you to the life coaching space, right? If I’m correct.

Larry Indiviglia
It did, it went from you know if I could summarise my fitness career is 10 years as a remote trainer. Going to apartment houses, condos, corporations, anywhere. And I was anywhere throughout San Diego County and then in a club environment as a fitness director. And that was for another eight years and then finally, I met a guy named Todd Durkin. Todd’s one of the bigger names in the fitness industry and I met Todd at a seminar in 2007. He started the Todd Durkin mastermind program. It’s a business and life coaching program for fitness professionals.

So at that time, I was at a juncture with some experience behind me to get into the coaching. So by 2007-2008, I decided to go that direction. As Todd’s program grew, I grew with it. It’s like anything else, Pam. You probably have some experience. If you can connect with a young company while it’s starting to grow. That’s good timing. There was great timing for me in getting into the coaching work at that juncture of my career.

Pamela Bardhi
Yeah, that’s amazing. And you’ve been a life coach since?

Larry Indiviglia
I’ve been coaching now 12 full years since 2009. Yeah, under the Todd Durkin Mastermind brand and we’ve grown from 12. I don’t know, we’re into the two hundred now as far as the number of people we work with. So, it’s been a really rewarding career and then, I’ve also continued training on some level. But less so especially this year with COVID, but the training or the coaching, lack of business coaching has been my primary activity over the past 12 years.

Pamela Bardhi
That’s amazing. So what has been the number one experience throughout your coaching career in the last decade, would you say?

Larry Indiviglia
Last decade is impacting people positively and seen young people such as yourself. Not necessarily all young people, we work with people from 25 years old, all the way to 65. It just depends on what their fitness journey is, and how they want to mold their career. But the inspiring thing is that everybody is doing out there to change lives. And how I’ve been able to contribute to that, not only through my own coaching. But through coaching, through my affiliation with Todd Durkin, and other great fitness professionals.

I’ve learned so much and it’s that the five people that you surround yourself with, professionally and personally, that helped elevate your life, personally and professionally. And that’s been a real, real great. Great experience and continues to be even though you I’m 65. Now, I’ve done this for a while. But that continues to be a source of inspiration. Also, working with people who are focused, mission-driven, and have a vision for their personal lives, and also their professional lives. That’s been super rewarding. It’s just being positive and being around positive people who want to achieve something in life, and use their God-given talents. It’s been, that’s been a wonderful experience.

Pamela Bardhi
I love that and you’re so full of love and such good energy, which I absolutely adore. Which, speaking of the word love. Now, I’ve got to ask you about your latest and greatest- your book 126 days and 11 minutes with Gayle. So I would love to hear about what motivated you to sort of write that book and how that experience sort of started?

Larry Indiviglia
Well, the backdrop of the story is you know, the underdog podcast. Perhaps Gayle was, the ultimate underdog. However, the space she was in, perhaps she was and the backstory of the book 126 days, 11 minutes. Our love story is about two actively aging, seniors in their 60s. Who meet each other online and against all odds fall madly in love. While one of them is battling stage four breast cancer and had been for four years. And that was Gayle. We decide to love each other anyway and to have a relationship anyway and to focus on today rather than yesterday and go with 68 or 64. So we had a few yesterdays behind us and not look too far into the future, focus on the today.

And in the process, we had a very honest, very compassionate, and very loving relationship. And I will say when I look back on it. We love each other unconditionally and the lesson I think we both learned is it is better to have loved with loss. Rather than never to have risks to love at all and it gets back to choice. Gayle when I met her, that’s the backstory of the book. Why I wrote it was to share the incredible lessons that I learned from Gail. She’s a very colorful lady. She had been married three times. When we met, she was single for 18 years. She battled cancer, she had had surgery, radiation, chemo, the whole thing. But she did not let that deter her, she did not let cancer, she didn’t live in the shadow of cancer, she made a powerful choice.

Getting back to that choice again to embrace life and love to the end. When I met Gail, I didn’t. I didn’t I wasn’t counting days, I didn’t think she was going to die tomorrow. I certainly didn’t think she was going to pass away four months after I met her. However, the book and what I share in the book are inspirational on the powerful choice Gayle made. And that I made to both love each other even when society says you know what. Somebody’s struggling, somebody has cancer, don’t go there. You’re not going to get anything out of it. It’s going to be a sad experience and I looked at the bigger picture. And I think we both did.

Pamela Bardhi
That’s incredible, right? Because you had mentioned to me before going into it. You knew that about her, she was fully transparent with you. And she told you.

Larry Indiviglia
She was from the start, from the start. And I remember when I first met her, she had told me a story talk about an underdog podcast. That she was online and wanted to meet somebody. She was still putting herself out there and she did tell me that first meeting at dinner. You know, there if I couldn’t be a woman, I wouldn’t be here in front of you. I just wanted to be clear about this and I’m not an invalid. But she told me stories, she had gone out on connections to try to meet a new man, whatever.

And you know, one instance the guy got up from the table after she told him her story. Put $50 on the table and said, Gayle, this is too much for me I can’t handle this. So here’s money for the dinner and got up and left. Now, I’m not trying to judge the gentleman, but when you put yourself out there when you battling stage four, some of these things could happen. Okay, but she was always very honest. Always what she had been through, she had a single mastectomy, she told me. She says, Look if this freaks you out, I’m just telling you right now. And it didn’t, but I’m just saying she was very. Very honest and that’s the way Gayle was, always standing in her truth.

Pamela Bardhi
Wow. And did she ever mention what was her motivation for wanting to put herself out there?

Larry Indiviglia
Yeah, it was a couple of things. The cover of the book, there’s a picture of a couple doing the Argentine Tango. That is photography. That is a picture that Gayle took. She was a professional photographer for 33 years and she was an Argentine Tango dancer. She had been and I knew her for 12 years and he felt Tango Argentine Tango now, not Ballroom Tango. The two are different, It was a lifestyle for her. And it’s a lifestyle that is based on the man leading the dance, and the woman responding. Now, the response is not a blind response. If the male is a lousy lead, you will not get a great response from the woman and it always starts from the embrace. And Tango is about the embrace, and how that connects both man and woman.

But in that whole lifestyle, the man leads, the woman responds, and she felt she let me lead in the relationship. So she put herself out there and she said. Hey, if I could find a good leader, I’m willing to respond to him. And you know, she didn’t find too many over the years she had. When I met Gail, she had not had a relationship for five and a half years due mainly, I think, to her cancer. She had battled it for years and it changed her life a lot. Sometimes she physically couldn’t do it. But the reason I go back to tango, she always kept tango in her life. It kept her alive.

So even when the chemo and the surgeries, when she could get back to tango, she stayed with the tango. And that carried over into her love relationship and she always said two are different. Tango dancing, Larry is not making love on the dance floor. It’s a different thing. But I do believe that’s what gave her the inspiration to put herself out there. And she wanted a man in her life too. But under that type of storyline, if you will.

Pamela Bardhi
Interesting. And you, what was your motivation or like what sort of sparked you to be like? Alright, let me get out there.

Larry Indiviglia
Yeah, I have had two other relationships over the years. I had been divorced, eight years, nine years and they were respectful relationships. But they just didn’t work out for the long term. So my goal for 2020 being a coach, we set a theme for the year, and I set my theme for 2020 as do something significant. And the other exercise we do Pam is what we call 10 forms of wealth, and we score ourselves 10 aspects of our life, financial, career, adventure, spiritual, physical, etc. And one of the areas well there it says, love.

We score ourselves from zero being really bad to 10, can’t get better than this. Well, my love was about a three. So I said, Okay, I’ll get back. I had tried online dating before and I said, Let me get back into it. So I did, and six days into the new year, that’s where I met Gayle. So, it was intentional for me to be online and to meet somebody. And then Gail also similarly made the choice to pursue that avenue and so was it by chance we met perhaps. But I think it was the choice we both make to be there, so that’s. That was intentional for me to improve the love, wealth aspect of my life.

Pamela Bardhi
Mm-hmm. That’s so interesting that you mentioned that. It was intentional that you were there and that you know, that she was too. So online dating back to your first date, what was the first date like?

Larry Indiviglia
First date was interesting. She took a wrong turn. This is in the book, she took a wrong turn. It was a cloudy, rainy night and she hadn’t been to this restaurant before. And she texted me saying I’m running late. I took a couple of wrong turns so I said. I’m going to leave the restaurant, I was already there and I’ll stand on the corner. And I gave her the intersection streets. So, I stood on the corner and I saw her blue SUV approaching. She told me that she had a blue SUV. So I did a hitchhiking motion with my right thumb as she was approaching, so she stops the car. The window comes down, she goes, needs a ride handsome. I said yeah, I’m late for dinner.

And we hit it off from that moment on and it was great. We spent three hours in the restaurant and I talked about it in the book because the book is written in days. Day one through day 126 each day has a title or a theme. And I talked about that first encounter and I was really captivated by Gayle and of course, being a Leo and the astrological chart, it was one jumps or during dinner. She goes Oh there she goes. You’re so much more handsome than your pictures online. I said, you know how to really get to my heart and she was very honest, and she had this strawberry blonde hair. She had these sky blue eyes and she was just, I was just, the best word is captivated by her.

And then, after we finished in the restaurant, I asked her, I’d like to continue to see you and she said. Well, that could be arranged and it all started. And I was very captivated by her courage and her honesty, and I was certainly physically attracted to Gayle. But there was just something about her, I wanted to discover more and she laid the table for that. Very easy interaction. It was very, very easy.

Pamela Bardhi
For sure. And I mean, some people may be curious as to this, but like, during this chapter in your life, you chose to focus so intently on being vulnerable, present, romantic, and loving. It’s something that happened in your past? To make you want to be this man now, causing you to feel that you needed to make up for a lost time.

Larry Indiviglia
Insightful question, I am looking back, I was looking to be able to connect with a woman mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And I just never had that and obviously, it takes two. Okay, it’s not because there was a certain woman. That’s why was her fault that I wasn’t able to connect on those levels. But I just hadn’t had that and I made the conscious decision, that that’s what I wanted and that’s what I was looking to develop. And I felt with Gayle, I was able to do that. For the first time, I was very comfortable in all aspects there and in talking about all those aspects of a relationship, and to basically nourish each other, physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

We were both mature, we had life experience. If it was years back would have we have been able to do that. You know, Pam, I don’t know if I could say that. But we both had a lot of things. You know, she had to stage four diagnosis, I had been diagnosed stage one, colorectal cancer. So I could empathize with her on getting a diagnosis, certainly never to her extent. So we had some things in common ground and we were willing to really put it all out there. And you talk about important things honesty, trust, intimacy, then romance then love. If you don’t have that honesty and build trust, and communicate that trust and then build that intimacy. Without that you can’t have romance without romance, there’s no love.

So you’ll find the book talks about all of those and how there was romance in our relationship. And it did, she was vulnerable and what she was going through. And I was always honest with her about what I was going through. So there wasn’t anyone thing other than in my past, never having those four aspects of a relationship fully covered or fully experienced.

Pamela Bardhi
Right. And I mean, the fact that you willingly allowed yourself to become vulnerable, I think was a huge component of all of this. Because I think that takes so much strength to be like, Listen, I know what I’m up against. But I’m gonna try and I’m gonna love anyway.

Larry Indiviglia
That’s very important. Pam, in any relationship, what you just said, is being vulnerable. When you’re vulnerable with yourself and with others. I think I was able to love Gayle unconditionally and she me is because we love ourselves unconditionally first. That’s where vulnerability does come in and self-awareness. And she told me that she was very, I can’t love anybody unconditionally unless I love myself first unconditionally. And that’s super important. I mean, it really is.

Pamela Bardhi
Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, that I always say this quote, how are you going to win if you’re not right within? And that I think that’s so important, you know and the best relationship advice I ever heard in my entire life was the person that you’re with should make your light shine brighter. Meaning you’ve already needed to have that light right? Within you, as you said. That self-love and your partner should always reflect that.

Larry Indiviglia
You hit the nail on the head and I shared in the book, it was a dinner we were having at some Indian restaurant. Gayle lived in Indonesia, I think during her second marriage. But in any case, she told me that at dinner. I think it was that day. You know, Laurie, I’m just shining, the light, you’re shining on me back to you. So in a relationship, if you’re shining light and you just set it on another person. She or he will reflect that light back. If in fact, you’re consistently shining on him or her that’s a big deal. They really are and that’s the secret to having a good relationship, which is being able to do that for each other.

Pamela Bardhi
Right. And I mean, I think not just on. You know, with your experience with Gayle wasn’t just love to. But you became an advocate for her as well, throughout her care and all the closest person to her with that.

Larry Indiviglia
It’s interesting how linear it turned out to be. It was 126 days that I knew her and the 11 minutes. If you read the book, people will understand what the 11 minutes are about. But it was 63 days where she was relatively healthy and able to do a lot. You know, the book is fun. We did a lot, no 63 days I talked about it, it’s great. You experience it with me and then, when cancer came back to her brain, we had 63 days of a traditional hospital stay.

And then 44 days in an inpatient hospice, and that’s after COVID hit. So it does change from the relationship we had when we were out doing a lot of things to when it returned. So, it’s inspirational from a fun-loving side and what we were able to do together. And then also from a different side where I did have to become and help her become her health advocate. Where she was going to die, where she was going to transition and how to create and care for her along with the inpatient hospice staff. Which was awesome.

You know, I will always say this, the Sharp Hospice Foundation, Parkview hospice home was just awesome. It was a four-bed facility and they cared for Gayle, kept her out of pain. And then I had was part of seeing her every day for 44 days. How was I going to uplift her by being her advocate and taking care of her and that became a part of it? And that was part of the story. It’s shared in the book and I had my moments of being vulnerable. I share that in the book of what I was going through in the process of helping her. I was very, very transparent about that.

Pamela Bardhi
Right. And I mean, if you could share maybe one experience of what. That was like without giving away the book because I want everybody to buy it.

Larry Indiviglia
Let me tell you one. One thing I created and people always come into your lives to help you through the challenge. And I do share some people who came into my life in the journey. Especially during the 44 days in hospice, but I’m going to tell you just a quick story and it was in the book, and the title of the day was, Lydia. Says goodbye, It was a very poignant moment. It was about a week before Gayle transitioned and one of her caregivers. They had a registered nurse, assistant nurse, and a homemaker. The homemakers did the showering, combing the hair, all that stuff, and Lydia was one of Gayle’s homemakers for 44 days. Well, at that point. Maybe 38 days and she said, it was at the end of the day and she said, Larry, I’d like to say goodbye to Gayle.

By that time Gayle could not see or speak. Because her brain was shutting down cancer on their brain and Lydia came in. And she went up to Gayle and I said. Well, Lydia, and she says I’m not working for the next two weeks, Larry. I won’t be here, I want to say goodbye to Gayle. So she went in, and she held her hand, Pam. And she said, Gayle, thank you for letting me take care of you. You’re a beautiful person and you witness something like that. That is just pure, humanness from one person to another, thanking the person for letting me take care of you. I saw Gayle, I think Gayle smiled a little bit, I know she was aware of who it was.

But it was a very poignant moment and they were many in the hospice of people who work at these places, Pam. It is just incredible, all of them. And I do remember that specifically. That is pure humanity and that’s sometimes thank God, Gayle was in a place that, she was around that as she transitioned. And I will always remember that moment. There were many others, but that one in particular was, was extremely poignant to me and touching to me. Because it’s dying in America, a lot of times it’s secret. We don’t talk about it. It’s taboo, but this is what goes on in some of these inpatient hospices and also in the home. A hospice in the home, and how these people help loved ones care for their loved ones. Who is transitioning, and that particular day was special. Yeah, that’s shared in the book.

Pamela Bardhi
I love that. And I mean, that’s so beautiful. I felt that when you were talking about when she held her hand, and that’s absolutely beautiful. And I mean, all the experiences that you sort of had throughout the way. Now, what advice would you give someone who’s in a similar role as you of being an advocate for the patients? I’m sure there’s a lot of people listening. You’ve experienced that I, myself have as well.

Larry Indiviglia
You know, Pam. Two things. If a person is admitted to the hospital if it’s stage four cancer, and it’s becoming the end of the cancer journey. It’s important to ask questions and know the needs of the patient. Take your own ego out of it and make sure you listen to what the patient wants. Okay? Because if not. You can be treated then as a number, okay? There’s no more surgery, there’s no more chemo, there’s no more radiation, okay. We got to move you on. Where are you going to die? Okay, you’re going home and in Gayle’s situation, there is a lot of considerations.

And I share these in the book she didn’t really have a home to go, to you’ll get that in the book as to why. She wanted to look at all options and it’s to her. Which would best suit her needs and I do share this in the book, you have to ask questions, you have to be persistent. Gayle, what she always said is standing in her truth. So, do understand the patient’s needs. Don’t make assumptions, and do your absolute best to ask questions. So those need to be met in the best possible way. I had COVID also to deal with or we did not just know where she was going to stay, how that affected hospice.

You must ask questions, you must be persistent in pursuing the best solution for the person. That I would always recommend once in a hospice environment, think about how you could bring everyday life into the transitioning process of the patient. I use music, Gayle had a garden view of the home she was in, fresh air, flowers, you try. Power of touch, as a person transitions. They might lose their eyesight or ability to speak. But they could still feel and they still hear in most cases. So use the power of touch to hold their hand and also talk to them.

Sometimes you have to talk and whisper things. But they could still hear and so we had music night I share this all in the book. I had different themes, I did my best to keep, you know, how does transition become routine? I don’t know if you could ever make it routine. It’s death routine? No. But you could bring in elements of joy to the process. And other people will help you do that as well. Okay, you just don’t have to do that yourself, but consciously do that. Tell a person you love them, listen to them. They’ll laugh, they’ll cry, treat each day as a blessing as you go through that process. So that’s some of the things I’d recommend.

Larry’s Biggest Piece of Advice

Pamela Bardhi
I love that Larry, and you have had such a diverse experience throughout your lifetime. I mean, your life coaching. You’ve got Gail, you got the Naval Training, you got all these beautiful things and these experiences that you had now. What would be the biggest piece of advice that you would that your older self would tell your younger self based on what you know, now?

Larry Indiviglia
Boy, that’s an interesting question. The underdog podcast says. Don’t let society or what the norm, like what people think you should do, don’t just go on that road. Be your own person, looking back always did a lot of self-development work, self-awareness work. And that is really important to have a strong sense of self. When you have a strong sense of self who you are, not saying be selfish. If you have a strong sense of who you are. You will be able to lead your own life. Now leading your own life may be affiliating with another brand. Like I did in my coaching business with Todd Durkin. That worked for me, it might be you just create your entire own brand and that’s something, that’s how you want to lead. You could lead in different ways.

Be the Underdog. Don’t be the person who just blends in and just follows mindlessly. Lead in your life. You know, early on, I saw some of my friends go down a bad path with drugs and including my late older brother. Who eventually took his own life at 53, I didn’t want to go down that road. It doesn’t make me better. But do consciously lead from your core. Gayle always said, always stand in your truth. So in your life, stand in your truth, have some convictions and core values. Don’t compromise on those and have a good sense of self-awareness and with that, you will I like to say substance. If you do that you will attract people into your lives that play key roles when you connect with them in your journey forward. So that’s some of what I would say and look back.

Pamela Bardhi
I love that, Larry. You’re so awesome. And I’m so thankful to have you here today. Now the rest of the world needs to know, where to find your awesomeness and the book too?

Larry Indiviglia
We have the book is available on Amazon and Kindle 126 days, 11 minutes. Our love story and it’s in paperback version or Kindle. The audio version will be available on Audible. If you consume content, audio. I have two awesome voice narrators to the audio version. So look for Audible, I will make an announcement on that. If you want to email me directly. Email me and I will answer all emails lindiviglia@gmail.com. So that’s lindiviglia@gmail.com.

You could find me on Facebook @lawrenceindiviglia and I gave you my direct email and Twitter, I am @larryindsight. That’s the name of my company INDSightsforlife, Inc. So INDSights, so I use the first three initials there for INDSight instead of insight. Pretty cool. Yeah, so at the end. I will be coming out with a video series INDsights for embracing life look for that. I’ll put that out on my social media channels and that’ll be forthcoming here in the next month. We’ll get that series out and that’s kind of in concert with the launch of the audiobook.

I appreciate everybody’s support of the book. All these lessons in there on life and love. And ultimately, it’s about Gayle and how tremendous her life was, and how her life made a difference. Okay, and everything she did, and everything she touched and everything she said. She was always truthful to herself. And because of that, she inspired me to write the book and I was glad I was able to do that.

Pamela Bardhi
Thank you so much, Larry, I’m so inspired by you by your story, by Gayle. Even though I’ve never met her, I feel like I have. So, thank you for sharing her beautiful energy and her lessons. I will always remember this story and will always be grateful to meet you and hear all your amazing experiences. So thank you so much. And I’m sure that all the audience and listeners will all be interested in your story and love it just as much as I did. So thank you.

Larry Indiviglia
Pam, thanks for having me on. It’s been an honor and a privilege. And thank you for all the beautiful and impactful work you’re doing with the underdog podcast and all the businesses you’ve created. And all the people you’ve helped and guided in your young life and many. Many great things to hit for you.

Tune in to the episode to hear the rest of my incredible interview with Larry Indiviglia.